[Copypasta] Sleeping in bed with your parents

twitchquotes: Question for those in chat: Let's say you are sleeping in bed with your parents. You are in the middle. You wake up and want to get up, but you notice that you are partially inserted into your mom and your dad is partially inserted into you and they are still asleep. Which way do you thrust to get out?
twitch chat
November 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Hey what's up kripp, it's jeremy your neighbor!

twitchquotes: Hey what's up kripp, it's jeremy your neighbor! I see you're in the office again and playing animated poker - hope everythings well with the wife and garden. Say that lawnmower you borrowed last month; I was wondering when I could expect that back because I noticed your lawn was trimmed no less than three weeks ago but you have yet to bring back my mower. Anyhow , could use that mower. Just checking in but it would be great if I could get that mower back. Thanks again.
twitch chat
March 2018
Kripp

Nut

⣤⣤⡀⠀⣤⣤⡤⢠⣤⣤⡀⣠⣤⡄⣠⣤⣠⣤⣤⣤⠀⠀⠀ ⠘⣿⣧⡀⠀⣿⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⠀⡟⠁⢹⣯⠀⠻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⡇⠘⢿⣤⣿⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣠⣧⠀⠈⢻⣿⠀⠀⢿⣧⡀⣠⡿⠀⠀⠀⣸⣋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠙⠛⠋⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠙⠛⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀
ascii art
January 2021

LGBTQQIP2SAA+ should have another S for straight people

As you may be aware, LGBTQQIP2SAAA is an all inclusive acronym for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Queer, Intersex, Pansexual, Two-Spirit (2S), Androgynous, Asexual and Allies. However, this is not all inclusive at all because it omits an S for Straight people like me. And before you say "Ally covers straight people", please know that I can't be an ally because I hate gays. I'm straight and I don't agree with any of this, but I should be a part of the rainbow
June 2021

United States of America is now known as West Iran

twitchquotes: The year is 2024. The United States of America is now known as West Iran after the assassination of Supreme Leader Donald Trump from drone warfare. I hide in my nuclear bunker, praying to God that I survive another night. I open my laptop and see Kripp streaming some HS battlegrounds, still forcing murlocs and hardstuck at 7k MMR. "Still never lucky, huh old friend..." I whisper to myself as the bombs fall outside...
twitch chat
February 2020
Kripp

Hearthstone

I sexually identify as a single Pringle

twitchquotes: I sexually identify as a single, Pringle, ready to mingle. Ever since I was a potato I dreamed of being thin sliced, covered in disgusting oil then heated in a medium oven until reaching climax at the micro second of golden-browness. People bully me, and say things like "what the fuck, you aren't a Pringle", but I know deep down they are just jealous of my inner beauty.
twitch chat
March 2015

I sexually Identify as

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