[Copypasta] Quit gaming 8 months ago. Bought a new car

twitchquotes: Quit gaming 8 months ago. Bought a new car, I have an amazing new girlfriend, I make a shitload of money and I'm buying a house this spring. I party every weekend, I'm never home. I'm enjoying life. Do yourselves a favor. Stop trying to make gaming a career. It's cringe as fuck
twitch chat
September 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

This reddit sub is not funny

I have been in this shitty sub for almost a year and the humour here almost didnโ€™t change at all. All of you here are so fucking unfunny it hurts to even open Reddit and see your โ€œjokesโ€ on my home page. The word 69 is not funny at ALL. 420 is also not funny. I know they are the sex and weed number but how is that funny at all? Do you just say โ€œoh Iโ€™m almost about to get 69 karma haha funnyโ€????? Youโ€™re not. Saying โ€œpenisโ€ or when asked to say a joke โ€œmy lifeโ€ isnโ€™t fucking funny in any way. How is a whole group of teenagers SO UNFUNNY???? I used to have this type of โ€œhumourโ€ for a bit (not that long so thank god) and after I realized how much it was being repeated I realized that you guys are embarrassing. No one out of Reddit likes or respects ANY of you. TIK TOK is funnier then here AND ALWAYS WILL BE. โ€œSo leave the subโ€ that wonโ€™t fix the sub though, will it? It hurts to see your โ€œjokesโ€. Develop a sense of humor or just get out๐Ÿ˜
May 2021

Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass

I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass. I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me. The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
July 2022

Confessions

Oh god I want xqc so bad

twitchquotes: Oh god I want xqc so bad ๐Ÿ˜ฉ ๐Ÿ’ฆ he's so smart ๐Ÿค“ ๐Ÿ“š and cute ๐Ÿ˜˜ ๐Ÿ™ˆ I would take him to my apartment and kiss him ๐Ÿ‘„ ๐Ÿ˜˜ lick him ๐Ÿ‘… ๐Ÿ˜› and finger him ๐Ÿ‘‰ ๐Ÿ‘Œ I would fuck him ๐Ÿ† ๐Ÿ’ฆ then I'd get him pregnant ๐Ÿคฐ ๐Ÿ‘ถ and we'd raise our own little baby ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ‘ฆ ๐Ÿ‘ฆ and play fortnite with him ๐ŸŽฎ โŒจ๏ธ xd
twitch chat
April 2019
xQcOW

Emoji Pasta

Pinkie Pie

โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–“ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“ โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–โ–Œโ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’ โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–Œโ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–“ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–“ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–“ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–„โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“
ascii art
November 2014

Eggplants appear after every word

twitchquotes: Guys ๐Ÿ† I ๐Ÿ† Was ๐Ÿ† On ๐Ÿ† Pornhub ๐Ÿ† And ๐Ÿ† I ๐Ÿ† Clicked ๐Ÿ† On ๐Ÿ† A ๐Ÿ† Link ๐Ÿ† That ๐Ÿ† Said ๐Ÿ† Local ๐Ÿ† Milfs ๐Ÿ† In ๐Ÿ† My ๐Ÿ† Area ๐Ÿ† And ๐Ÿ† Now ๐Ÿ† Eggplants ๐Ÿ† Appear ๐Ÿ† After ๐Ÿ† Every ๐Ÿ† Word ๐Ÿ† . ๐Ÿ† What ๐Ÿ† Do ๐Ÿ† I ๐Ÿ† Do ๐Ÿ†? ๐Ÿ†
twitch chat
August 2019

Emoji Pasta

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing