[Copypasta] not gonna lie low-key kinda cringe

twitchquotes: Although I am very reluctant to do so, I am very sorry to inform you, sir, that the statement that you have just made through the use of online means in the format of a picture, video, message of text, or a combination of the three, is partially, somewhat, relatively, incompletely, fractionally, slightly - a miniscule degree of not gonna lie low-key kinda cringe.
twitch chat
June 2019
I used to be a real ad
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She needs a man that can treat her right

twitchquotes: What the fuck man. I'm literally sitting here on the verge of tears. Slaving away in this dead end job saving up for the end of the month splash. I was this close. Maybe I should have done that overtime, if I could get her that money earlier I might have been able to convince her in the dono message. She needs a man that can treat her right, a man like me. I would open the car door for her EVERY TIME, I would pull out her chair at a restaurant, I would lay my twitch hoodie over puddles to protect her from the filth.
twitch chat
December 2020

Simps

I've always wanted to be an octopusserino

twitchquotes: ive always wanted to be an octopusserino but everytime i try to tell someone they make fun of me. well ive had it up to here. today is the day i put my tentacles down. im sick and tired of people telling me what i can and cant be. i will be getting surgery to split my legs like pasterinos so i can have tentacles if you copy and pasterino my story to mock me i swear i will ink all over your face!
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Lenny face centipede

โ•šโ•( อกยฐ อœส– อกยฐ)โ•โ• โ•šโ•(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ•โ• โ•šโ•(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ•โ• .โ•šโ•(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ•โ• ..โ•šโ•(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ•โ• โ€ฆโ•šโ•(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ•โ• โ€ฆโ•šโ•(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ•โ• ..โ•šโ•(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ•โ• .โ•šโ•(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ•โ• โ•šโ•(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ•โ• .โ•šโ•(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ•โ• ..โ•šโ•(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ•โ• โ€ฆโ•šโ•(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ•โ• โ€ฆโ•šโ•(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ•โ• โ€ฆ..โ•š(โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ• โ€ฆโ€ฆโ•š(โ–ˆโ–ˆ)โ• โ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆ(โ–ˆ) โ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆ.*
ascii art
December 2020

Chugga Chugga

twitchquotes: แ••โ”Œโ—•แ—œโ—•โ”แ•— CHUGGA CHUGGA! แ••โ”Œโ—•แ—œโ—•โ”แ•—
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Am I the asshole for dropping my 6 year old son at an orphanage for his inability to trade options?

This started about 4 years ago when my son was 2 years old. I started to supplement his picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I feel like he has retained absolutely nothing even though I have spent every waking minute trying to make him understand. I have done almost everything that I have thought of including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while he is sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make him understand the market. I felt as though I got to a breaking point when he couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. I finally convinced my wife that we were doing the right thing when I said that he will soon be a Wendy's worker begging his wife's husband for a weekly allowance because he will never amount to be anything. I couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy check out Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska and maybe your luck will be better than mine with him.
September 2021

Am I The Asshole?

WallStreetBets

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