[Copypasta] not gonna lie low-key kinda cringe

twitchquotes: Although I am very reluctant to do so, I am very sorry to inform you, sir, that the statement that you have just made through the use of online means in the format of a picture, video, message of text, or a combination of the three, is partially, somewhat, relatively, incompletely, fractionally, slightly - a miniscule degree of not gonna lie low-key kinda cringe.
twitch chat
June 2019
I used to be a real ad
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How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. β€œThat’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. β€œBut as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022

Traumatized Mr Incredible

βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–β¬›β¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–β¬›β¬›β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–β¬›β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–β¬›β¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬œβ¬›β¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–β¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–β¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬œβ¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›βž– βž–βž–βž–β¬›β¬›β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›βž– βž–βž–β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬œβ¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›β¬›βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž– βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–βž–
ascii art
February 2022

Leifman the Salt King can save the world

twitchquotes: A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Salt king, a moderator named Leifman. And although his moderating skills are great, he still has a lot to learn before he's ready to save any chat. But I believe Leifman can save the world.
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp

Competitive Super Smash Bros Melee has reached its zenith

twitchquotes: The year is 20XX. Competitive Super Smash Bros Melee has reached its zenith. No longer are matches decided through complex inputs and tactics. It began when some questioned the idea of matchups against characters. The community realized that gameplay no longer mattered, and only the character. Tournaments became complex games of rock-paper-scissors, and eventually another epiphany was had. Why bother with deciding afterwards and wasting time when the match could be decided before it began? Thus, referees decided who won and who lost automatically using a combination of facial recognition AI, mandatory reflex tests, and standardized quizzes and tests on military tactics and stratagem. With time, tests weren't even needed. Judges became so acute at deciding who won and who lost that tournaments happened in seconds, and results uploaded in less. The final destination was reached. Babies were bred and engineered to become the most desirable "players", if one could call it that. Soon, humanity ceased to think, and became mindless slaves to the autonomous ones and zeroes that decided their worth, ironically becoming the machines they once played with.
twitch chat
May 2020

Super Smash Bros

AYAYA make chat cute

twitchquotes: ✌ AYAYA 🌸 use your cute emote to make this chat cute ✌ AYAYA 🌸
twitch chat
March 2018

Weebs

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