[Copypasta] James Patterson plays Druid

twitchquotes: The date is December 19th, 2018, at 630 am. James Patterson has just finished making his morning coffee. James Patterson hates his job, but looks forward each morning to playing ladder with the one deck he could afford to craft: Druid. On turn two, he attempts to drag Wild Growth onto the battlefield. He rubs his eyes, and to his horror sees that the card now costs 3 mana. With nothing left to live for, James Patterson opens his apartment window and buys a subaru.
twitch chat
December 2018

Hearthstone

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Value Town was within reach

twitchquotes: Trump couldnā€™t wait. Value Town was within reach and he moaned, hard, ā€œTuck Frump!ā€ He was fidgety, yet Kripparrian stripped away his juvenile briefs. ā€œHe has the perfect cardsā€¦ā€ Kripp thought in his head, ā€œAn absolutely ridiculous deck.ā€ Cattarrian stared casually as Kripp bounced his Ragnaros off of Trumpā€™s plump rump.
twitch chat
November 2014
Trump

Hearthstone

Or I will be forced to call the 0-3 Police

twitchquotes: Hello Kripparrian, this is Reginald. It has come to my attention that you went 0-3 in Hearthstone arena. This is completely unacceptable and detrimental to the image of Team Solo Mid. Remove any and all affiliation with TSM and "BayLife" or I will be forced to call the 0-3 Police.
twitch chat
March 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

Jade Idol, shuffle 3 more copies into the chat

twitchquotes: :christmas_tree: Jade Idol :christmas_tree: When this card enters the chat, shuffle 3 more copies into the chat :christmas_tree:
twitch chat
December 2016

Hearthstone

Kripp show us THE decks

twitchquotes: Enough with the bullshit Kripp. We all know you've hid away the best decks for this expansion to be showing off to the ladies, and we in chat find that really weird. All we want is to watch you win, and yet you play some bullshit hunter for some bullshit reason and all you do is lose. Show us the decks Kripp. Show us THE decks.
twitch chat
May 2020
Kripp

Hearthstone

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Open the Waygate?

twitchquotes: Did you ever hear the tragedy of Open the Waygate? I thought not. Itā€™s not a story the f2p btw would tell you. Itā€™s a P2W legendary. Open the Waygate was a Quest from Journey to Unā€™Goro, so powerful and so astounding it could use Time Warp to influence the end turn button to create another turnā€¦ It had such a knowledge of the spaghetti code that it could even keep the worthy opponents it faced from having a turn. The spaghetti code is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be imbalanced. It became so powerfulā€¦ the only thing it was afraid of was losing its power, which eventually, of course, it did. Unfortunately, it drew every card from its deck, then its worthy opponent set it to one health. Ironic. It could stop others from drawling, but not itself.
twitch chat
April 2017

Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise

Hearthstone

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