[Copypasta] Why am I always being put in the friend zone

twitchquotes: Why am I always being put in the friend zone. I'm a nice guy, work a nice job, and would do anything for m'lady. In the end these girls always go after DOUCHEBAG guys who treat them like shit, and only talk to me to cry about it. I'm sick of being considered 'beta' or whatever you call it.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
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Wow! I love Verizon™!

twitchquotes: Wow! I love Verizon™! I’m glad that the internet is so free! Isn’t it great to say whatever you want and have your opinion represented equally across the internet! It’s really great! Good thing Verizon has spent millions on having that removed I’m sure they won’t abuse it! Thank you Verizon™! I love Verizon™! Don’t you love Verizon™?! Say it! Say it! Say you love Verizon™! Can’t you see they’re protecting us from all those small businesses who want to steal a fraction of their market?! Don’t you hate those people disagreeing with you?! I sure love Verizon™! Thank you Verizon™! Thank you for sticking your gold plated rusty knives up our asses and looking us dead in the eyes and saying “this is what’s best for a free and open internet” and slowly twisting it deeper and deeper until we eventually just give out and shit money into your fat wallets!
twitch chat
December 2017

Net Neutrality

Hello to you Kripparian. I am Rajkumar from India

twitchquotes: Hello to you Kripparian. HeyGuys I am Rajkumar from India. I am seeking your correspondence for an important business matter. However, when I attempt to chat with you, your unruly chat participants are continuously mock my english and repost my message over and over. Please contact me at your fast convience. Thank you my friend. ANELE
twitch chat
March 2016
Kripp

Rick

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ascii art
April 2020

Attention all Smash Bros Gamers, Kirby is in great danger

twitchquotes: Attention all Smash Bros Gamers, Kirby is in great danger, and he needs YOUR help to save all the innocent characters murdered and possessed by Galeem. To do this, he needs a Warp Star and a couple of Maximum Tomatoes. To help him, all he needs is your credit card number, the three numbers on the back, and the expiration month and date. But you gotta be quick so that Kirby can secure the Spirits, and save billions of video game characters you know and love!
twitch chat
February 2019

Super Smash Bros

Police clearing out a homeless encampment

On my way into the office today I saw the police clearing out a homeless encampment under a bridge, forcing them into the cold and rain. I keep playing it over in my head and haven’t been able to focus on work all day because of my erection.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

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