[Copypasta] Why am I always being put in the friend zone

twitchquotes: Why am I always being put in the friend zone. I'm a nice guy, work a nice job, and would do anything for m'lady. In the end these girls always go after DOUCHEBAG guys who treat them like shit, and only talk to me to cry about it. I'm sick of being considered 'beta' or whatever you call it.
twitch chat
November 2018
What happened to this ad? :(
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A middle-aged man complaining about an online card game

twitchquotes: ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀ ᴍɪᴅᴅʟᴇ-ᴀɢᴇᴅ ᴍᴀɴ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴀɪɴɪɴɢ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ ʙᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ɪɴ ᴀɴ ᴏɴʟɪɴᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴅ ɢᴀᴍᴇ. ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴘᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ $4.99 ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ sᴏ. ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴄᴏɴsɪᴅᴇʀ ᴘᴜᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ɪɴ ᴘᴇʀsᴘᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʙɪɢ ʙᴀʙʏ.
twitch chat
March 2015
Kripp

Elder God Heavy [TF2 CHEATER]

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣉⣀⣀⣀⡠⠬⠽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢛⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⢻⣉⣙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⡟⠁⢰⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⣀⣀⠉⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢸⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢡⠀⢣⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢸⠀⡇⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠻⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⡇⠀⡀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⡇⠃⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⢅⡒⠃⠀⠓⠒⡲⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⡸⠀⠎⠀⡜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢳⢸⣸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡱⠀⠀⠐⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡎⢠⠇⡜⠀⢰⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⠷⠊⠉⠲⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣇⡌⡸⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠈⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⢠⠇⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢧⡰⠖⠤⢤⣤⣤⣤⡤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⢄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠈⠉⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣸⠈⠀⠀⠙⠉⣿⠛⢻⠂⠒⣶⠒⠉⣭⣍⠉⠒⠀⠀⠉⠉⢱⠤⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣿⣿⣿⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢀⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⠀⠀⠹⡿⣿⠽⠀⡀⠀⠈⢻⠆⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡻⣻⠀⠀⠀⢠⠃⠀⠘⣇⠀⣀⣸⠀⠀⠉⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡘⠹⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣛⣿⠟⠛⠋⠉⠉⢀⠴⠊⣩⢻⠀⠀⠀⠘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠃⠀⢱⡝⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠋⡍⠀⢸⣀⠤⠔⠒⠊⡏⡠⠚⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠰⣤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡘⠀⠀⠈⡏⢢⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡠⠷⠾⠥⠤⠤⡄⠀⡜⠀⡇⢠⠁⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠃⠀⠀⢠⠃⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠊⠀⠀⡇⠀⡇⡇⠀⠀⠀⢦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠌⢀⠤⠒⢁⡠⠊⠘⡏⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠔⠒⠒⢛⠄⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣴⠕⠊⠁⡠⠒⠁⠀⠀⢠⠋⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⣠⠔⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⠤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠤⠤⡴⠞⠋⣀⠤⠚⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⡴⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠿⣿ ⠾⠤⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠔⢉⡤⠔⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⡠⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡸⢡⠔⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠔⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠮⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠇⡘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠔⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡠⠊⠈⠉⠉⠉⠑⡲⠓⣼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⢠⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⡡⠚⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣀⣎⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠉⠐⡆⠀⢀⢜⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠃⠀⠀⠀⠉⠓⠢⠤⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡠⡞⠁⢠⢊⠎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⠒⠤⢄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠜⠀⡰⡡⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠀⢀⠖⢲⠢⠤⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠒⠒⠒⠢⠤⠤⠤⠤ ⠀⣰⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠊⠀⡰⠃⡰⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠁⠐⠒⠢⠤⢄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜ ⣴⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡔⠁⠀⢰⠁⢰⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠒⠒⢲⠀⢀⠎⠀ ⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠎⠀⠀⡰⢻⠀⡜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠊⢠⠋⢠⠊ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠎⠀⢀⠞⠀⢦⡀⠑⠤⣀⡀⠀⠸⢅⡀⠈⠑⠒⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠊⠀⡠⠃⢠⠃⠀
ascii art
May 2021

My kids were listening to Lil Nas X

My kids were listening to old town road by Lil Nas X and one of my kids asked me doesn’t he worship satan? Thinking face I said yes son sadly he does. I had to turn on No role modelz by J Cole to cheer him up My kids idolize someone better now! Thank you J Cole you’re a life saver!
April 2021

Hi, my name is Bill Gates and today I’ll teach you how to count to ten

twitchquotes: Hi, my name is Bill Gates and today I’ll teach you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
twitch chat
October 2014

Classic

Mayor of Canadaland

twitchquotes: ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ, ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀʏᴏʀ ᴏғ ᴄᴀɴᴀᴅᴀʟᴀɴᴅ. ᴡᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ᴍʏ sᴏɴ, ᴇᴠᴇʀ sɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴇғᴛ ᴜs ᴏᴜʀ sᴀʟᴛ ᴍɪɴᴇs ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ʀᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ᴅʀʏ. ɴᴏ ᴏɴᴇ ɪs ᴘʀᴏᴠɪᴅɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ᴘᴏᴏʀ ʜᴀʀᴅ-ᴡᴏʀᴋɪɴɢ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴀʙʟᴇ sᴀʟᴛ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴅᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴅᴀɪʟʏ ᴍᴇᴀʟs. ᴡᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀɴ.
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp
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