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When you clean your vacuum cleaner, aren't you the vacuum cleaner? 
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Hikaru and Magnus fanfic
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"Your chess is insane." Hikaru said, as he slipped his feminine hand into Magnus's pants and smirked. "Are you trying to mate me?" protests Magnus, as Hikaru blushes, the boyish figure undressed before Magnus. "Weak tempo play, Hikaru." The two kissed, deeply and passionately, and afterwards Magnus places his Rook into Hikarus open line.
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GMHikaru
Chess
Tomato Town Police Report
The residents of Tomato Town need your help identifying two suspects who were about to get down while involved in an event on Monday evening. Ten people were eliminated, and the two suspects, one injured, left the scene headed Southbound and were later spotted at a local park. The two suspects were armed with golden scar ARs and were “hitting that chug jug” as several witnesses stated. Please alert local Tomato Town authorities with any information regarding the duo.
Fortnite
I answer all of qt's questions he is asking himself
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my mom always asks me who I am skyping with, cause I answer all of qt's questions he is asking himself, am I weird?
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imaqtpie
I was banned for posting long paragraphs
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Hi Trump I was banned for posting "long paragraphs" according to my 3rd grade english teacher a paragraph is 6 or more sentences and a long paragraph is over 9. I would like compensation for this bannerino i recieved from some of your le nazi mods. I think that this should recieve at least 420/69 points for my paper. Please no copy pasterilni linguini pleaserini.
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Trump
This is probably the worst thing I've ever seen
This is probably the worst thing I've ever seen. 100 years from now when I'm dying on a hospital bed and I'm asked what my biggest regret was it will be that I turned on my internet and scrolled through the internet on that fateful day... I will never be able to recover from this. No amount of therapy will save me. No amount of prescription pills will let me recover. I am a shell. This memory is so bad my brain is physically rejecting it and now I have a headache every time I think about it. Why did you post this, thinking it was a good idea? You've permanently ruined my life because of this, I hope you're happy. I hope that one day this gets branded as a war crime and you get hauled off to prison, never to see the light of day again. The fact that you're already not in a psych ward for insanity is so baffling I have lost all faith in every kind of justice system. If you subscribe to any religion, you'd best spend the rest of your time atoning for this ultimate sin. Have a terrible day, I hope this creation of yours haunts you in your dreams.