twitchquotes:
My son π¦π» can be homer sexual π³οΈβπ My daughter π§π» can be lebanese π But I will NEVER βΌοΈ Raise a child πΆπ» who likes Jake and Logan Paul π
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I used to work at an abortion clinic
I used to work at an abortion clinic and I saw some extremely fucked up shit there which is why I'm so anti-abortion now. This is just SOME of the horrible stuff I personally witnessed:
β’ β A 23 year old woman came in 11 months into her pregnancy and said "I don't want my stupid baby anymore, kill it" and the doctor said "okay" and he put jumper cables up her baby hole and connected them to a car battery and let it run for six days straight
β’ β A little 8-year old girl wandered in and said "I want an abortion but I am not pregnant" and the doctor said "we'll fix that" and he stole a baby and cut the girl open and put the baby inside her and sewed her shut and then woke the girl up and said "congratulations it's a healthy six year old boy" and the girl said "can I keep him" and the doctor said no and then backed over her in the parking lot with his brand new Ford Raptor
β’ β They made me sign an agreement promising to stop drinking from the medical waste container (I signed somebody else's name)
β’ β One of the doctors there developed a futuristic ray gun that could make anything he shot have an abortion, even trees, cars, or barns
β’ β The receptionist threw nail polish at an elderly man
β’ β The doctor's assistant invented this thing she called "the silly slide" and it was a really fun little water slide that connected a woman's vagina to a paper shredder so a newborn baby could briefly "enjoy the high life"
β’ β The oldest child we aborted was in his late 70s, we didn't even know he was a baby until his wife brought in photos
β’ β The doctors put all sorts of crap up a woman's uterus including a clown nose, bicycle handlebars, a calendar, and an entire Sears retail outlet (before bankruptcy)
β’ β During every successful abortion, the doctor would shout "take that, baby" and he'd push a red button that made sirens go off and confetti fell from the ceiling and we'd all get Del Taco for free
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Sanity lost to Amogus
Ha...hahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's it! I surrender! My sanity can't take this anymore! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I feel like killing someone! I'm not even joking!! I'M FEELING REALLY SUSNO no no i'm NOT sus, Amogus isn't real...but why are there VENTS all over my house?!?!?! OH NO...the power just went out...a fuse was blown...oh God, oh fuck!!! I have to go to ELECTRICAL!!! My roommate looking kinda SUS right now! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Among Us is painted on my walls in blood...I've been humming the Among Drip theme song to myself for three months now...SUS!!! IMPOSTER! 
VENTED!!! HAHAHAHAHA! KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME
VENTED!!! HAHAHAHAHA! KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME
Among Us / Amogus
It was dinner time in the Cloud Nein Gamer house
twitchquotes:
It was dinner time in the Cloud Nein Gaymer house. Zachary βSneakyβ Scuderi dishes up a steaming plate of pasta when he realizes he forgot the meat. William βMeteosβ Hartman looks up from his plate with a gleam in his eye. βI got the meat right here for you baby.β Lubing up with Marinara Sauce, Meteos begins to pound his sausage into sneakyβs lightly buttered dinner roll. With a scream of delight Meat-eos releases his load calling an end to another successful team dinner.
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Sneaky
KappaPride
League of Legends
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Ghiaccio: You know Paris, France?
You know Paris, France? In English, it's pronounced "Paris" but everyone else pronounces it without the "s" sound, like the French do. But with Venezia, everyone pronouces it the English way: "Venice". Like 'The Merchant of Venice' or 'Death in Venice'. WHY, THOUGH!? WHY ISN'T THE TITLE DEATH IN VENEZIA!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? IT TAKES PLACE IN ITALY, SO USE THE ITALIAN WORD, DAMMIT! THAT SHIT PISSES ME OFF! BUNCH OF DUMBASSES!