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I hate spam, its so overrated. Thank you mods for keeping our chat experience so pristine and enjoyable! 
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(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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every youtube comment
No one:
Not a single soul:
This video: exists
This comment: hold my beer
Me: so you have chosen death
Death: that's a big yikes from me dawg
Also death: I wasn't expecting special forces
Me: mom can we have death
Mom: we already have death at home
Death at home: surprised pikachu face
This video literally makes me cry every time
Who else is watching this in ????
This video: wait that's illegal
Also this video: why do I hear boss music???
Thumbs up so he sees this comment in 14 years when this video gets recommended!
Edit: thanks for the likes XD
Classic
Partake in the wonderment that is the McGriddle
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I can only assume from your cavalier attitude that you have yet to partake in the wonderment that is the McGriddle. Let me enlighten you. What happens is the One True God grows them on trees in the Elysian Fields using a heretofore unused incantation. He then proceeds to magic them down to your local eatery where whatever Ghetto Bastard cook your McDonalds has rescued from welfare that week proceeds to wrap it in cellophane and pass it along to you, the fortunate consumer. You proceed to ingest this finery in the vain hope that your obviously overmatched taste buds can somehow grasp the delectable intricacies it is suddenly faced with. Is that egg? Why yes it is, and bacon too. But wait-they didn't add... yes they did, yes they did indeed. They added cheese. And then, then my friends, they wrap it in a sumptuous pancake bun! As your taste buds try to process that amazing piece of information, IT hits them...the syrup nugget. THE MOTHERFUCKING SYRUP NUGGET! It announces itself with a burst of confectionery grandiosity the likes of which your palate has never seen.
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How to prank your school principle
Step 1: Go to his office
Step 2: distract him
Step 3: Put a fish on his desk
Step 4: He'll laugh at it and say "Who put this fish on my desk"
Step 5: Break his kneecaps
Hey Balls, I'm trying to learn to play Darius
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ＨＥＹ ＢＡＬＬＳ， Ｉ’Ｍ ＴＲＹＩＮＧ ＴＯ ＬＥＡＲＮ ＴＯ ＰＬＡＹ ＤＡＲＩＵＳ． Ｉ ＪＵＳＴ ＨＡＶＥ Ａ ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＨＥ ＳＫＩＬＬ ＢＵＩＬＤ： ＳＨＯＵＬＤ Ｉ ＭＡＸ ＤＥＣＩＭＡＴＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＤＥＣＩＭＡＴＥＤ ＦＮＡＴＩＣ， ＣＲＩＰＰＬＩＮＧ ＳＴＲＩＫＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＣＲＩＰＰＬＥＤ ＦＮＡＴＩＣ＇Ｓ ＣＨＡＮＣＥＳ ＯＦ ＧＥＴＴＩＮＧ ＯＵＴ ＯＦ ＧＲＯＵＰＳ，ＯＲ ＡＰＰＲＥＨＥＮＤ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＡＰＰＲＥＨＥＮＤＥＤ ＡＬＬ ＦＩＶＥ ＯＦ ＦＮＡＴＩＣ ＦＯＲ Ａ ＰＥＮＴＡＫＩＬＬ．
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Riot Games
League of Legends
Catch ya in the gym... not
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moon2EZ sup nerds 
*sips Monster Energy Drink*. Name's Kyle, and you losers wish you were me. All I need in this world is my sick JUUL Vape pen, a 12 pack of Monsters, and some drywall to punch. I only wear the finest Tapout and Affliction T-shirts and I'm the best fry cook Applebee's has ever had. While you waste away your day on this fucking bald guy's nerd chat, I'll be talking to tons of hot babes on my MetroPCS iPhone. Anyways, stay mad losers, I'm outta here moon2EZ Catch ya in the gym... not
*sips Monster Energy Drink*. Name's Kyle, and you losers wish you were me. All I need in this world is my sick JUUL Vape pen, a 12 pack of Monsters, and some drywall to punch. I only wear the finest Tapout and Affliction T-shirts and I'm the best fry cook Applebee's has ever had. While you waste away your day on this fucking bald guy's nerd chat, I'll be talking to tons of hot babes on my MetroPCS iPhone. Anyways, stay mad losers, I'm outta here moon2EZ Catch ya in the gym... not
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MOONMOON