[Copypasta] You have exceeded your monthly allowance of haHAA

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July 2017
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OVERCLOWNFIDENCE

twitchquotes: ( ͠° ͟🔴 ͡°) OVERCLOWNFIDENCE IS A SLOW AND HILARIOUS KILLER ( ͠° ͟🔴 ͡°)
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July 2015

Classic

Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021

I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021

Guido Mista's face

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠛⢛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠐⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⢀⣀⡈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⡀⠴⢒⡒⠂⠄⢀⡀⢐⡀⡀⠄⠄⢀⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡡⠪⠶⢿⡭⡉⠄⢀⢣⣖⣶⣬⡱⣄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⣔⣎⠓⠂⡀⠑⠖⣒⠭⠻⠿⠿⠷⠙⣎⠉⠉⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢧⢱⣿⣔⣀⠊⠐⢼⣿⣶⣠⠄⠐⡐⠶⡂⣿⣀⡀⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠂⣿⣿⣷⣶⣟⣴⣾⣿⣧⣐⣤⣤⣭⣿⠇⡇⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢹⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⡌⠿⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢫⡞⡇⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣫⠞⢀⣿⣿⣿⣥⣤⣌⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣽⣿⠁⡇⠒⢒⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣯⣾⠋⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣭⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⡿⠃⣴⡇⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡛⡿⣿⣿⣷⣇⠄⠄⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣉⠄⣼⡇⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠉⠐⣥⡙⠛⠿⠇⢸⠰⠄⠄⠄⠹⠟⠛⠋⢉⣀⢩⢴⠄⢰⣿⣧⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⢱⡀⠄⠄⠇⡰⠄⡐⠄⠰⠰⢿⠃⠈⠉⢠⠄⠄⠻⠿⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡤⡴⠶⠚⠋⠻⣆⠄⠁⣠⠡⠐⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠠⣦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠲⠎⠉
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August 2019

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

monkaEyes

⣀⣾⣿⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⢿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠓⠤⠄ ⣿⣿⣧⣭⣿⣿⣋⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄🔴 ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ 🔴 ⠄⠄⢸ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣤⣤⣀⣀⣤⣤⣴⣾⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⡶⠋
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June 2019

Pepe

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