[Copypasta] Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku

twitchquotes: Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shapeshifting Master of Darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But a foolish Samurai warrior, wielding a magic sword, stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to the past, and undo the future that is Aku!
twitch chat
June 2017
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Just hit gold and I feel really dangerous IRL

twitchquotes: Last night I hit Gold rank in League of Legends, Summoner's Rift for the first time. Today, when I went on my walk to my standard retail job, idk I felt like I had this new edge to me that wasn't there before. I went from a triangle to a square pretty much. Have any other LoL overachievers ever felt this way before? It's like my rank is strapped to my waist and now whenever people are at risk of passing me on the sidewalk, they skirt over to the other side in a tizzy. At work, someone tried to shoplift some Almond Joy. When I caught him, I yelled "hey!" And he looked at me and scoffed, like, "whatever dude, don't be a hero." I put a hand on my hip and said "I'm not a hero, I'm a jungler." He dropped the candy bar and ran to his getaway vehicle. I recorded the plate and called the police.
twitch chat
January 2020

League of Legends

Blushing anime girl (ahegao)

⣿⣯⣿⣟⣟⡼⣿⡼⡿⣷⣿⣿⣿⠽⡟⢋⣿⣿⠘⣼⣷⡟⠻⡿⣷⡼⣝⡿⡾⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢁⣵⡇⡟⠀⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⡇⣴⣿⣿⣧⣿⣿⡇⠀⢣⣿⣷⣀⡏⢻⣿ ⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⠷⠁⠀⠛⠛⠋⠀⠂⠹⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠉⠁⠀⠘⠛⠛⠛⠃⢸⣯ ⣿⡇⠀⣄⣀⣀⣈⣁⠈⠉⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠎⠈⠀⣀⣁⣀⣀⡠⠈⠉ ⣿⣯⣽⡿⢟⡿⠿⠛⠛⠿⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢠⣴⣾⠛⠛⠿⠻⠛⠿⣷⣶ ⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⣿⡿⣶⣿⣫⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠰⣿⠿⠾⣿⡇⠀⠀⢺⣿ ⣿⣿⠻⡀⠀⠀⠙⠏⠒⡻⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⡓⢚⠟⠁⠀⠀⡾⢫ ⣿⣿⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⡈⣉⡀⡠⣐⣅⣽⣺⣿⣯⡡⣴⣴⣔⣠⣀⣀⡀⢀⡀⡀⠀⣸ ⣿⣿⣷⣿⣟⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢻⢾⣷⣿ ⣿⣿⣟⠫⡾⠟⠫⢾⠯⡻⢟⡽⢶⢿⣿⣿⡛⠕⠎⠻⠝⠪⢖⠝⠟⢫⠾⠜⢿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣋⣀⣈⣢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣐⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡔⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⡿⣿⣿⢽⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠛⢅⣙⣙⠿⠉⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣄⣅⠀⠓⠀⠀⣀⣠⣴⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
April 2020

Weebs

NSFW

nl_Kripp can you stop it with all the salt?

twitchquotes: nl_Kripp can you stop it with all the salt? I was trapped in a salt mine for 3 days straight without any water or food. I only survived by drinking my own urine and eating my toes. Every time I see you spitting salt everywhere it gives me terrible PTSD flashbacks. Thanks.
twitch chat
August 2015
Kripp

salty

Titsa me, Mario!

ascii art
June 2017

AITA for not telling my wife about all the hitchhikers I killed in the 70s?

Back when I (68M) was a young and dumb twenty-something, I spent a few carefree years in Southern California raping, torturing, and murdering hitchhikers. I don't want any judgement from SJWs about this, please, if you didn't live in Cali in the 1970s, you wouldn't understand. It was just what we did back in those days. Eventually I grew up, got married, had three beautiful kids, and was content to just get off to my trophies and polaroids, and maybe kill the occasional drifter on special occasions. The other day, my wife (37F) found the hidden panel in my basement wall where I keep all the old memories, and she went ballistic. I tried to calm her down, explained that, firstly, they were all dudes, so she shouldn't exactly be getting jealous. Second, they're all dead, so it's not like she's going to have to worry about me leaving her for any of them. Third, there were like three or four other guys doing the same thing around then, and they took the credit for most of my kills. I was very careful, covered my tracks, rarely finished inside them. I don't know why she's got her knickers in such a twist. Quite frankly, I'm feeling really hurt about the whole thing. We've been together for nearly thirty years, and she's thinking about leaving me over something like this? Maybe I should have been more honest, but I was raised to see this as men's business, not something you involve your old lady in. Am I the asshole?
August 2021

AITA

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