[Copypasta] Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku

twitchquotes: Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shapeshifting Master of Darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But a foolish Samurai warrior, wielding a magic sword, stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to the past, and undo the future that is Aku!
twitch chat
June 2017
What happened to this ad? :(
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I hate, hate, hate coffee culture

I hate, hate, hate coffee culture. I can't stand people saying, "Oh, I can't do anything until I get a warm cup of coffee in me." Shut up. Being a former smoker, I recognize the addiction and subsequent irritability of coffee drinkers and it bugs me to no end that caffeine gets glossed over as an addictive substance, or even fucking celebrated to some extent. Those people who brag about needing 5 expresso shots (sorry, esssspresso) a day need an intervention, not a nod of approval. Seriously, all you coffee drinkers are the biggest group of fucking enablers I've ever seen. When doing group activities, like camping, I loathe waiting for others to start their day after a morning ritual that hogs counter space, or propane, or dirties good clean water. I hate the sleepy look in peoples' eyes as they grasp their cup of stimulant that they wouldn't need had they never started drinking it in the first place. There's an entire fucking cupboard in my kitchen dedicated to stupid coffee mugs and their dumb sayings staring back at me despite living in a household where only one person drinks coffee. Why? And the dishes. Since nearly every person drinks coffee, inevitably us non-coffee drinkers are going to have to clean up after your morning fix. Seriously, I've done so many goddamned cleanings of coffee mugs if I had a dime for every one, I'd probably have enough for a Starbucks franchise. And don't even get me started on Starbucks. Godamned devil business slanging legal crack for decades, hogging good real estate so addicts have a place to slurp up and get their morning shit in before work. Lastly, I despise the amalgam of ways people cook up their black powder and then talk up the flavor as though it tastes like something other than a dirty sock. That's your addiction speaking. You want to know why you need to dump half an udder of cream in your cup? It's because cream is fucking delicious and when combined with your filthy water, makes it somewhat bearable. And your stupid machines that creak and groan through the quietude of my morning can go fuck themselves. Talk about a waste of counter-space. And the spent black stimulant granules that spill over onto the counter, staining the grout drives me nuts. And lastly, the goddamned keurig cups or whatever they're called are one of humanity's worst inventions, sandwiched between Glyphosate and Joe Rogan. At least the meth addicts don't deposit a plastic remnant that will persist in landfills for hundreds of years spreading micro-plastics into our environment every time they need to get high.
September 2021

Doot diddity donger cuckerino

twitchquotes: CoolStoryBob ๐““๐“ธ๐“ธ๐“ฝ ๐“ญ๐“ฒ๐“ญ๐“ญ๐“ฒ๐“ต๐”‚ ๐“ญ๐“ธ๐“ท๐“ฐ๐“ฎ๐“ป ๐“ฌ๐“พ๐“ฌ๐“ด๐“ฎ๐“ป๐“ฒ๐“ท๐“ธ CoolStoryBob
twitch chat
November 2016
imaqtpie

Hey Kripp! It's Arena...

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp! It's Arena... It's been a while, haven't it old buddy? I see that you've been playing Battlegrounds and have completely forgotten about me, even though I was always there for you. Low blow Kripp, hope you finish 8th in all your next games. Toodles!
twitch chat
February 2020
Kripp

Hearthstone

Mr. Morosan, remove this wooden triangle

twitchquotes: There is one sign the Kripparrian can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance dramatically the cause of freedom and peace. General Secretary Morosan, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for Twitch and Youtube, if you seek liberalization, come here to this wooden triangle. Mr. Morosan, remove this wooden triangle. Mr. Morosan, tear down this wall!
twitch chat
September 2016
Kripp

Twitch Popo

twitchquotes: Hi Forsen. This is the twitch popo. I heard you wanted me to "come at you?" I'm here to give you the bannerino
twitch chat
November 2014
Forsen
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