[Copypasta] Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku

twitchquotes: Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shapeshifting Master of Darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But a foolish Samurai warrior, wielding a magic sword, stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to the past, and undo the future that is Aku!
twitch chat
June 2017
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. β€œThat’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. β€œBut as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022

Penis

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May 2021

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Summon The Hydra

Last night I shoved live gerbils in my ass for the first time. AMA

July 2022

Confessions

If Morbius has a trillion fans

If Morbius has a trillion fans I am one of them. If Morbius has 10 fans I am one of them. If Morbius has no fans, that I means I am no longer on Earth. If the Universe is against Morbius, I am against the Universe. I love Morbius until my last breath.
June 2022

Morbius

Roses are red, I'm flexing today

twitchquotes: πŸ’ͺ πŸ˜‚ roses are red πŸ’ͺ πŸ˜‚ violets are blue πŸ’ͺ πŸ˜‚ i'm flexing today πŸ’ͺ πŸ˜‚ why aren't you?? πŸ’ͺ πŸ˜‚
twitch chat
September 2017
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