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Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass
I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass.
I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me.
The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
Confessions
Jacked Impostor
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠯⠀⡖⠒⠒⠠⠤⣄⡀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣷⣶⡆⣶⣶⣿⡏⣦⢁⣄⢿⣿⢰⣶⣶⡌⣿⡏⢰⣶⣦⡄⢠⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⢳⣦⣽⣿⢱⣶⣶⡌⣿⡇⢰⣶⣶⠈⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⢸⣿⢸⣿⠸⠿⠿⢃⣿⡇⢸⣿⣇⠂⠈⠑⠒⠦⠤⣀⡀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⡇⣿⡇⠈⢩⣭⣼⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣟⣛⣃⣛⠛⣿⣅⣿⢸⣿⢸⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡘⣛⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢀⣶⣸⣿⣿⣿⣜⣛⣛⣡⣿⣇⣸⣷⣍⡻⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠁⠱⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣻⠟⢁⡇⠂⠀⠀⢻⣷⣤⣄⣀⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⣠⢧⠀⢐⡀⠀⡿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⣟⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⢉⡍⠀⠈⣽⣿⣿⣿⠒⠛⠉⠀⢳⢼⡇⠀⣇⣈⡍⢉⣄⢼⣥⡀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠳⠿⠿⠒⠋⠁⠀⠉⠉⠉⣿⣿⣿⡛⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣨⣤⣄⡠⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢈⠉⠛⠃⠀⠀⠙⡀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⢀⣶⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢄⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⡿⡟⣀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⢽⠃⠀⠓⠄⣰⣿⡍⢿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣝⢿⣆⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⡿⢼⠀⡄⠀⢀⣿⠿⡃⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⣀⣀⣀⣴⠳⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⠛⠻⡻⣄⠀⢸⡉⢻⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣇⢸⡆⠇⠀⡞⠁⡕⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⡿⠛⠉⠉⠁⠈⣶⠉⠛⠛⠲⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠘⢜⡢⠀⠛⢸⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⠸⠇⠀⡄⠀⠘⠅⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⠿⣿⣄⣠⣤⡄⠀⠐⠛⠛⣿⣟⠓⠀⠀⡀⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡱⠀⠀⢺⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠙⣄⡎⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⡻⠀⠀⢹⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡟⢡⢿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢱⡀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿
⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣶⣤⣤⡙⢿⣧⠐⠦⣬⣄⣀⡀⠠⠶⠒⠛⣿⠟⠁⠀⠰⢦⣿⠗⠃⣰⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡤⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⡿⢿⣿⣿⡌⠏⣷⣤⣨⣿⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣧⣾⠃⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⣠⣼⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿
⣿⡏⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣞⠐⠈⠻⣿⣿⣤⣀⠤⠤⠤⢿⠿⠆⠠⠶⢶⣿⡟⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿
⣿⡇⣿⣯⠿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣯⣯⡀⠀⠸⣿⡍⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⠇⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⡿⣿
⣿⣧⣿⡿⡇⠙⢄⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡞⣷⡀⠀⢸⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠄⠀⠀⣼⠟⠘⢰⣿
⣿⣿⣾⣷⠀⠀⠀⠱⣄⡈⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣦⡈⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠀⣼⠟⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢐⠀⡰⠁⠀⠀⣼⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠹⡇⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠈⣷⢻⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡟⠀⡏⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢸⡼⠁⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣷⣻⣷⣀⣀⣀⣃⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣃⣴⣎⣀⣙⣄⣻⣿⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣰⠄⣺⣁⣸⣇⣀⣰⣶⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣹⣇⣀⣀⣰⣿⣿⣿
Among Us / Amogus
I am Bamalama Shmamahdu, from the Congo
twitchquotes:
Hey Reynad, I am Bamalama Shmamahdu, from the Congo. We regret to inform you that your shipment of child solders may be a bit late this month due to a shipping error. We are very sorry for this inconvenience, and you will receive AIDS, free of charge as our way of saying sorry.
twitch chat
Reynad
I think i need a special vaccine
twitchquotes:
😳 what's this? my heart is beating so fast 💓 I feel dizzy 🤪 what is this tension in my lower body? 
I am sweating so much 🥵 I think i need a special vaccine 🍆 because I have [insert streamer name]virus 🤒🤒🤒
I am sweating so much 🥵 I think i need a special vaccine 🍆 because I have [insert streamer name]virus 🤒🤒🤒
twitch chat
Can Goldshire Footman replace Auctioneer for miracle rogue?
twitchquotes:
Hi chat and forsen, I am wondering what I can replace auctioneer for in my Miracle rogue deck, do you think Goldshire Footman will work? Thanks and hope you suggest good cards. Greetings from Nigeria
twitch chat
Forsen