[Copypasta] Impossible to be happy and sad at the same time

twitchquotes: haHAA they say it's impossible to be happy & sad at the same time haHAA My wife told me i have the biggest d*ck out of all my brothers haHAA
twitch chat
October 2016
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Am I The Asshole for not being able to trade options for my dad? I’m 6.

This started about 4 years ago when I was 2 years old. My dad started to supplement me picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I have retained absolutely nothing even though my dad has spent every waking minute trying to make me understand. He has done almost everything including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while I am sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make me understand the market. Yesterday, he got to a breaking point when I couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. My dad finally convinced my mom that they were doing the right thing when he said that I will soon be a Wendy's worker begging my wife's husband for a weekly allowance because I will never amount to be anything. He couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said, if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy, plz adopt me from Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska.
September 2021

WallStreetBets

Am I The Asshole?

Shroud

⠄⠄⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄ ⢰⡾⠛⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⣀⣤⣤⣴⣦⣠⣄⣀⠄⠄⠄ ⠋⠁⣠⣄⣴⣶⠶⠶⠶⣦⡜⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠃⠁⡀⠄ ⣷⣾⣿⠟⠁⡀⠄⠄⢀⠄⠁⠈⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠰⠿⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠊⠄ ⣿⣿⠃⣀⣘⣓⣤⣤⠈⠁⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⡿⡤⠄⣈⣠⣄⣉⣉⡉⢉⣂⣀⣠⣤⠑ ⣿⣽⣾⣿⣿⣟⣩⣤⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡈⢷⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢸⣬⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠈⠛⠁⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣭⣴⣾⣾⣋⣀⣠⠤⠐⢺⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣼⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣀⡀⠄⠉⢿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⡈⢉⣼⣿⣿⡿⠿⠽⠻⠧⠄⠛⢛⠊⠉⠓⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⠇⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡡⣷⣾⠟⠉⣠⣦⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⡷⡇⠄⠄⢀⡠⢀⣿⠓⣼⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡗⣿⣥⠄⠈⠙⠋⠄⣀⣉⣉⡉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⢴⣿⣷⣿⣿⢂⠿⡟ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⡦⠤⣤⣭⣤⠄⠂⢀⢠⡤⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⢋⡸⠂⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣶⢛⠟⠿⡿⡉⣁⡂⠸⢿⣿⣿⠟⠄⠄⠄
ascii art
December 2018
shroud

Well to be perfectly honest

twitchquotes: Well to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view's and by trying to make it objectified, and by considering each and every one's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was going to say
twitch chat
January 2019

War Thunder is like playing chess

It's not that the game is addicting, it's just that there are no decent alternatives. War Thunder is basically the intellectual version of the FPS games that all the stupid children and mongoloid brains play. Instead of just being based purely on twitch "skills" which require as much intellectual ability as closing popup spam windows, in War Thunder you have to use at least some tactics and strategy. FPS games are like playing Pong on high speed. War Thunder is like playing chess. The art of gaming is simply dead for big brains. 20 years ago there were tons of games that required brainpower because PC gaming back then was by nerds and for nerds, but then the corporate suits took over and were like "broaden the appeal to we can make more sales" so everything got dumbed down to the lowest common denominator. My GF asked me if I was "having fun" playing War Thunder, and I looked at her like she was a fucking retard to even consider that sentence a valid question. I don't have FUN playing War Thunder. This game routinely pisses me off and makes me rage. However, when I stomp the entire enemy team and crush them so utterly I can hear the lamentations of their mothers, I feel satisfaction. I spent weeks grinding for Operation Winter. The vikings had a word for this. They called it Valhalla. Endless war. Endless combat. Knowing only victory and death. Bathing in the blood of your enemies. You get 15 kills and bask in glory and rewards, and think: what should I do now? Should I get in my Honda Fit and tour the local strip mall for my Triumph? Should I microwave some tendies and throw myself a great Feast? But there is only one option. There is only ever one option. To Battle! Various cultures have alternatively described the gameplay loop of War Thunder as their vision of Heaven or Hell. It is both.
January 2021

Anything to get inside Kripp

twitchquotes: I never wanted to breed with anyone more than I want to with Kripp. That perfect, scrawny body. That shining forehead. The receding hairline of a literal god. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I’ll never mate with him, pass my genes through him, and have nothing happen because he's a man. I’d do fucking ANYTHING for the chance to get inside Kripp. A N Y T H I N G.
twitch chat
February 2019
Kripp
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