[Copypasta] I miss the old Harambe

twitchquotes: I miss the old Harambe. Straight from the zoo Harambe. Eating his food Harambe. No attitude Harambe. I hate the new Harambe. Shot by a dude Harambe. The Youtube views Harambe. Up in the news Harambe. I miss the sweet Harambe. Playing with kids Harambe. I gotta say at that time I'd like to meet Harambe. See I invented Harambe. It wasnt any Harambes. And now i look and look around and there's no more Harambes.
twitch chat
September 2016

Classic

Harambe

I used to be a real ad
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I'm done with this chat

twitchquotes: That's it, I'm done. *** this chat. It's devolved into a mass of retarded copy pastes and face spam. The quality of twitch chat has been declining for a while, but this is the last straw. That's it. I'm done. I'm uninstalling the internet, chopping off my dick and moving to *** Antarctica, at least the bacteria there will be *** smarter discourse.
twitch chat
March 2014

Classic

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

Unidan "jackdaw is a crow"

Here's the thing. You said a "jackdaw is a crow." Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that. As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing. If you're saying "crow family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Corvidae, which includes things from nutcrackers to blue jays to ravens. So your reasoning for calling a jackdaw a crow is because random people "call the black ones crows?" Let's get grackles and blackbirds in there, then, too. Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A jackdaw is a jackdaw and a member of the crow family. But that's not what you said. You said a jackdaw is a crow, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the crow family crows, which means you'd call blue jays, ravens, and other birds crows, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?
October 2021

Classic

Fuck You Chat

β „β’Έβ£Ώβ‘Ÿβ ›β ›β ƒβ’Έβ£Ώβ‘‡β „β „β£Ώβ‘‡β „β£Όβ£Ώβ Ÿβ »β£Ώβ£†β „β£Ώβ£Ώβ’ β£Ύβ£Ώβ ‹β „β „ ⠄Ⓒ⣿⣷⣢⣢⠄Ⓒ⣿⑇⠄⠄⣿⑇⠄⣿⑏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄ β „β’Έβ£Ώβ‘‡β „β „β „β ˜β£Ώβ£§β£€β£°β£Ώβ‘‡β „β’Ώβ£Ώβ£€β£ β£Ώβ‘Άβ „β£Ώβ£Ώβ ƒβ’Ήβ£Ώβ£†β „β „ β „β ˜β ›β ƒβ „β „β „β „β ˜β ›β ›β ›β ‹β „β „β ˆβ ›β ›β ›β ›β β „β ›β ›β „β „β ›β ›β ƒβ „ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⒠⣀⑄⠄⠄⣀⣀⠄⒀⣠⣀⣄⑀⠄⒠⣀⑄⠄⠄⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ β „β „β „β „β „β’»β£Ώβ£„β£Όβ£Ώβ ƒβ£°β£Ώβ Ÿβ ›β’Ώβ£Ώβ‘„β’Έβ£Ώβ‘‡β „β „β£Ώβ£Ώβ „β „β „β „β „ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿⑿⠁⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄Ⓒ⣿⑇Ⓒ⣿⑇⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⑇⠄⠄⠹⣿⣦⣀⣼⣿⠃⠄⣿⣷⣀⣴⣿⑏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β ›β ƒβ „β „β „β ˆβ ›β ›β ‹β β „β „β ˆβ ™β ›β ›β ‰β „β „β „β „β „β „ ⠄⠄⒀⣠⣀⣀⣄⑀⠄⣀⣀⠄⠄⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⑄⠄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠄⠄ β „β „β£Ύβ£Ώβ ‹β ™β Ώβ —β „β£Ώβ£Ώβ£€β£€β£Ώβ£Ώβ „β „β£Έβ£Ώβ’Ώβ£·β „β ›β ›β£Ώβ£Ώβ ›β ›β „β „ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⣀⠄⠄⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⣿⠄⒠⣿⣏⣸⣿⑆⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ β „β „β »β£Ώβ£¦β£΄β£Ώβ‘Ÿβ „β£Ώβ£Ώβ „β „β£Ώβ£Ώβ „β£Όβ£Ώβ Ώβ Ώβ’Ώβ£Ώβ‘€β „β£Ώβ£Ώβ „β „β „β „ β „β „β „β ˆβ ‰β ‰β ‰β „β „β ‰β ‰β „β „β ‰β ‰β „β ‰β ‰β „β „β ˆβ ‰β β „β ‰β ‰β „β „β „β „
ascii art
June 2019

Classic

I hate Twitch Chat

Mario poops mods

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–“β–“β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ ░░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░▐░▄▄▀░░░░░░░░░ β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–€β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–‘MODS░░░░▐▄▄▄▀░░░░░░░░░
ascii art
January 2017

MODS

Classic

More Classic Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing