[Copypasta] I dream of becoming a carrot

twitchquotes: I dream of becoming a carrot. When I'm home alone I dig holes in the backyard and stand in them, put lettuce on top of my head from sun up to sun down. I would steal sun tan spray from stores and use it until I turned a bright orange. People tell me it's impossible for me to be a carrot but I know I can be anything I want to be.
twitch chat
May 2016

Classic

(ā–€ĢæĹĢÆā”œā”¬ā”“ā”¬ā”“ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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How do I get my husband to stop going ā€˜Goblin Modeā€™ during sex?

How do I get my husband to stop going ā€˜Goblin Modeā€™ during sex? TLDR; My husband says ā€˜Goblin Mode activatedā€™ when we start to have sex, growls and acts like a caveman, and then says ā€˜Goblin Mode offā€™ when we stop, and then pretends not to remember afterward. I really love my husband and heā€™s always been great in bed. But recently heā€™s been acting really weird. So, a couple of days ago, my son went on a rampage through our house and said he was in ā€˜Goblin Modeā€™. We didnā€™t really know what to do with him, so we sent him to live with my parents so he can go to a special needs school. My husband a really great relationship with our son and loved him more than anything. Naturally, he was upset when he had to leave. Heā€™s an incredibly tough man, but this was the first time Iā€™ve ever seen him cry. I think since then, heā€™s been a little emotionally unwell. Iā€™ve heard him muttering, ā€˜Goblinā€™ repeatedly when he didnā€™t notice me, staring blankly into his food, and just going alone by himself to do who knows what. I feel awful for him, but we both agreed that this was for the best. Last night, the day after our son went away, we decided to have sex to relieve our stress. However, my husband said ā€˜Goblin Mode activatedā€™, starting growling, and went wild having sex with me. Admittedly, it was some of the best and most experimental sex Iā€™ve ever had, but Iā€™m worried that something might be going on with my husband. Any advice? Edit: The problem isnā€™t the ā€˜Goblin Modeā€™, itā€™s that he could be ill
July 2022

Confessions

Classic

I just downvoted your comment FAQ (Reddit)

I just downvoted your comment. # FAQ ## What does this mean? The amount of karma (points) on your comment and Reddit account has decreased by one. ## Why did you do this? There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be unworthy of positive or neutral karma. These include, but are not limited to: ā€¢ ā Rudeness towards other Redditors, ā€¢ ā Spreading incorrect information, ā€¢ ā Sarcasm not correctly flagged with a /s. ## Am I banned from the Reddit? No - not yet. But you should refrain from making comments like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to issue an additional downvote, which may put your commenting and posting privileges in jeopardy. ## I don't believe my comment deserved a downvote. Can you un-downvote it? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I undo a downvote. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a private message explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to Reddit PMs within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of downvote appeals are rejected, and yours is likely no exception. ## How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the downvote and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated on Reddit.com. I will continue to issue downvotes until you improve your conduct. Remember: Reddit is privilege, not a right.
March 2021

Classic

Reddit

Priced in

Don't even ask the question. The answer is yes, it's priced in. Think Amazon will beat the next earnings? That's already been priced in. You work at the drive thru for Mickey D's and found out that the burgers are made of human meat? Priced in. You think insiders don't already know that? The market is an all powerful, all encompassing being that knows the very inner workings of your subconscious before you were even born. Your very existence was priced in decades ago when the market was valuing Standard Oil's expected future earnings based on population growth that would lead to your birth, what age you would get a car, how many times you would drive your car every week, how many times you take the bus/train, etc. Anything you can think of has already been priced in, even the things you aren't thinking of. You have no original thoughts. Your consciousness is just an illusion, a product of the omniscent market. Free will is a myth. The market sees all, knows all and will be there from the beginning of time until the end of the universe (the market has already priced in the heat death of the universe). So please, before you make a post on wsb asking whether AAPL has priced in earpods 11 sales or whatever, know that it has already been priced in and don't ask such a dumb fucking question again.
December 2020

Classic

WallStreetBets

I am coming back from my 10 minute ban

twitchquotes: I am coming back from my 10 minute ban, and I want to say that I think it was bullshit. Yes, I wrote a funny paragraph that turned into copypasta, which happened to bring a laugh or a smile to a few people. If you mods wanted that to stop, you could have just said so, there is so much copypasta going on in this chat that I could have never thought that deserved a 10 minute ban. Reggie is probably a mod in here and he is the one that banned me. Anyway, I'm glad to be back
twitch chat
April 2021

Classic

MODS

BURGERS I EAT ALL DAY

twitchquotes: OpieOP BURGERS I EAT ALL DAY OpieOP LEAGUE OF LEGENDS I CANNOT PLAY OpieOP EU STAR PLAYERS I HAVE TO PAY OpieOP PROPER HEALTHCARE AN OCEAN AWAY OpieOP YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT OpieOP IM NA OpieOP
twitch chat
August 2018

Classic

EU vs NA

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