Cashier was at home until someone came to the door. He opened the door and a very cute girl selling girl scout cookies was there. "Do you want any cookies sir?", she asked him. Cashier asked, "is there any other way I could pay?"
THEY FUCK
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Infinite poop
twitchquotes:
Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.
twitch chat
Classic
Hey Kripp, how's it going, Hero Academy 2 Dev here
twitchquotes:
Hey Kripp, how's it going, Hero Academy 2 Dev here. We noticed that your salty streams are interesting and entertaining. To fix this issue, we have decided to offer you money to play our very uninteresting and boring card game that is clearly a clone of Hearthstone. We look forward to future business with you and hope that you can sellout out a little bit more in the future. 
twitch chat
Kripp
Hearthstone
salty
Please ask your opponent to emote Kripp
twitchquotes:
Dear Kripp, whenever I watch you it is hard for me to tell if my video has frozen or not because your face never moves. Please ask your opponent to emote so I know it's live!
twitch chat
Kripp
Hearthstone
I Salute the donger lord for he is our KING!
twitch chat
imaqtpie
Meanwhile in Forsen's mouth
twitchquotes:
Meanwhile in Forsen's mouth: ~ 
ใใใ ~ ใใใใใใใใ~ ใใใใใใใ~ ใใใใ~ ใใใ~ ใใใใใใ~ ใใใใ~ ใใใใใใใ ใ~ ~ ใ ใใ~ ใใใใใใ~ ใใใใ~ ใใใ ใใใใใ~ ใใใใ~ ใใใใใใ~ ใใใใ~ ใใใใใใใใ~ ใใใใใ~ ใใใใใใ~ ใ ใใใ~
ใใใ ~ ใใใใใใใใ~ ใใใใใใใ~ ใใใใ~ ใใใ~ ใใใใใใ~ ใใใใ~ ใใใใใใใ ใ~ ~ ใ ใใ~ ใใใใใใ~ ใใใใ~ ใใใ ใใใใใ~ ใใใใ~ ใใใใใใ~ ใใใใ~ ใใใใใใใใ~ ใใใใใ~ ใใใใใใ~ ใ ใใใ~
twitch chat
Forsen