[Copypasta] Logan Paul Apology but I replace "apologize" with "cum"

I've made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement and I don't expect to be forgiven. I'm simply here to cum. So what we came across that day on the woods was obviously unplanned and the reactions you saw on tape were raw, they were unfiltered. None of us knew how to react or how to feel. I should have never posted the video. I should have put the cameras down, and stopped recording what we were going through. There's a lot of things I should have done differently, but I didn't, and for that from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. I want to cum to the internet, I want to cum to anyone who's seen the video, I want to cum to anyone who has been affected or touched by mental illness, or depression, or suicide. But, most importantly, I want to cum to the victim and his family. For, my fans, who are defending my actions, please don't, they do not deserve to be defended. The goal of my content is always to entertain, to push the boundaries, to be all inclusive and in the world I live in I share almost everything I do. The intent is never to be heartless, cruel, or malicious. Like I said, I made a huge mistake, I don't expect to be forgiven, I'm just here to cum. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm disappointed in myself, and I promise to be better. I will be better, thank you.
May 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Infinite poop

twitchquotes: Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.
twitch chat
June 2019

Classic

cyrSwag

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿ ⢿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣾⣻⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠖⠻⠟⠛⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠆⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣤⡶⠦⣤⣄⠠⣤⣨⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠁⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⣶⡄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣯⣀⣀⣀⣴⣵⣎⣻⣿⣿⣟⠁⠄⡐⠲⠄⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡁⣟⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡆⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡻⣷⡆⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣽⣿⣶⣆⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠅⢸⣿⡏⠿⣿⣿⢫⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠐⠛⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⡁⠬⢶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠷⠈⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⢀⡀⠈⠿⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠻⠟⠒⠛⠛⠿⠿⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣻⣿⣽⠏⠄⠈⣿⣥⡀⠄⠄⠈⠉⠘⠃⠄⠄⠄⠁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣶⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀ ⠉⣈⡀⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⣿⣾⣷⣦⣀⣀⢀⢀⣀⡀⢀⣿⣿⡿⢿⣁⠄⠄⣠⣠⣿⣯ ⡈⣛⣛⣄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣡⡾⠛⢁⣴⣿⣿⣦⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿
December 2020
cyr

Kripp suffers from Casualitis

twitchquotes: Romanian doctor say in thick accent, "He suffer from Casualitis, too many salts in blood." OJ is injected into the Kripp, but he continues to mumble "Really bro," and "Wow," numerous times. A priest enters and rips a bag of pepperonis over the Kripp. Papparin say "Drink with me friends," and offer cappucino to all.
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp

MaSsan is an anagram for Assman

twitchquotes: ༼ ◔ ͜ʖ ◔ ༽ MaSsan is an anagram for Assman ༼ ◔ ͜ʖ ◔ ༽ ༼ ◔ ͜ʖ ◔ ༽ MaSsan is an anagram for Assman ༼ ◔ ͜ʖ ◔ ༽
twitch chat
October 2015
MaSsanSC

I apologize, as my English is rather substandard

twitchquotes: I apologize, as my English is rather substandard At what whereabouts were you when the popular browser video game Club Penguin shut down? I was in mine place of residence, when my communications device informed me that someone wanted to contact me. "Club Penguin, the popular browser MMO has shut down." "I disagree"
twitch chat
January 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing