[Copypasta] I love ketchup so much

I enjoy ketchup more than the average person. Made with tomatoes and vinegar, this ubiquitous red sauce is my condiment of choice for a wide variety of dining situations. Sweet and tangy, it's perfect for eating with french fries and burgers, of course, but you might not realize how good it is incorporated into other dishes. Its unique sweet and savory nature makes it a bit of a dynamo that way. No wonder this addictive table staple of households and restaurants is so beloved.
April 2022
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

What did you just say about my positions

twitchquotes: What the fuck did you just fucking say about my positions, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Wharton Business School, and I've been involved in numerous insider trades on Alibaba, and I have over 30,000% returns. I am trained in trading on margarine and I'm the top trader in the Bridgewater Associates. You are nothing to me but just another pump before I dump. I will wipe your gains the fuck out with swiftness the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my network of brokers across the USA and your brokerage account is being traced right now so you better prepare for red dildos, faggot. The dildos that wipe out the pathetic little thing you call tendies. You're fucking broke, kid. I can manipulate any stock, anytime, and I can bankrupt you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my market manipulation. Not only am I extensively trained in pumping and dumping, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the SEC and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable portfolio off the face of robinhood, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit red dildos all over you and you will drown in them. You're fucking broke, kiddo.
twitch chat
September 2020

There is a bunch of Twitch overlords

twitchquotes: There is a bunch of Twitch overlords who grow batches of streamers from genetically modified eggs. When these eggs hatch and grow, they are given their first computer and start streaming a Dora the Explorer game. As they grow up, the most popular streamers advance and are given more complex games to stream, from CoD to Hearthstone. Each streamer lives in a small cubicle, and there are hundreds upon hundreds of cubicles on the grounds of the Twitch Headquarters. deIlluminati
twitch chat
March 2016
Kripp

FeelsAmazingMan

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⣩⣭⣥⣭⣭⡛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣫⣶⣿⣿⠋⠁⠀⠙⣿⣎⢿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣋⣭⣭⣭⣭⣔⠻⣿⣿⣿⢸⡴⠆⢀⡾⠟⠁⠀⢰⣶⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡟⣵⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠛⢿⣿⣎⠛⠿⠓⠒⠈⠁⠀⠀⢀⣴⡿⣣⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⠀⠈⣿⣿⡇⠒⠒⠒⠂⢀⣠⣴⠟⣩⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡏⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣔⠒⢋⣴⠿⠋⠀⠀⣀⣤⣶⠿⠋⢵⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡟⠁⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⠀⠀⣠⣴⡿⠟⣋⣤⣦⡙⢌⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠀⠙⠒⠒⠒⠂⠀⢀⣠⡶⠿⢛⣩⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠳⣌⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠃⢀⣰⠂⢀⣤⣶⠾⢛⣡⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡙⢦⡙⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⡏⠀⠟⠃⠀⣿⡉⢥⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⡙⢎⢻⣿⣿ ⡇⠀⠀⠰⡄⠈⠻⣦⡙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠈⢿⣿ ⣇⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⡀⠈⠻⣦⡙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣛⡛⠳⠈⡌⢿ ⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⡀⠈⠛⢷⣤⡁⠤⣤⣍⡛⠿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣾⣿⣿⣷⠄⣿⢸ ⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠓⠀⠀⠙⠻⣷⣶⣬⣍⣒⡂⠈⠍⢐⣛⣩⣥⣴⠾⢋⣼ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠻⠿⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿
September 2020

Pepe

Trolling My Office With Among Us (Part 5, Finale 2)

That's right. I am the IMPOSTER. I just killed my boss. I now had to convince everyone that I wasn't the imposter. "Chad is the imposter!" I randomly yelled out. Another coworker said "Well, I did see him running towards the stairs/elevator. "Wait, think about this!" Chad stated. "How do you know I'm the murderer? It could be him!" "Hmm.." My coworker, John, said. "Why do you think it's him, Darrius?" "Well," I started, "The same reason as you. I saw him running towards the elevator when the killing happened. "Wait, wait, wait!" Angelica proclaimed. "How do we know it happened on the top floor?" Another coworker, Adam, pointed out the window towards the paramedics wrapping up my boss' mangled corpse in a body bag." Oh!" Angelica said." That's a bit sussy," I said. "I think it must have been Angelica, she's pretending she doesn't know anything?" "Hmm, you might be right." My coworker Dave spoke up. "But I think that it might be you, Darrius." "Wait woah woah, why is it me?" I defended myself. He said "I saw you enter the elevator right before the murderer hit!" He said. Shit. he's onto me." Woah, you could be lying! I was in my cubicle doing my office work!" I yelled back." Oh really, what were you doing?" Dave said." I was uh.. scanning for viruses on my computer!" "Hmm.. okay." "I think that we should get rid of Liam." Angelica proclaimed. "Woah woah woah, pretty lady! Why do you think that?" He quickly hopped to his defense. "I haven't been a part of this discussion at all!" "Well, you're pale, and you work on the closest floor to the boss." Angelica replies. "Yeah, that's sus, Liam." I said. "We should get rid of him." "I agree." Chad said." Me too!" Adam said." Me three!" John said. And so we decided to throw him out the window.
March 2021

John "D" Dos, inventor of the DDOS

twitchquotes: Greetings Kripp, it is I, John "D" Dos, inventor of the DDOS. It has come to my attention that children are using my invention for malicious reasons. Please send me your address, phone number, credit card and social security numbers so I can help you fix this problem.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing