You are gay because you like men
I’m gay because I hate women
We are not the same
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911
Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Here's why:
Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead.
Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it.
Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.
And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.
Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?
Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.
Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.
I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:
"Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1."
And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Here in my garage with my pasta linguini
twitchquotes:
Here in my garage with my pasta linguini, but you know what I like more than pasta linguini? Macaroni. That's why I bought 7 new cupboards and filled them with over 2,000 new Kraft macaroni and cheese boxes. It's like the master chef Betty Crocker said, "the more you eat, the more you pasta."
twitch chat
strifecro
Poggersception
⠄⠰⠛⠋⢉⣡⣤⣄⡉⠓⢦⣀⠙⠉⠡⠔⠒⠛⠛⠛⠶⢶⣄⠘⢿⣷⣤⡈⠻⣧
⢀⡔⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⠉⠁⡀⠐⠒⢿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⡈⠳⢄⣹⣿⣿⣾⣿
⣼⠁⢠⡄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⡐⠁⡀⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⡈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿
⢻⡀⠈⠄⠄⣀⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄⡇⠈⠛⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿
⠄⢉⡓⠚⠛⠛⠋⣉⣩⣤⣤⣀⠑⠤⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⢁⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠈⠙⠛⠋⣭⣭⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⢠⡍⠉⠉⢠⣤⣴⠚⢩⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⢴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣭⣭⣭⣥⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⣴⣶⡶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⣮⣭⣝⣛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠙⣿⡄⠄⠄⢀⡤⠬⢭⣝⣒⢂⠭⣉⠻⠿⣷⣶⣦⣭⡛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⠸⣿⡇⠄⠸⣎⣁⣾⠿⠉⢀⠇⣸⣿⣿⢆⡉⠹⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⠄⣿⡇⠄⢀⡶⠶⠶⠾⠿⠮⠭⠭⢭⣥⣿⣿⣷⢸⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⠄⣿⡇⠄⠈⣷⠄⠄⠄⣭⣙⣹⢙⣰⡎⣿⢏⣡⣾⢏⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⢰⣿⡇⠄⠄⢿⠄⠄⠈⣿⠉⠉⣻⣿⡷⣰⣿⡿⣡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⢸⣿⡇⠄⠄⠘⠿⠤⠤⠿⠿⠿⢤⣤⣤⡿⣃⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⠘⢿⣷⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣴⣾⡿⢋⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋
Pepe
Kripp paints and is one off lethal
twitchquotes:
Discovering his inner-passion for painting, Kripp leaves Twitch for good and takes Rania and Dex on the road with him to pursue his dream. After six months Kripp realizes being an artist is a lot harder than playing video games. But it’s too late. Homeless and starving, Rania hates Kripp, Dex hates Kripp, and, worst of all, Kripp hates Kripp. Buying a gun one rainy day, he puts it in his mouth and pulls the trigger. click He forgot to buy bullets. “One off lethal,” Rania sobs.
twitch chat
Kripp
Hearthstone
Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on
twitchquotes:
I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat