[Copypasta] So me and my bros wanted to once and for all test the hypothesis that we are all living in a matrix.

So me and my bros wanted to once and for all test the hypothesis that we are all living in a matrix. We came to the conclusion that a matrix could only run so smoothly because of our predictable behaviour. For example, if you eat it is likely that you swallow your food. Therefore, the matrix would be ready to initiate a digestion program. But if a group of people did something unpredictable, the matrix would shut down. So what we did is we randomly started gang banging each other. The matrix could have never predicted that because that is like super gay. But nothing happened (matrix-wise). But this is not point why am I writing about this. My friends now want to do the gang-banging shit again and I am not sure how to respond to that.
December 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Response to "go fuck yourself"

What if I'm already fucking myself? Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go fuck myself". I may be fucking myself already. I may as well not be fucking myself already. Until my dick and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. You may have already guessed what the problem here is. As soon as a single photon reflected by my dick enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. Since you have already made the insult, you are now, too, in superposition - you're either wrong, or gay. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.
April 2020

Classic

It was a real life gamer girl

So the other day, I was playing rainbow six siege, and I heard one of my teammates make a callout in the voice chat. It was a real life gamer girl. God, I kid you not, I just stopped playing and pulled my dick out. โ€œfuck, Fuck!โ€ I was yelling in voice chat. I just wanted to hear her voice again. โ€œPlease,โ€ I moaned. But she left the lobby. I was crying and covered in my own cum, but I remembered that I could find recent teammates in the ubiplay friends tab. I frantically closed down siege and opened the tab, to find out she had TTV IN HER NAME!!! She was streaming, and only had 100 viewers!!! The competition was low, so I made the first move and donated my months rent to her. I was already about to pre. She read my donation in the chat. God this is the happiest Iโ€™ve been in a long time. I did a little research, and found out where she goes to school, but I am a little nervous to talk to her in person, and need support. Any advice before my Uber gets to her middle school?
August 2021

Simps

Classic

Red sus but with emojis (Among Us)

twitchquotes: Red ๐Ÿ”ด ๐Ÿ“› sus ๐Ÿ’ฆ ๐Ÿ’ฆ. Red ๐Ÿ”ด ๐Ÿ”ด suuuus. I ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘„ ๐Ÿ‘ said ๐Ÿค ๐Ÿ—ฃ ๐Ÿ’ฌ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ’ฆ red ๐Ÿ‘น ๐Ÿ”ด, sus ๐Ÿ’ฆ ๐Ÿ’ฆ, hahahahaha ๐Ÿคฃ ๐Ÿคฃ. Why ๐Ÿค” ๐Ÿค” arent you ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ‘ˆ laughing ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚? I ๐Ÿ‘๐ŸŠ ๐Ÿ‘ฅ just made ๐Ÿ‘‘ ๐Ÿ‘‘ a reference ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ™€ ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ™€ to the popular ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚ video ๐Ÿ“น ๐Ÿ“น game ๐ŸŽฎ ๐ŸŽฎ "Among ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ด๐ŸŽ› ๐Ÿ’ฐ Us ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘จ"! How can you ๐Ÿ‘ˆ ๐Ÿ‘ˆ not laugh ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚ at it? Emergeny meeting ๐Ÿ’ฏ ๐Ÿค! Guys ๐Ÿ‘ฆ ๐Ÿ‘จ, this here guy ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป doesnt laugh ๐Ÿคฃ โ˜‘๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜… at my funny ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜ƒ Among ๐Ÿ’ฐ ๐Ÿ’ฐ Us ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘จ memes ๐Ÿธ ๐Ÿ˜‚! Lets ๐Ÿ™† ๐Ÿ™† beat โœŠ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿป ๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ‘Š him ๐Ÿ‘ด ๐Ÿ‘จ to death ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’ฅโ“ ๐Ÿ’€! Dead ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ˜‚ โ˜  body ๐Ÿ’ƒ ๐Ÿ’ƒ reported โ˜Ž ๐Ÿง! Skip ๐Ÿง ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿผ! Skip ๐Ÿง ๐Ÿง! Vote ๐Ÿ” ๐Ÿ” blue ๐Ÿ’™ ๐Ÿ’™! Blue ๐Ÿ’™ ๐Ÿ’™ was not an impostor ๐Ÿ˜Ž ๐Ÿ˜ . Among ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ…ฐ us ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘จ in a nutshell ๐Ÿ˜  ๐Ÿ˜  hahahaha ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘‹ ๐Ÿ˜‚. What?! Youre still ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿ™Œ ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿ™Œ not laughing ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚ your ๐Ÿ‘‰ ๐Ÿ‘‰ ass ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ…ฐ off ๐Ÿ“ด ๐Ÿ“ดโ˜ ? I ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ‘ made ๐Ÿ‘‘ ๐Ÿ‘‘ SEVERAL ๐Ÿ’ฏ ๐Ÿ’ฏ funny ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜ƒโ“ references ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ™€ ๐Ÿ“– to Among ๐Ÿ’ฐ ๐Ÿ’‘๐Ÿ‘จโ€โค๏ธโ€๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€โค๏ธโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉ Us ๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ and YOU ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿผ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ”ฅ STILL ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿ™Œ ๐Ÿ™„ ARENT LAUGHING ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ’ฆ??!!! Bruh โš  ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚. Ya ๐Ÿ™๐ŸŽผ ๐Ÿ™€ hear ๐Ÿ‘‚ ๐Ÿ‘‚ that? Wooooooosh ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ‘ฝ๐Ÿ‘พ ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ‘ฝ๐Ÿ‘พ. Whats ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ๐Ÿ˜ฆ woooosh ๐Ÿš ๐Ÿš? Oh ๐Ÿ™€ ๐Ÿ™€, nothing โŒ ๐Ÿšซ. Just the sound ๐Ÿ‘‚ ๐Ÿ”Š of a joke ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚ flying โœˆ โœˆ over ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ™Š๐Ÿ’ฆ ๐Ÿ” your ๐Ÿ‘‰ ๐Ÿ‘‰ head ๐Ÿ’† ๐Ÿ’†. Whats ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ๐Ÿค” that? You ๐Ÿ‘ˆ ๐Ÿ‘‰ think ๐Ÿ’ญ ๐Ÿ’ญ im ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ’˜ annoying ๐Ÿ˜  ๐Ÿ˜ ? Kinda ๐Ÿ™… ๐Ÿ™… sus ๐Ÿ’ฆ ๐Ÿ’ฆ, bro ๐Ÿ‘† ๐ŸŒˆโ˜บ๐Ÿ‘ฌ. Hahahaha ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚! Anyway ๐Ÿ”› ๐Ÿ”›, yea ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ’ฏ, gotta ๐Ÿ‘‰ ๐Ÿ‘‰ go ๐Ÿƒ ๐Ÿƒ do tasks โœ” ๐Ÿ“‹. Hahahaha ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚!
twitch chat
December 2020

Among Us / Amogus

Muscular lenny

December 2020

NSFW

FitnessGram Pacer Test

The FitnessGramโ„ข Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
September 2016

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing