[Copypasta] Umbreon is better than Vaporeon for humans

Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female pokemon breeding, vaporeon is not the most compatible pokemon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however vaporeon has its human on pokemon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, umbreon. Umbreon boasts an extremely impressive defense stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, defense and special defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, inner focus allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability synchronise, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels combined with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect, breedable pokemon. A great fun fact, umbreon can excrete toxins in it's sweat, which would in turn soak your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your umbreon as well (which with synchronise, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). It can learn payback, which doubles in power after the pokemon is hit, meaning umbreon will throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn guard swap, it could give you it's insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, umbreon also has access to endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use taunt, in turn making you only able to do attacking moves such as slam, pound, etc; It's access to the abilities inner focus and synchronise allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of it's pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other pokemon, or even four times, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with it's extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes umbreon the most qualified to breed with humans; able to take d**k of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
October 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

LCS PODCAST STARTS NOW ResidentSleeper

twitchquotes: LCS PODCAST STARTS NOW ResidentSleeper 40 MINS BETWEEN GAMES ResidentSleeper SUCH A SHAME WHEN GAMES INTERRUPT TALKING ResidentSleeper FAKE NARRATIVES ResidentSleeper FORCED HYPE ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
September 2020
LCS

League of Legends

Cattarrian is Rania's last Boyfriend

twitchquotes: Hᴇʏ Kʀɪᴘᴘ, Cᴀᴛᴛᴀʀʀɪᴀɴ ʜᴇʀᴇ. I ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴍʏ ᴄᴏɴsᴛᴀɴᴛ Mᴇᴏᴡᴇʀɪɴᴏ ɪs ᴀɴɴᴏʏɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴜᴛ I ᴀᴍ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴀʀɴ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Sᴜᴄᴄᴜʙᴜs. Yᴏᴜ sᴇᴇ, I ᴀᴍ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ʜᴇʀ ʟᴀsᴛ BF ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴀ Cᴀᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ ᴜsɪɴɢ Bʟᴀᴄᴋ Mᴀɢɪᴄ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏɴᴜᴛs. Iᴛ's ᴛᴏᴏ ʟᴀᴛᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ, ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ sᴛɪʟʟ sᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ. Rᴜɴ Kʀɪᴘᴘ ʀᴜɴ!!!
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

Let's say, hypothetically, that you are submissive and breedable

Let's say, hypothetically, that you are on your bed, and let's suppose that you are also submissive and breedable. Now, let's say you are a male. Statistically speaking, humans, that are submissive and breedable tend to be femboys, that's a fact (which doesn't about your feelings). Hypothetically under these circumstances, it would be statistically speaking uncontroversial to assume you would be wearing thigh highs (which would boost your breedability factor by about 20%). Now let's assume you are an SJW SOCIALIST LIBTARD, and let's say I was you, would it not be under these circumstances, the only correct course of action for you to take to ABSOLUTELY WRECK AND DESTROY me (in a debate) in bed?
April 2022

Ben Shapiro

Infinite Cum

Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.
June 2021

Infinite Cum

Kirby with gun

─────────────────▄▄█▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▄▄─ ───────────────▄█▀░░░░░░░░░░▀▀ ─────────────▄█▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ────────────▄▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ──────────▄█░░░░░░▄░░░░░░░░▄░░ ──────────█░░░░░░█▀█░░░░░░█▀█░ ─────▄───█░░░░░░░█─█░░░░░░█─█░ ─▄█▀██▀▄▄▀░░░░░░░█─█░░░░░░█─█░ ▀▒▒▒▒▒▀█▀▄▄░░░░░░███░░░░░░███░ ▒▒▄▄▄▒▒█▓▓▀▀█▄░░░███░░░░░░███░ ▒▄███▄▒█▓▓▓▓▓▀█▄░█▓█░░░░░░█▓█░ ▒█████▒█▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▀██▓█░░░░░░█▓█░ ▒▀███▀▒█▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█▀█▀░░░░░░▀█▀░ ▄▒▀▀▀▒█▄▄▄▄▓▓▓▓▓█░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ▀▄▒▒▒▒▄▀▀████▄▄▄█░░░░░░░░░░░░░ █▒▒▒▒▒█▓▓▓▓▓▓▀▀▀█░░░░░░░░░░░░░ █▒▒▒▒█▀▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█░█░░░░░░░░█░░ █▒▀▀▒█▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▄▀░██▄▄░░▄▄██░░ █▒▒▒▒█▓▓▓█▓▓▓▓▓█▄░░▀▀████▀▀░░░ ─█▄▄██▄▄▄▀▓▓▓▓▓█▀▄░░░░░░░░░░░░ ───█▀▄▓▓▄▄▓▓▓▓▓█░░█░░░░░░░░░░░ ───█░█▓█░░█▄▓▓█░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░ ───█░█▓█░░░█▓▓█░░▄▀░░░░░░░░░░░ ───▀▄█▓█▄▀▀█▓▓█░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ───▄▄█▓▓▀▀▀▄▄▀█▄▀▄░░░░░░░░░░░░ ─▄▀▒▒▒█▀▀▀▀░▄▀██░█░░░░░░░░░░░░ ▄▀▒▒▒▒█░░░░░█▄▀▀█▀░░░░░░░░░░░░
October 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing