[Copypasta] KFC rejection letter

Hi Sophie, Thank you for your application to Team KFC. We're cluckin' delighted you're keen to join our flock, however at this moment in time your skills aren't the secret recipe the Colonel is looking for. But we'd love to hear from you again when you have some more experience under your wing, so please give us a cluck if you would like to apply in the future. Best Wishes, Team KFC
October 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Annoyed Anime Girl

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⢀⡀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣎⣀⣀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡿⠏⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⠀⡈⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⢸⠀⠈⢳⣶⣤⣄⠀⠈⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠹⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠈⣼⡇⠀⠘⠻⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢤⣀⡀⠌⠀⠀⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⡏⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⡿⠋⢰⢠⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⢷⡃⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣯⣾⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⣼⣿⡄⠀⠈⠀⢑⠶⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣴⠟⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠙⢿⠃⠀⠀⢸⣿⣟⠀⠀⢀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠠⠴⠀⠀⠀⠿⠿⠿⠧⠾⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠃⠀⠀⠾⠿⠿⠟⠁⠀
April 2020

You will never be an anime girl

You will never be an anime girl. You have no ancestry, you have no weebship, you have no skills that would make neon Tokyo ever want you. You are a shut-in self-hating nerdy man twisted by delusions of mythical Katana superiority and exposure to media folded over 3000 times into a disgusting mockery of metalworkings perfection. All 'validation' you get from other people in this position couldn't be worse in making you believe that spending years of your life learning a the globally useless talents of Uwudo and Iya-giri to a 中二 level was a worthwhile 使い方 of お前's time, but one can't expect that an individual as 羞耻 as テメ will ever know the value of the 仲間 you threw away in doing that. Actual Sasukes are すごい キモい by you. Thousands of years of 自然進化 have allowed 侍 to identify 偽物語 from mannerisms and 言語力 alone. Even if your written text of self-hatred and attention begging akin to a 野良犬 somehow passes as normal (しないよ、ど阿呆), any Soul Eater person will immediately 両断 all 迷い when they 聞く the 声 and 広島-ben of someone who is not only a basic 下忍 at best, but worth no more than ゴミカス in skills, accomplishments, and no ワイフ yes フレンド. You will never be 幸せおちゃめ機能。 You wrench out a 偽笑い and www草 to yourself believing that watching a content creator that you understand 20% of at best is somehow superior than watching your own 船長, as you project your disgusting traits onto your 委員長. However, deep inside you feel the 不安 creeping up like a 桜, ready to crush you under the バスト2三一 Zz ガンダム, and you know that. You know that all you do now is have an entirely new リスナー in which to be 無視, and not even the exotic trait of being 海外ニッキ makes up for just how uninteresting of a 無言赤スパ you are. Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold はあちゃま. Your ママ will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable 恥ざらし and ゴミカス死ね. They’ll bury you with a 妖怪 marked with your 領域展開, and every 上弦の鬼 for the rest of eternity will know a 黒船 is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a ギルザレン that is 語り部幽霊. This is your 運命. This is what you chose. There is no turning back. 憎い yourself and 謝れ for being リア充 to some Virtual entity that exists only in your mind while actual people put in effort to learn English for the valid reason of it being the global language.
April 2021

Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass

I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass. I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me. The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
July 2022

Confessions

Twitch removes PogChamp

We've made the decision to remove the PogChamp emote following statements from the face of the emote encouraging further violence after what took place in the Capitol today. We want the sentiment and use of Pog to live on - its meaning is much bigger than the person depicted or image itself- and it has a big place in Twitch culture. However, we can't in good conscience continue to enable use of the image. We will work with the community to design a new emote for the most hype moments on Twitch.
January 2021

what is the point of spamming in chat?

twitchquotes: what is the point of spamming in chat?? all you do is send some pixels to some other guy in his 30's who is pretending to be an idiot... wow what an accomplishment 󠀀
twitch chat
January 2022

I hate Twitch Chat

Text-to-Speech Playing