[Copypasta] I hate, hate, hate coffee culture

I hate, hate, hate coffee culture. I can't stand people saying, "Oh, I can't do anything until I get a warm cup of coffee in me." Shut up. Being a former smoker, I recognize the addiction and subsequent irritability of coffee drinkers and it bugs me to no end that caffeine gets glossed over as an addictive substance, or even fucking celebrated to some extent. Those people who brag about needing 5 expresso shots (sorry, esssspresso) a day need an intervention, not a nod of approval. Seriously, all you coffee drinkers are the biggest group of fucking enablers I've ever seen. When doing group activities, like camping, I loathe waiting for others to start their day after a morning ritual that hogs counter space, or propane, or dirties good clean water. I hate the sleepy look in peoples' eyes as they grasp their cup of stimulant that they wouldn't need had they never started drinking it in the first place. There's an entire fucking cupboard in my kitchen dedicated to stupid coffee mugs and their dumb sayings staring back at me despite living in a household where only one person drinks coffee. Why? And the dishes. Since nearly every person drinks coffee, inevitably us non-coffee drinkers are going to have to clean up after your morning fix. Seriously, I've done so many goddamned cleanings of coffee mugs if I had a dime for every one, I'd probably have enough for a Starbucks franchise. And don't even get me started on Starbucks. Godamned devil business slanging legal crack for decades, hogging good real estate so addicts have a place to slurp up and get their morning shit in before work. Lastly, I despise the amalgam of ways people cook up their black powder and then talk up the flavor as though it tastes like something other than a dirty sock. That's your addiction speaking. You want to know why you need to dump half an udder of cream in your cup? It's because cream is fucking delicious and when combined with your filthy water, makes it somewhat bearable. And your stupid machines that creak and groan through the quietude of my morning can go fuck themselves. Talk about a waste of counter-space. And the spent black stimulant granules that spill over onto the counter, staining the grout drives me nuts. And lastly, the goddamned keurig cups or whatever they're called are one of humanity's worst inventions, sandwiched between Glyphosate and Joe Rogan. At least the meth addicts don't deposit a plastic remnant that will persist in landfills for hundreds of years spreading micro-plastics into our environment every time they need to get high.
September 2021
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This is agent Kappachino from the Kappa agency

twitchquotes: Hi this is agent Kappachino from the Kappa agency. I would like to inform you that we have detected the KPM (Kappa Per Minute) to be far below the minimum level of 100 KPM. Please fix this by typing Kappa or Kappa agents will be dispatched to donger this stream
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November 2014
imaqtpie

This guy's appendicitis is CRAZY!

twitchquotes: β˜‘ β€œThis guy's appendicitis is CRAZY!” β˜‘ β€œMy appendix can't win against an appendicitis like that” β˜‘ "He NEEDED precisely that appendicitis to win" β˜‘ β€œHe topdecked the only appendicitis that could beat me” β˜‘ "He had the perfect infection" β˜‘ β€œThere was nothing I could do” β˜‘ β€œI played that perfectly"
twitch chat
October 2017
Kripp

This Copypasta Is CRAZY!

Honestly, that's what Icall a cool story bro

twitchquotes: Honestly, that's what Icall a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy andpasted itto word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like...not like the stories your generation tells
twitch chat
January 2015
Reynad

Muffet from Undertale

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘ β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–€β–„β–€β–€β–„β–€β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–„β–€β–€β–„β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–„β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘ β–€β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–€ β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–„β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–€β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„β–‘β–€β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–€β–‘β–„β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
March 2016

What the hell are both of these teams doing?

twitchquotes: What the hell are both of these teams doing? I'm in bronze and I could compete better than all of the players in this tournament. I can't believe I'm being held back by my teammates this bad. Any orgs feel free to DM me.
twitch chat
June 2021

Valorant

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