[Copypasta] I think I'm addicted to settings

God, I fucking love the settings app. I can't stop fucking changing the text size and checking for the new system update. God, the little slider icon turns me on so much. Whenever there is a system update I cry because I can't go on settings again. My screen time shows 107 hours of settings a day, which isn't even fucking possible.
August 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

76gb homework folder

twitchquotes: WeirdEyes You really think that 76GB homework folder is fooling anybody WeirdEyes
twitch chat
September 2018

voting booth inspection is not required

twitchquotes: So I was waiting in line to vote when all of a sudden this voting "official" came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my voter registration and asked me to follow him to the back. When we went around back he said that I had to take off my pants and show my cock because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm voter identity. Because I thought he was a voting official I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show him my member. After he fondled it for a bit he said it was good and I could go back into the line. It was only after I voted I realized that he forgot to check my balls too!!! He was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the security guards about his presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe and happy voting!
twitch chat
November 2020

2020 US Election

gay brazilians

twitchquotes: Hi Bjergsen I am from Brazil and just like many brazilians, I am gay, and I would really like to have a bed time with you and listen to your cutie voice and perhaps do some coitus and engage and marry eachother. Our wedding would be in some favela of Rio de Janeiro. What do you think????????????
twitch chat
July 2014
Bjergsen

KappaPride

My 12 year old son watches Rick and Morty

twitchquotes: Today my 12 year old son and I walked into harvard to sign him up for college. The dean rudly asked what a 12 year old was doing signing up for such a prestigious institute like harvard. My son took of to reveal his Rick and Morty shirt and proclaimed "Well you see sir I watch Rick and Morty". A look of confusion came over the deans face and I have never been so proud. The dean quickly made sure to appologize to my son but it was too late, the police rushed in and dragged him out. My son passed all his classes with 4.0s and graduated top of his class in the first day of college.
twitch chat
October 2017

Rick and Morty

I fucked the impostor from the hitgame Among Us in my dreams

I fucked the impostor from the hitgame Among Us in my dreams. He was very sus. I can’t stop thinking about his big red schlong destroying my anus until it’s as red as the impostor from the hitgame Among Us. I hope I can ever meet him. I would stroke his chest, give him a big slap on his butt that was hidden behind that hot latex astronaut suit. I want him in my ass, I want him to fill my twitching butthole with everything he got. This is how my wet dreams end every single day, I can’t stop thinking about the impostor of the hitgame Among Us.
May 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Text-to-Speech Playing