[Copypasta] I think I'm addicted to settings

God, I fucking love the settings app. I can't stop fucking changing the text size and checking for the new system update. God, the little slider icon turns me on so much. Whenever there is a system update I cry because I can't go on settings again. My screen time shows 107 hours of settings a day, which isn't even fucking possible.
August 2021
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AITA for not telling my wife about all the hitchhikers I killed in the 70s?

Back when I (68M) was a young and dumb twenty-something, I spent a few carefree years in Southern California raping, torturing, and murdering hitchhikers. I don't want any judgement from SJWs about this, please, if you didn't live in Cali in the 1970s, you wouldn't understand. It was just what we did back in those days. Eventually I grew up, got married, had three beautiful kids, and was content to just get off to my trophies and polaroids, and maybe kill the occasional drifter on special occasions. The other day, my wife (37F) found the hidden panel in my basement wall where I keep all the old memories, and she went ballistic. I tried to calm her down, explained that, firstly, they were all dudes, so she shouldn't exactly be getting jealous. Second, they're all dead, so it's not like she's going to have to worry about me leaving her for any of them. Third, there were like three or four other guys doing the same thing around then, and they took the credit for most of my kills. I was very careful, covered my tracks, rarely finished inside them. I don't know why she's got her knickers in such a twist. Quite frankly, I'm feeling really hurt about the whole thing. We've been together for nearly thirty years, and she's thinking about leaving me over something like this? Maybe I should have been more honest, but I was raised to see this as men's business, not something you involve your old lady in. Am I the asshole?
August 2021

AITA

I'm a 13 year old atheist

twitchquotes: I'm a 13 year old atheist and it's funny seeing the 'minds' in twitch chat entertained by a children's videogame lmao. Whenever you idiots "Pog Champ" or "OMEGA LUL", I am studying the works of Plato, Sun Tzu, Richard and Mortimer etc. and expanding my knowledge. Guess who will have the better job in 10 years?
twitch chat
April 2018

Jhin

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⢒⣩⣥⠡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠌⣬⣍⡒⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡴⠫⣶⣿⣿⣿⣧⡑⢄⡠⢊⣼⣿⣿⣿⣦⠝⢆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⡅⣿⣦⡙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣴⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⣴⣿⢨⢣⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⣼⡇⣿⣿⣿⣦⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢋⣴⣿⣿⣿⢸⣧⢣⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⠗⠛⠻⠿⣿⣷⡘⡿⠟⠻⢿⢃⣾⣿⠿⠟⠛⠺⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠟⠀⣀⢀⣄⣀⠈⠙⡗⣰⠿⠿⣆⢺⠋⠁⣀⣤⡀⣀⠈⠻⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢦⣍⡛⠶⣤⠤⠜⣀⣤⠀⣶⣶⠀⣤⣐⠣⢤⣤⠶⢛⣩⡶⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢧⡙⢿⣷⡆⣶⣿⡿⢋⢸⣿⣿⡆⡙⢿⣿⣶⢰⣾⡿⢋⡼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢙⠦⣍⠰⣿⡟⣡⣿⢸⣿⣿⡇⣿⡌⢻⣿⠆⣩⠶⡋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⢌⢷⢈⢳⣌⠁⣤⡌⢸⣿⣿⡇⢡⣤⠈⣡⡞⡁⡾⡡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡎⣧⡹⢰⣿⣷⣈⠛⠛⣡⣾⣿⡆⢏⣼⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⣿⣇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣸⣿⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠃⣿⣿⣄⠙⢉⣩⣉⣉⣍⡉⠋⣨⣿⣿⠘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⣄⠻⣿⣿⣷⡆⢀⣀⣀⡀⢰⣾⣿⣿⠟⣠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⣌⠻⢋⡤⠉⠉⠉⠁⣤⡙⠟⣡⠞⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
July 2021

League of Legends

Nintendo Reggie

⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠸⠟⠛⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠉⠈⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⣠⠠⠄⠄⠸⣽⣿⣷⠄⠄⢀⣴⡆⠄⢀⡀⠄⢀⣤⣔⣿⣆⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣼⣧⣼⣿⣦⢶⣲⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣜⣿⣿⣟⣿⣣⣵⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠿⠛⠉⠉⠉⠋⠁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⡿⢻⣿⣿⣾⣶⣦⣤⣴⣶⣦⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⣐⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⣷⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠉⠉⠉⠑⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣰⡧⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣳⣦⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠏⠍⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣴ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿
July 2019

Hello this is Dan from the next room over

twitchquotes: Hello this is Dan from the next room over. Can you be quiet for 2 minutes it's almost 2am and I can still hear you. I have had a hard day doing REAL work for 13 hours and all I want is a bit of peace and quiet. LOL just kidding it's Tanner from highschool again, enjoy playing your kids games while I'm hanging out with Becca. We're watching re-runs of that time you lost that video game tournament. Peace out!
twitch chat
June 2019

Tanner from High School

Text-to-Speech Playing