Holy fucking shit. I want to bang Timmy Nook from Animal Crossing so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I go to Nookโs Cranny I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of him online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with Timmy Nook. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of Timmy Nookโs tight tanuki asshole. I want him to have my mutant human/tanuki babies.
Fuck, my fucking mom caught me with a raccoon I found in the trash. I'd dressed him in my dadโs Hawaiian shirt and went to fucking town. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my Nintendo Switch. I might not ever get to see Timmy Nook again.
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jeSUS
So, last Sunday my parents made me go to church ,which made me really mad because my parents don't let me play Among Us in church.
We took our seats and the priest was up front talking about "salvation" and "holiness" or whatever. Same thing as last week.
But then, he said something that really caught me off guard. He spoke of a man who goes by the name of "Jesus."
"Jesus."
"JeSUS."
No way. I could not believe what I was hearing.
Endorphins were rushing to my brain and my body began to shiver as I let out a quiet moan.
If you didn't catch on by now, the word "Jesus" has "SUS" in it, which is a reference to the popular video game "Among Us."
"WHEN THE IMPOSTER IS SUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I screamed louder than I ever have in my life. My words echoed throughout the room for five seconds before fading into complete silence.
Everyone was staring at me as I had a huge grin on my face, perfectly replicating the face from the "when the imposter is sus" meme (Google it if you don't know what it is.)
They all had this look on their faces as if I had just slaughtered 7,924 Afghanian children.
"Why do you all have that look on your faces? Did someone do a Fortnite dance?"
And there was still complete silence. I actually had to make sure I wasn't wearing my noise cancelling headphones that I always wear while playing Among Us. I could not believe that not one person in the room was dying of laughter!!
"Young man, please be quiet" said the priest.
He was literally the one who made the Among Us reference in the first place. What's his problem?
"THAT'S NOT VERY WHOLESOME!!!!!!!!!!"
This guy was definitely the imposter. There's no way he couldn't be.
I Naruto ran faster than anyone has ever Naruto ran before. Even Naruto himself would be proud of me.
As I was making my way up to the imposter, the security guard was chasing after me!
I had to think fast.
After being chased around the room for two minutes, I hastily undid my pants and peed in the security guard's eyes. As he was being blinded by my pee, he was stumbling around and bumped into the wall very hard.
A crucifix fell off the wall and impaled his stupid, ugly fat head. He fell and a pool of blood soon formed around him.
Everyone in the church was screaming and running out the door. I slammed my hand down on the crucifix, replicating the button you press in Among Us, which drove the crucifix further into his skull.
"EMERGENCY MEETING!!!!!!!!!!!"
No one laughed. They were too busy screaming to notice. Whatever.
I stripped completely naked and went up to the priest. I replicated the Big Chungus pose with 100% accuracy.
"You probably don't even use Reddit. That's not very keanu chungus wholesome 100 of you. Go subscribe to r/atheism."
The priest had a look of shock on his face when I said that. The kind of face one would make if they caught their beloved child playing Fortnite.
He held a cross in front of himself and started talking about "possession" and "demons." He obviously doesn't know how to play Among Us so naturally, I felt bad for him.
But he was still the imposter.
I grabbed him and threw him across the church, sending him crashing through the window and slammed against the street outside. A car ran over his head, causing his brain and skull fragments to splatter everywhere.
Then, I heard sirens and a helicopter flying around above the church. I went upstairs to the roof to check out what was going on.
"This is the police! Get down from the roof now or we will shoot!"
This guy is so sus, let me tell ya.
Obviously, I was not going to listen to an imposter so I was Naruto running around the roof. Bullets from the helicopter were raining down from above but none of them hit me since I was Naruto running so fast.
"Dammit, I can't hit him!"
I knew I had him beat then.
So, I pulled out my gun (I always keep a glock in my foreskin so I can pull the Among Us death animation when I lose my virginity because I know it makes girls horny.)
I shot at the helicopter and it started spinning out of control and crashed into the front of the church, causing a huge explosion.
The roof started sliding off from the building, which landed on the cop cars and killed 8 cops. This also flung me into the street and I broke my foot, which was very sus.
I limped all the way to the woods where I am now hiding and writing this. I will update as soon as I can but I need to get out of here soon because I can hear people looking for me.
Among Us / Amogus
World War 2 in emojis
๐ฉ๐ช๐จ๐ป๐ค๐จ๐ปโ๐ฆณ๐ฉ๐ช
๐ฉ๐ช๐จ๐ป๐ถโโ๏ธ๐ถโโ๏ธ๐ถโโ๏ธ๐ถโโ๏ธ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ท๐๐
๐ฉ๐ช๐จ๐ป๐ถโโ๏ธ๐ถโโ๏ธ๐ถโโ๏ธโก๏ธ๐๐๐ฆ๐น
๐ฉ๐ช๐จ๐ป๐ก๐ก๐๐๐จ๐ฟ๐จ
๐ฌ๐ง๐จ๐ปโ๐ฆณ๐๐๐ซ๐ท๐จโ๐จ๐๐
๐จ๐ฟ๐ต๐ซ๐จ๐ป๐ฉ๐ช
๐ฉ๐ช๐จ๐ป๐ค๐จ๐ป๐ท๐บ
๐ฉ๐ช๐จ๐ป๐ก๐ก๐๐๐๐ต๐ฑ
๐ต๐ฑ๐คฌ๐คฌ๐คฌ๐คฌ๐
โโ๏ธ๐
โโ๏ธ
๐ฉ๐ช๐จ๐ป๐ค๐ท๐บ๐จ๐ป๐ถโโ๏ธ๐ถโโ๏ธ๐ถโโ๏ธ๐ถโโ๏ธโโก๏ธโ๐ต๐ฑ๐ฏ
๐ซ๐ท๐จโ๐จ๐ฏ๐ฌ๐ง๐จ๐ปโ๐ฆณ๐ฏ
๐ซ๐ท๐จโ๐จ๐ก๐ฌ๐ง๐จ๐ปโ๐ฆณโโ๐๏ธโ๐จ๐ป๐ฉ๐ช
๐ต๐ฑ๐ต๐ซ๐จ๐ป๐ฉ๐ช๐ค๐จ๐ป๐ท๐บ
๐ซ๐ท๐ต๐ซ๐จ๐ป๐ฉ๐ช
๐ฌ๐ง๐จ๐ปโ๐ฆณโ๐ข
๐ฌ๐ง๐จ๐ปโ๐ฆณ๐๐โก๏ธ๐ณ๐ณโฟ๐บ๐ธ
๐ฏ๐ต๐๐ซ๐ซ๐ฃ๐ฃโก๏ธ๐บ๐ธโฟ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ญ๐ญ
๐บ๐ธโฟ๐ก๐ก๐ฌ๐ง๐จ๐ปโ๐ฆณโโ๐๏ธโ๐ฉ๐ช๐จ๐ป๐ฏ๐ต๐๐ฎ๐น๐จโ๐ฆฒ
๐ฉ๐ช๐จ๐ปโ๐๏ธโ๐ท๐บ๐จ๐ป๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ก๐ก๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฅ
๐ท๐บ๐จ๐ป๐๐๐โก๏ธ๐บ๐ธ๐ณ๐ฌ๐ง๐ณ
๐ฉ๐ช๐จ๐ป๐ต๐ซ๐บ๐ธ๐๐ท๐บ๐๐จ๐ฆ๐๐ซ๐ท๐
๐ฏ๐ต๐ต๐ซ๐บ๐ธ๐โข๐ฃ
๐บ๐ณ
Emoji Pasta
lethal
twitchquotes:
Amaz moans hard as Kripp gropes his smallish package. โPepperoniโ Kripp whispered into Amazโs elvish ear, as they started making out. โDoโฆdo I win?โ Amaz says tentatively, as Kripp slowly tugs away his pants. โYour deck is crazyโ Kripp says, as he flips Amaz on his back. โItโs lethal guysโ Amaz says playfully, as he presents his Twisting Nether.
twitch chat
Kripp
Hearthstone
KappaPride
We recommend that you use the "suggested card" feature
twitchquotes:
Greetings, Kripparrian. This is an automated message from Blizzardโข Entertianment. You are receiving this message because our Hearthstone AI has flagged your account due to an unusal number of arena losses. We recommend that you use the "suggested card" feature before progressing any further. Thanks - The Blizzardโข Team.
twitch chat
Kripp
Young Sheldon is better than Rick and Morty
"Rick and Morty"? Only a plebeian worm such as yourself would engage in viewing broadcasts of such a sad and idiotic show. Unlike you low IQ apes, I please my optical sensors with only the finest of entertainment. I'll bet that you're inquiring as to what source of entertainment I am referring to. Although I don't expect you to comprehend it, the television show in question is "Young Sheldon". You see, the humor is vastly superior to that of "Rick and Morty". First of all "Rick and Morty" relies heavily on improvisional comedy, while the intellectual humor of "Young Sheldon" is scripted and well thought out before being presented to an audience. Second of all "Rick and Morty" is extremely unfaithful to its source material (Back to the Future, for you simpletons) while "Young Sheldon" is just as good if not better than watching "The Big Bang Theory". I could go on and on about how "Rick and Morty" is vastly inferior to "Young Sheldon" but I highly doubt that you have the mental capability to process such logic. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pour a glass of brandy whilst I redigest the latest episode of "Young Sheldon" so I can make an entry about it to the "Young Sheldon" wikia. Hopefully, I can forget about ever having the displeasure of interacting with you.*Sighs... How tedious.