I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today, I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending, earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen EVERYONE in the immediate vicinity.
What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever had, or ever will produce shot out SO HARD that my dick was ripped apart by my Übernut, accelerating to 5% of the speed of light by the time it left my urethra.
It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, it barely slowed before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear powered angle grinder. the sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of illinois became pregnant with my children.
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Classic Copypastas
Avoid embarrasing incidents
twitchquotes:
Hey chat, take it easy please. Sometimes I see the same message posted twice. Take your time to actually read chat to avoid embarrassing incidents like this. Thank you. 
twitch chat
Classic
In Korea, heart surgeon
Number one. Steady hand. One day, Kim Jong Un need new heart. I do operation. But mistake! Kim Jong Un die! SSD very mad! I hide fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car and new woman. Darryl save life.
My big secret. I kill Kim Jong Un on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
Classic
REKT Not REKT
☐ Not REKT ☑ REKT ☑ REKTangle ☑ SHREKT ☑ REKT-it Ralph ☑ Total REKTall ☑ The Lord of the REKT ☑ The Usual SusREKTs ☑ North by NorthREKT ☑ REKT to the Future ☑ Once Upon a Time in the REKT ☑ The Good, the Bad, and the REKT ☑ LawREKT of Arabia ☑ Tyrannosaurus REKT ☑ eREKTile dysfunction
Classic
Shrek
Comedy God has entered the building: Attack Helicopter
I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter
WEE WOO WEE WOO
ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER!
steps on stage
Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!"
Comedy God: "Heh..."
adjusts fedora
the building is filled with fear and anticipation
God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense
comedy god clears throat
everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard
world leaders look and wait with dread
everything in the world stops
nothing is happening
comedy god smirks
no one is prepared for what is going to happen
comedy god musters all of this power
he bellows out to the world
"ATTACK"
absolute suspense
everyone is filled with overwhelming dread
"HELICOPTER"
all at once, absolute pandemonium commences
all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once
giant brawls start
43 wars are declared simultaneously
a shockwave travels around the earth
earth is driven into chaos
humanity is regressed back to the stone age
the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself
all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did
people who aren't killed die from laughter
literally the funniest joke in the world
then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
Classic
Moon emoji blob
🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕
🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕🎩🌕🌕🌕
🌕🌕🌕🌕🌘🌑🌒🌕🌕
🌕🌕🌕🌘🌑🌑🌑🌓🌕
🌕🌕🌖🌑👁🌑👁🌓🌕
🌕🌕🌗🌑🌑👄🌑🌔🌕
🌕🌕🌘🌑🌑🌑🌒🌕🌕
🌕🌕🌘🌑🌑🎀🌓🌕🌕
🌕🌕🌘🌑🌑🌑🌔🌕🌕
🌕🌕🌘🌔🍆🌑🌕🌕🌕
🌕🌖🌒🌕🌗🌒🌕🌕🌕
🌕🌗🌓🌕🌗🌓🌕🌕🌕
🌕🌘🌔🌕🌗🌓🌕🌕🌕
🌕👠🌕🌕🌕👠🌕🌕🌕