I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today, I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending, earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen EVERYONE in the immediate vicinity.
What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever had, or ever will produce shot out SO HARD that my dick was ripped apart by my Γbernut, accelerating to 5% of the speed of light by the time it left my urethra.
It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, it barely slowed before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear powered angle grinder. the sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of illinois became pregnant with my children.
I used to be a real ad
More Classic Copypastas
Le Boobhead has arrived
βββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββ
βββββ(β)βββββββ(β)βββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
βββleββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββboobheadβββββββββββββββββββββββββ
ββββhasβββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
βββarrivedβββββββββββββββββββ
Classic
I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin
I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin
I donβt know why but I just enjoy doing this. Maybe itβs my way of dealing with stress or something but I just do it about once every week. Generally Iβll carry around a sack and creep around in a sort of crouch-walking position making goblin noises, then Iβll walk around my house and pick up various different βtrinketsβ and put them in my bag while saying stuff like βIβll be having thatβ and laughing maniacally in my goblin voice (βtrinketsβ can include anything from shit I find on the ground to cutlery or other utensils). The other day I was talking with my neighbours and they mentioned hearing weird noises like what I wrote about and I was just internally screaming the entire conversation. Iβm 99% sure they donβt know itβs me but god that 1% chance is seriously weighing on my mind.
Classic
Confessions
My son won't stop using "TwitchSpeak?
My son (14) watches a lot of video game streamers on Twitch.tv. I personally don't find them entertaining but I can understand why some people (like my son) do. Over the past month he's starting using terms like "pog", "jabaited", and "Kappa" which I guess are terms that are used in the scope of Twitch. I don't have an issue with my son using these terms but it's gotten to the point where every sentence is Twitchspeak. We were having dinner and my daughter (age 12) was talking about how she got accepted for a summer program with the local animal shelter, and my son said "Pog you, easy clap". I told him that it was getting out of hand and that he would have to communicate normally to his parents and family. To that he said "Weird champ, feels weird man, normies omega LOL." Until he learns to communicate like a normal human being I've blacklisted Twitch from the internet for the time being. He's hysterical now but I told him that I would unblacklist it if he stopped using twitchspeak, but he's refusing to stop so for now it's banned. AITA?
Classic
Am I The Asshole?
Whoβs Joe? Joe Momma
"Whoβs joe?" a distant voice asks.
Instantly everyone nearby hears the sound of 1,000s of bricks rapidly shuffling towards his location.
The earth itself seemed to cry out in agony, until finally the ground itself split open and a horrific creature crawled from the ground, covered in mucus and tar.
βJoe Mommaβ¦β the creature whispered.
The man cried out in pain as he disintegrated into dust, and the whole world fell silent in fear.
"I did a little trolling." the wretched creature remarked before burrowing back into the earth.
Classic
Math is "mental abuse to humans"
twitchquotes:
You know how some people say that math is βmental abuse to humansβ? Well, lemme tell you one thing: βMathβ is an abbreviation for βmathematicsβ, so youβre only looking at 36% of the whole thing. What does the other 64% stand for? It stands for βexcept mostly at truly intelligently cool studentsβ! That means, if you think math is mentally abusing you, youβre not truly intelligent or cool! Youβre dumb and lame! So the next time someone gives you the first 36% of this ridiculous acronym, give them the other 64%. Donβt forget to tell them that they suck at etymology.
twitch chat