[Copypasta] I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today

I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today, I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending, earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen EVERYONE in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever had, or ever will produce shot out SO HARD that my dick was ripped apart by my Übernut, accelerating to 5% of the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, it barely slowed before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear powered angle grinder. the sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of illinois became pregnant with my children.
July 2021

Classic

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I cannot get over how much Kripp complains

twitchquotes: I cannot get over how much this guy complains as soon as he doesn't get extremely lucky. He is so incredibly narcissistic that he truly believes nobody else is allowed to do well or draft effective cards. We are all just guests who play in Kripp's world of hearthstone. To suggest that you are better than Kripp must simply mean that you have better RNG. What an arrogant failure of a man
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June 2016
Kripp

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R-Reynad-sama? Could you please roleplay?

twitchquotes: (»° _ °«) R-Reynad-sama? Could you please, um, roleplay, so when your hero takes damage... you um, p-pretend y-you take damage...! T-thank you... (>/////<)
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January 2015
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Pickpocket hot tip

twitchquotes: Hot tip: When someone yells pickpocket start searching for your wallet in the groin area and exclaim 'Thank God my wallet is safely tucked between my testicles'. The pickpocket will see this and assume that the wallet is there. These people usually have very supple and delicate hands so when they try to take your wallet you will instead get a pleasant fondling to your genital area.
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January 2019

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Meanwhile in Forsen's mouth

twitchquotes: Meanwhile in Forsen's mouth: ~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€ ~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ γ€€~ KappaPride ~ KappaPride γ€€ γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride γ€€ γ€€γ€€γ€€~ KappaPride
twitch chat
March 2016
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As I type this I have my modded PS2 running a track IP script on your post

You fucked up kid. As I type this I have my modded PS2 running a track IP script on your post. Once I have triangulated your position in the world, my PS3 will release to your router my very own Pandora box virus. You won't notice it at first, but soon your lame PC will begin to work against you in ways you can't even imagine. First your graphics card will start to emit the flu virus, your ram will be uploaded online so everyone will be able to use it, your motherboard will slowly secrete acidic resin which will fry the electronics. The processor will be fine, just to give you hope. You will be left with a husk of a machine, all because you decided to critique my mental ability... was it worth it? Not even your mummy can help you now fuck boy
January 2021

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Text-to-Speech Playing