I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today, I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending, earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen EVERYONE in the immediate vicinity.
What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever had, or ever will produce shot out SO HARD that my dick was ripped apart by my Übernut, accelerating to 5% of the speed of light by the time it left my urethra.
It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, it barely slowed before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear powered angle grinder. the sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of illinois became pregnant with my children.
I used to be a real ad
More Classic Copypastas
TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide
So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.
Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.
At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.
While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.
Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!
Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
Classic
STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US!
STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US! I'M TIRED OF SEEING IT! My friends on TikTok send me memes, on Discord its fucking memes. I was in a server, right, and ALL the channels are just Among Us stuff. I showed my Champion underwear to my girlfriend, and the logo I flipped it and I said "Hey babe, when the underwear sus! HAHA! Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding DiDiDing!" I fucking looked at a trash can and I said "Thats a bit sussy!" I looked at my penis, I thought of the astronauts helmet and I go "PENIS? MORE LIKE PEN-SUS!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Among Us / Amogus
Classic
Malta vs Penguins
40% of the chat are 41 year olds pretending to be 14
twitchquotes:
This chat disgusts me. 40% of the chat are 41 year olds pretending to be 14. The other 40% are 14 year olds pretending to be 41. And the remaining 30% just copy pastes the longest message they can find in the chat. Grow up chat, grow up. 
twitch chat
No girlfriend ✔️