[Copypasta] McAfee didn't kill himself

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩☆۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ☆★☆ 𝐌𝐂𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐃𝐍'𝐓 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 ☆★☆ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩☆۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Petition to fly Kripp down to Houston

twitchquotes: I am starting a petition to fly Kripp down to Houston to aid in the Hurricane Harvey relief effort. The unprecedented levels of PJSalt that spew from his mouth will reduce the water levels by at least 75%. One copy pasterino = 1 prayer BlessRNG
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September 2017
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Quibi is shutting down

twitchquotes: Quibi is shutting down. What’s the fuckin point anymore? Now what am I supposed to do when I go to a restaurant and they tell me my table won’t be ready for another eight minutes? How am I supposed to pass those eight minutes using a cell phone and internet connection without quibi exclusive content only available on quibi? Where else can i get “quick bites” of content streaming directly to my mobile phone for viewing on the go? As if 2020 wasn’t bad enough now I can’t watch any more murder house flip, the show where they renovate houses where human beings have lost their lives at the hands of their loved ones and sell those houses to rich cosmopolitan couples looking to move out of the city? What’s the point? I for one am not “content” with the current state of the “content”
twitch chat
October 2020

Amogus get out of my head

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̑̋͂̒͋̈̈̚̚̚͜͝͝͝═̵̛̯͖́̆̾̾̍̄̍̇́̔̔̾̃͐̎̑̀̂͊̓̍̒̊̈́͛̌̏́͑͒̋͋͘̕̕͝͝═̷̢̛̛̛̛̳͈̩̘͈͉̹͒̊͑̂͊̈͆̌͆͛̿̆̉͂̈́̑̾̒̄̔̂͛͛̀̌̊̈̃̊͛̅̋͛̏͛͊̚͘͝͝█̷̛͚̀͑̓́͊͂͆̒̈́͘̚█̵̧̨̨̲͙͖̞͉͕͈̬͕̹̥̜̩̼̫͕̳͂̈͊̽͋͘ͅ║̴̛͍͈̝͈̬̮͉͉̳̤̰̱̟̠̌͗̐̓̿̊́̃̈́̔̂̿̇̍̄͆͂̇̐͆͑͊͛͒̿̾̿̓̇̈̓͗̏̕͘͘͘͜͠͝͠ͅ░̶̡̨̧̡͚̘̣͎͇͓͔̬̹͇̝̖̖͈̖̦̠͖̳͔͕̯̯̤̘̅̓͘͘͜͜͠͠͠͝╚̷̨̢̧̨̛̛̛͚̖̲̞͈̩̭͙̟͙̥̱̠͚̪̟̞̺̟̖̗̻̥̹͉̀̍͊͑͌̉͛͆̈͛̂̏͑̌̍̈́̌͋͘͘̕͜͝ͅ═̴̧̺̤͉̲̝̭̬̥̭̱͎̬̋͛̋̍̈́̎̐̎͌̆͘͜͝ͅ═̶̨̢̧̢̡̛̥̻̯͓͚̘͉̘͇̻̻̲̩̫̯̼͉͔̜̠͇̟̹̺̭̪̜̟̱͔͚̣̻̹̞͎̱̈́̋́̒̄͠ͅ═̷̢͙̼̙͓̮̞̠̼͓̪̲̀̌͗̾̒̽͆͗̍̋̓̀͆̎͛̍̂͆͋́͆̇̓̓͂̋̓͘͘͠͠͠█̷̙̻̱͇̇͒̐̃̈́̃́͒̈̐̌̆̃̊̑̚͝͠͝█̴̧̧̛͚̠̝̪̻̤̲͈̳̯̮̫̪͇̻̙̘̞͙̞̬͔͕̝͎̹̱͙̜̼͈͚̪̦̉̉͋̍͆͒̈́̋̍̉͛͒͌̌͒̀̆̊̇́́̓͒̈́̈́̒͐̾͆́́̕̚̕͝͝ͅͅ╗̸̧̧̨̧̛͔̯͈͖̯͚͖̪̹͈̥̮̘̙̦̻̗̭̠̲̤̫̜̤̲̺̫̲̼̙͚͕̦͂̊̿̓̈͊͆̿̉̂̉̆̊̐̑̂̄̈͊̈́̈́̚͝͝█̸̨̢̛̩̫̮̹͖̭̺̺͙̩̮̳̞̲̤͗́̅̆̓͐̃̎͑̀̋̈́̉̓̄̋͒͌̀͑̆̓͑̏̓̂͌̈́̾̔̇̚͘͠͠͝ͅ█̷̡̨̢̨̛̖̮̦̯̦͍̰̰̪͕̬̻̰̣̝͎͎͎͔̫̊̔̐̍̆͊̔̑͌͒͂͒̓̾̍͌̊̓͒̓͋͑̋̓̓̂̊̃͛̌̏͌̍͘͜͜͠║̷̮̤͔͓͎͖̱̗̠͇̜̳̖̮̗̬͙̹͔̜̜̬̹̯͛͒͋͑̚ͅ░̵̨̛̮̙̹̪̣͙̪̩͈̰̜̗̠̘̱͕͖̺͚͈̠̤̼̳͕̝̂̽̀͛̒̒́̆̀́́͛̒̿͑̇̒̐͂́̈́̒̆͋̔͛͆́̆͐͛̑̕͘͜͝͝░̶̛̛͙͉̙͇̞͖̳̪̦͖̳̘̘̖͇͉̻̥̖̖̖̬͚̖̃͛̀̈́͐͆̆̄͗̈́̅͌̇̏̈̽̂̆̓́̕̚͜͝͝͝ͅ█̴̨̢̧̛̻̖͙̹̜̝͚̠̘͙̱̗͔͍̱̪̼̩̞̤̪̯͙̖̗̺͉͇̞̬̦̱̱̲̘͊͒̄̏̀̀̑́̍̄̌̂̔͐̓̓̇̆͂͛́͑͊̑͂̃̓̊̅͆̀́̍̕͜͜ͅͅ█̵̢̧̢̛̛̠̥͚͈̜̻̦̬͕͎͓͇̗̲͖̪̣͇̮̳̙̣̫͈̳͔̜̥͇̥̹̙̬̣̪̭̙̾̄̐̅̍́͛̎͐̉͋́̊̈́̿̈́̔͂̈́̂̎͜͜ͅͅ║̴̬̰̖̲̲͈̳́̀́͆̚█̸̡̡̡̨̧̨̪̬͍͎̝̺͖͓͙̓̾̀̐̅́͂͋̃͗̑͆̏̈́͒̋́̀̒͋̔͆̋̃̕̕͘͝͝█̵̞͋̈͒̈́̇̃̉̒͂̈́̾̍̃͋̒̉͐̐̐̇́̀͌̆͊̚̚͘̚͘̚̕͝╔̷̢̢̢̢̛̺͖͖͍͇̳̗̗̼̹̲̰͍͉̙̳̯͇̪͇̝̼̬̗̣͇̮̣̣̺͉̬͉̮̠͕̆͊̎̑̍͌̋̋̃̆͊͂̽̌͐̑̏͛̍̀͘̕͝͝ͅ═̸̢̛̤̺̳̠̮̖͇̉̈́̆̊̍̎̒̈́͋́̑̌̓̎̄̿̊̎̈́̅̌̿́͆̌̈́̐̀͊̑͌̚̚̕̕̚͠͠═̵̡̨̨̛̲͔̤̼̝͇͎̩̌̆͗̾̈͗̈̅͌͊̿̔͒̂̊̐̀̇̿̉͐̈́͒̀̊̓̀̾̈́̍͠͠█̶̡̡̢̧̨̖̟̝̹͖̜̠͈̥̙̠̙̺͍͔̮̲͚͚̝̣͎̘͔̰̾̒̉̈́͒̑̋͌̃̉̃͜ͅ█̸̢̢̧̛̦̗͓͇̺͓̤͎̳͇̖̬̬̮̭̳͍͈̼̟̘̠̊̀͒͐̒̔̒̄̈́͑́̇͂͜ͅ║̸̧̢̧̠̫̟̬̬͈̣͓͖̣͙̣̲̱̤̤̖̖̳̠̰͍͚͉̱̩̭̝͙̥͔̩͎͗͛́̍͒̑̋̈́͒̅̈̆̓͐̈́̃̇̇̀́͋͗̾̐̌̓̒̿̇̈́̔̋̈́̆̈́͊̓͂͑͜͜͜͝ͅͅ█̶̡͇̲̭̦͎̮͔̜̤̘̎̅̅̅́͐͒̄̍̽̑̃́̈́̒͑͗̌̓͘͠͝͝█̶̢̢̱͇̮͓̩̜̪̞̺̗̰̺̪͍͍̠̭͍̘̘̭̥͎̺͙͙̙̭̣͊̇͒̍͗̎̑͗̌͑̽̀̔͛͌͑̓́̈̉́̓̇̔̇͊͑̋̍̏̎́͘̚͜͜͠͝╔̷̨̡̛̛̲͖͚̯̥͓̠͇̗̻̉̐̇̓̾͊͒̎̔́̇͆̋̆̃͠═̴̢̪̱͕̠̘̲̞̘͔̻̟͎̫̹͎̮̟̙͔̱͍̻̣̟͔͈̀̀̀̓̄̊̈̎̐̀̊̈́̍͂̾͘̕̚̚̕͜͝͝͝ͅ═̴̡̡̡̢̨̝̭̰͉̹̻͔̹͙̖̥̗͓͔̼̜͓̬̥̟̠͔͍̳̰̪̝̠̖̑́̈́̏̕͜ͅ█̷̨̯̯͍̹̬̙͍̙̞͈͈̲̥̜̾̇̓̀́͋͆̽̎͛̔̏̐̀͌̂̆̎̀̏̐̕͘͝ͅ█̷̢̨̡̛̖̲̰̣̪̲̼̫̩͓̈́̑̓̾͐̊͑̔͊̽̏̓́̀́͛̔̅͋͋̎̄̓̅̂́̈́͛͂̅̌͒̐̈́̆̊͐͂̎̚̚̚ͅ║̷̵̨̢̡̡̧̨̢̛̬͙͇̞̻̰͓̳̘̱͈̪̥̙̫̤͙͇͈̲͙̤̬̪̼͕͔̞̟̹̖̥̼͈̘͕͉͔͙͕͉̬̯͚̝̫̥͙̱̠̤̙̪̝̫̘̗͙͇̥̜͖̗̯̖͕̖̝͆̍̾̉͋͌͊͌̈́̂́̀̽̅̓̎̑̌̽̑̆̊̎̆͂̒͋͂̂̑̈́̍̒̊̈́͘̚̚͜͜͝͠͠͝ͅ█̴̡̛̛̛̛̮̩͉̺̦͈̾̄̈́͐̑͒͋̆̎̆̂̀̒́̓͌̆̅͗̍̌̀͂͌͛̓͆͑̔́̕̕̚͘͝͝█̷̡̢̢̛̛̝͍͈̝͇̹̯͙̣͖̖̜͎͇̺̣̰͙̗̖͕͙̯͈̼̱̦̼̓͆̍̀́̿̈̓̿͂̒̿͋̄̂͊̇̕̚͜͜ͅ█̸̢̡̢̢̨̢̛̻̝͖̞̣̙̣̯̭͖̲̺̥̦̘̙͎͎̥͎̙̤̟̝̙͚̐̋͑́̇̆̎́̄́̅͆̄̇́͆͂̍̆͂͋͒͑̈̐̍̈́̿̀͆͒͐͂̕̚̚̕͠█̶̧̢̙̤͔̩͕̥̹̯͙̗̱̼̙̝̺͕̤̬͉̗̬͓̣̣͚̜͕̗̗̩̜̞̠̼̗͙͇̳̦̆̈́͆͗̍̈́̌͂̃̾͌́̃̉̆̈́̎̈́̋̐̎̈͘͝͝█̴̛͎̮̮͚̰̼͖͕̗̖͆̾̑̏͗̈́͒͑̌̈́̄̈́͂̈̈́́͋̂́̃̏́͘̚̕͝͝͝ͅ█̵̡̭̠͉͙͖͈̻͇͇̘͙̫̱͓̮̺̼͎̲̦͕̉̀̌̌͛̔̂̄̈́͒̾͊͑͑͐̽̉̄̀̕͝ͅ╔̵̢̛͚̦͍͇̼̗̫̦̤̯̤͕͈͇̦͈͇̪̝͎̉̊͌̽͑̔͗͐̇̑͌̀̏̀̏͗̄̍̂̈́̈́͐́̓͘͜͜͝͝͝͝ͅ╝̷̧̢̨̙͕͎̠̻̞̺̯̗̼͔̯͇̳̙͔͚͈̞̟̼̬̰̜̺͙̙̋̄̀̊́̿̽͐͌͊̓̅̄́̌̾͒̑̚͘̕͘͜͜͠͝ͅͅ█̴̡̧̢̲͓͔͖̺̟̪͖̣̮̘͉̝̩͎͕̗̼̹̝͙̈́ͅ█̵̮̘̉̇̅̑͛̈́͒̂̀̉́̉͛̾̑͐͛̀̇̍̚̚͠͠ͅ║̴̡̡̭̩͉̰͕̘̘̹̼͈̪̬̖̥̭͉̺̭̯̦̜͙̣͇͚̥̰̞̰̑̇́̈́͊͑̌̀̉̄̑͊̐̓̍̀͑̍̾́̆̓̒̇̋́̅͂̽̏͝͠░̴̨̮̖͈͔̮͙̬͇̮͇͔̥͖͕̒̾̓̍͋̚░̶̡̨̡̡̛͖͉̫̦̟̦̼̠͓͙͎̮̠̘͕̜̽̆̀̈̌̊̇́̏̏̆̓̀̓̈́͋̈̏̆̾͋̂͌̉̑́͊̌̚͘͝͝͠͠█̷̛̜̞̪̲̝̲̩̤̬̣͊͆̎̿̒̐̔́̈͆̾͛̑̃̽̎̾█̸̢̛̮̉̾͋̎͐̈́́́͒̀͊̆͌̋̊̽͒̅̀̂͐̈́̋̒̏̓̾̑͛̃͂̀̿̚̕͘̕͝͠͝║̵̢̛̛̦̰̣̙̳͉͓̥͎̟͈̥̘̰̦̯̖̮̻̫̬͙͖̗̠͉̦̼̜̠̮̑́͆̊̋̐́͒̂̏̿͗̇̉͂̄̿̂̑̈͛͜͠͝█̸̢̧̛̯͍̤͍̭̠͓̠̱̠͉̪̲̫̖͈͔͙̱̘̝͓̗̭̠̼̪̤̟͉̙̞͓͕̬̩͕̲̙̂̾̄́̏̎̾͐̈́̍͗͒̑̓͋͑͒͋̌́̋͋̏̐̇͌̍̇̇͂́̏̀͆̅̎͂̒̐͒̚͜͜͝͠ͅ█̶̢̯̤̍͆̀́̽̌̉͗̿́͑̋̆̑͑̀̉̽͋̌͊͑̈́͘̕͝█̴̰̦̭͖̹̞̱̩͇͎̜͉̖̗̙̖̳͍̼̞̩̈́͆̏͆̔̒̏̈́̚͜͝█̸̧̡̡̼̭͔̥̯̱̞̯̟͖͈̻̗̳̞̬͇̣̺̯͍̯͇̯̱̪̩̬̣͚͈̠͎̳̱͖̺̦̯̋̇͗́̉̌̀̈̍̿̌̓̽̿̉͐̽͊̄̈́͒̂̉͆͂́̓̄̇̔̅̋̚͜͜͠͝͝͝█̴̨̡̨̛͚̩͚̼̖͚̭͍͍̼̖̬̣̤̜̣̯̀̓̑̌̏̌͊͛̄͑͂̇̏́̓͗͘͘͝͝█̷̨̧̨̡̨̙̰̝͓͓̬̱̰̗̥̞̣̮̼̞̝̦̱͚̬͈̰͈̦̞̞̠̬̥̣͚̻͎͎̱̹̖̜̎́̍̽̎͂̈́̎̊̑̎̋͛̐̆̅̓̏́̾̈́̓̋╔̵̢̛̛̩͍͖̹͙̥̋̑͋͐̒͂̐͑̅͒̒̐͌̎̀̿͆̈̂̾̆̍̀͐͑̈̕͘̕̕̚͘͠͝╝̶̨̢̧͇͔̼̟͕̹͙̬̪͉̞̼͔̖̼͖̮͉̘͍͈̝͍̮̼̯̱̺̤̱͉̞͖̞͕̜̟̱̤̯̃̈̆̋͋͛̆͘͘̕͜█̵̡̡̧̢͍̟̤̲̮̙̜̺͕̜̰͈͉̬̤̤͇̠͎̺͕̣̀̐̂̀̃͌̏̎͗̍̆̃̒͒̇̒́̈͗̈́̅̉̓̓̃̈́͊̉́͘͝ͅͅ█̵̧̮̣̝̈́̉█̶̨̙̹̯̖̻͇̭̹̥͚͍͍̦̘͇̘͕̮̈́̇̍̂̿̾͌̉́̿̍̓̋̒̂͗̑̓͂͆͆̾̾̈́̈̀͆͑̆̏̓͆͘̕̚̚̚̚͘͜͜͠͝█̸̺͈̬̦͖̜̳͍̝̦̝̿̄̆̂͐́̎̾̅́̓̽̀͗͋̀͑̆̿̌̎̀̉̀̽̈́͗̑͆̈͛͘͜͠█̷̨̨̢̢̠̺̩̯̙̩̥̝̮͚̜̩͕̞̮̬̂̌͊̽̽͂͗̍͑̒͂̐̄̈͊̓̓͆̽̐̔̓̄̀̌̎̚͘͘͘̚̚͝
January 2022

Among Us / Amogus

SPAM THIS BANANA TO HELP MICHAEL SANTANA

twitchquotes: SPAM 🍌 THIS 🍌 BANANA 🍌 TO 🍌 HELP 🍌 MICHAEL 🍌 SANTANA
twitch chat
November 2018
imaqtpie

TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide

So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them. Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem. At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day. While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made. Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that! Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
August 2021

Classic

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