[Copypasta] Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

as an extreme bee enthusiast, this is anatomically incorrect

as an extreme bee enthusiast, this is anatomically incorrect. I shall take a moment to teach the people about bee excrement. Firstly, to the woe of those into both pee and bee, bees do not pee. Insects entirely lack kidneys, bladders, livers, and more. Now, to the question regarding the post, do bees fart, and if they do, is it an extremely dirty fart at that? Well, lets first discuss bee poop. bees mostly use everything when making honey, which is basically pure energy and nutrients. Bee poop is mostly undigested pollen grains and more complex sugars. A bee could poop in your ice cream, and you would be none the wiser. you might even like, it better, for reasons ranging from "culinary" to sexual. Bees are surprisingly clean creatures, and despite bee poop basically being failed candy, bees always leave the hive to poop, they do not poop inside the hive. As for the farting part, it is without a doubt that any animal could potentially have air trapped inside it, and therefore must expel it, however farting as we know it is much more than that. Regardless, a bee would not "fart", and if they did, it would be more akin to a floral perfume than a burst of sulfur and feces. also the head and legs look a bit weird, 4/10
May 2022

So as a joke, I fucked my friend in a Red M&M cosplay

So as a joke, I went to my friend's house wearing Red M&M’s wrapper and shoes. I could barely stop my laughter as he went as red as an M&M and looked at me from head to toe with a bit of drool in his mouth. The way he stared made mde feel a bit funny too, but I decided to tease him more by taking off my wrapper. He asked me, "Are you serious?" and I said "It’s that kind of party." He went silent for what seemed like forever, so I asked him, "What's the matter, can’t resist my chocolaty interior?" He said he's confused, but then his boner got really hard, which made me take off his clothes. I expected him to scream, "Stop!" as I kissed him and stroked his cock, but he instead shouted "I melt in your mouth, not in your hands!" which made me get a boner myself. Before I knew it, I was blowing him for the first time till he came. His semen was so thick, it got stuck inside my throat no matter how hard I swallowed. He then said, "I want to fuck you now!" and seeing that we've already gone that far and we were both naked, I obliged. A few hours later, the jerk went all pale and said to me "Why did we do that? Now I'm not fucking straight." But he still looked so cute all confused like that, so I took pity on him and reassured while wiping his cum off my face, "Let's just pretend I'ms till Red M&M."
September 2021

It's not TOP totem, it's BOTTOM totem

twitchquotes: Kripp... In the cultures that use a totempole it's the ones on the bottom that have the most respect and are generally elders/seers. The top of the pole are the scrublords that barely deserve the recognition. So top totem is INCORRECT. It's BOTTOM totem.
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp

You just entered a world of hurt

twitchquotes: Hey you mothef**ker. You just entered a world of hurt. I just found my wifes texts to 'The Kripp', talking about dongers, topdicks, and salt. I don't know what kind of fetish *** you're into but you better find it somewhere else. I'm coming for you. If any of you retards copy paste this I'll get you too.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Great Thermo-War

twitchquotes: It is the year 2134. I am one of the last people on the planet. Nearly everyone was wiped out in the Great Thermo-War. Now there is no reason to live. I open my holodeck-transponder and go to "Twitch tv". I turn on Kripp's stream and see that he has made it to Rank 10. I succumb to my radiation poisoning.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing