So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
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To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:
To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:
I’m sorry I kept referring to Fred’s liberally mayo’d oven-roasted chicken sub as a “bukkake special”. I’m sorry that you kept demanding that your teenage son explain why he was laughing so hard. I’m extra sorry that this turn of events led you to practically yelling “ETHAN, WHAT IS A BUKKAKE SPECIAL?” in the middle of a crowded restaurant.
Bears after a green day
It’s 4:01pm. Bears solemnly log out of their devastated brokerage account, get up from their makeshift desk made up of a stack of empty Michelina’s frozen lasagna dinners, head up the stairs of their father’s basement, grab the keys to their tan ‘97 Chevy Cavalier and a cloth mask embroidered with the word “VOTE,” and drive down the street to the local gay bar for a holiday themed burlesque show.
WallStreetBets
Will this affect my Wayne
twitchquotes:
Hello, Reynad I have been the butler of a very prestigious family for a very long time. Couple I work for has just recently been shot and killed, I have been left to take care of him but, he has resort to a life of crime fighting which is very dangerous. Will this affect my Wayne.
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Reynad
Hello Mr. Morosan! This is the salt truck driver
twitchquotes:
༼ ͠• ل͜ • ༽ ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴍʀ. ᴍᴏʀᴏsᴀɴ! ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴛʜᴇ sᴀʟᴛ-ᴛʀᴜᴄᴋ-ᴅʀɪᴠᴇʀ. ɪ'ᴍ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴇʟɪᴠᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏʀᴅᴇʀ ᴏꜰ 69 ᴛᴏɴs ᴏꜰ ᴩᴜʀᴇ sᴀʟᴛ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴀᴍᴏᴜs sᴀʟᴛᴍɪɴᴇ "üʙᴇʀᴋäᴋᴇɴᴋᴏᴛᴢɴ" ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʟᴩs. ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴏʀᴅᴇʀ ᴍᴏʀᴇ sᴀʟᴛ, ʟᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ! ɢᴏᴏᴅʙʏᴇ sɪʀ! ༼ ͠• ل͜ • ༽
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Kripp
Parody names for the ACDC song Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Atrocious Acts Accomplished at Affordable Rates
Barbaric Business Bartered at Bargain Costs
Contemptible Coups Carried out at Cut Rates
Dastardly Doings Dealt at Discounted Payments
Evil Endeavors Enacted at Extraordinary Deals
Filthy Feats Furnished through Fair Expenses
Gross Games Garnished through Good Contracts
Heinous Hooliganism Haggled to Humble Budget
Immoral Incidents Issued at Inconsequential Fees
Jarring Jobs Judged Justly Priced
Kriminal Kapers Kompleted at Kompetitive Prices
Licentious Larceny Licensed at Low Tariffs
Malicious Missions Made with Minimal Resources
Nefarious Notions Negotiated at Negligible Charges
Ominous Operations Outsourced at Optimal Prices
Perilous Performances Priced at Pocket Change
Questionable Quests Quarried at Quackpot Terms
Rambunctious Rackets Realized at Reduced Figures
Sinister Shenanigans Supplied at Satisfactory Pay
Thuggish Things Terminated at Trivial Fees
Unscrupulous Undertakings Unleashed at Unusual Discount
Villanous Ventures Valued at Vexing Costs.
Wicked Work Waged at Wee Fares
Xecrable Xploits Xecuted Xtremely Inexpensively
Yucky Yerks Yielded as Year-End Sales
Zany Zinging Zoned for Zero Markup