[Copypasta] His name was Norman Reedus

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Imaqtpie's father messages him

twitchquotes: Hola Miguel, it is me your father, Fernando Santana. I see you achieved a lot in your life and your seniora Lisha is a fine mamacita. When are you comin to Mehico?
twitch chat
June 2017
imaqtpie

League of Legends

Hi Kripp, Google again here

twitchquotes: Kripp, Google again here. We've noticed that you've been away from Twitch for at least 2 minutes in the past. We're just wondering if everything is okay. Is it still the merchandise? We're serious about raising the price if it's a problem to you. We just want you to have fun, and to of course buy more Twitch merchandise. Our Viewbots are ready to bring you (mostly us) much ad revenue. Thank you Kripp, hope to see you soon
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Viewbots

Google employees complaints

Reading Google employees complaints about workplace is like watching Becky cry on social media how her life's ruined when she only got a new Hyundai for graduation instead of the audi she asked. Bitch give me that 300k job and I will deal with "my voice not being heard" all day every day.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

PauseChamp

⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠟⠂⠀ ⣿⣿⣯⣤⣤⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠀⣀⣀⡀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠿⠟⠉⠉⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⢉⣼⣿⣿⣿⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣤⣴⣶⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⣩⣤⣤⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠛⠛⠛⠛⢋⣩⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠛⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣄⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃ ⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣁⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⠏⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣈⡻⠋⠁⠀⠀ ⣰⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠩⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠉⠉⠉⣿⣿⡶⠶⠶⢶⠿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⣻⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠈⠛⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠄⠙⠛⠿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠞⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
September 2020

Fiddle this, Fiddle that...

twitchquotes: Fiddle this, Fiddle that... For fucks sake chat you do this every time a new champion comes out. Everybody says they are too weak and need buffs. Michael is the ONLY one who goes against the grain to show you that indeed the 27% winrate is a myth and will demonstrate that perfectly clearly how it should be closer to 10%...
twitch chat
April 2020
imaqtpie

League of Legends

Text-to-Speech Playing