Always has been
ππ¨βππ«π¨βπ
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
I highlight every message
twitchquotes:
Lmao you call yourself a [insert streamer] fan? I'm fucking loaded on channel points bro. I highlight every message because I'm just that jacked. Try talking in chat again when you're a true fan
twitch chat
Classic
have you ever had a dream like this?
have you ππΏ ever π had a dreams π΄π- thats β- that you ππ»π€ uhm π€ you π had you π- you π could- you π do what you 
want π- you π could do- so you ππ¦- you π do- you π could do you π€π- you πΈπ wan π- you πΈπ want π him π΄ to do so much π₯ that you could do anything π°?
want π- you π could do- so you ππ¦- you π do- you π could do you π€π- you πΈπ wan π- you πΈπ want π him π΄ to do so much π₯ that you could do anything π°?
Emoji Pasta
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Bermuda," I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
Classic
I hate April Fool's Day
Iβm fucking shaking and crying right now yβall, and people arenβt taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISNβT FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. Iβve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, theyβd be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as Iβm BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. Iβm allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because ITβS SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. Iβve had enough