[Copypasta] Slap Chop commercial script

Now that I have your attention let me show you this handy new kitchen tool, the Slap Chop! You’re going to be in a great mood all day, because you’re going be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop. Now, look here’s a potato. One slap you got big chunks for stew, two slaps home fries in a second. And, look at this when you add a mushroom: the more you do it, the finer it gets you don’t have to switch any blades. Now, you love salad -- you hate making it. You know you hate making salads -- that’s why you don’t have any salad in your diet. Watch this one slap... salad! I love Pizza too, but once in a while get the veggies in, at least throw it on top of the pizza. You’re going to change your eating habits. Soup, Coleslaw, stuff we want, 5 seconds. 4 or 5 seconds, it's done. This thing, this tuna looks boring. Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life. Add this tuna putting it in like this now you’re going to have a nice, tuna, salad. Look at this you’re going to have an exciting life now. Look here’s a hard boiled egg. One chop, you add the pickle; you add the green onion. And what you can do is mix things together add the ham and you’re going to love this. You don’t have time to make breakfast, breakfast to go. You’re going to love my nuts. Watch this: almonds, walnuts. Comes with a cover so you can do everything in the cover. Alright, or you can do it on the board, whatever you like. So easy, one finger, if I can do it with one finger you guys can do it with your whole hand. Kids can do it. You know what they charge at the ice cream store? A dollar for toppings at the ice cream store. Add a couple cookies if you want. So, you can make it for 10 cents. Stop throwing your money away. You know not only nuts what about fruit? Put a mango, look at that isn’t that beautiful on your ice cream.
December 2020
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

This guy's girlfriend is CRAZY!

twitchquotes: ☑ “This guy's girlfriend is CRAZY!” ☑ “My Rania can't win against a hot blonde like that” ☑ "She NEEDED precisely those two big breasts to win" ☑ "She had the perfect cameltoe" ☑ “There was nothing I couldn't do to her” ☑ “I ate her perfectly” ☑ “What a slut”
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp

This Copypasta Is CRAZY!

Response to "who asked?"

I don't care if you "didn't ask". The world does not revolve around you and I can say whatever the fuck I want, and I could not care less if you didn't ask so shut the fuck up. This is why you are lonely and everyone leaves you.
August 2021

Who Asked?

Jacking Off Emoji

November 2021

NSFW

Emoji Pasta

Well to be perfectly honest

twitchquotes: Well to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view's and by trying to make it objectified, and by considering each and every one's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was going to say
twitch chat
January 2019

Twin Towers

░░░░░░░░░▌░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░▄▄▄▄▄▄▄░░▄▄▄▌▄▄▌░ ░░░░░░▐▓▓▌▒▒▌░░▐▓▓▌▒▒▌░ ░░░░░░▐▓▓▌▒▒▌░░▐▓▓▌▒▒▌░ ░▒▒▒░░▐▓▓▌▒▒▌░░▐▓▓▌▒▒▌░ ░▒▒▒░░▐▓▓▌▒▐▌░▐▐▓▓▌▒▒▌░ ░░░░░░▐▓▓▌▒▐▌░▐▐▓▓▌▒▒▌░ ▄▄▄▄▄░▐▓▓▌▒▓▌░▐▓▓▓▌▄▄▌░ ▒▒▌▒▄▄▓▓▓▌▐▓▌▄▐▓▓▓▒▒▌▒▌ ▓▓▌▒▒▌▓█▓▒▐▓▌▌▌▓▓▓▓▒▌▒▌ ▓▓▌▒▒▌▓██▐▒▌▐▌▄▓██▓▒▓▒▌ ▓▓▌▒▒▐██▓▐▒▌▐▌▐▓██▓▄▓▄▄ ▓▓▌▐▄▓▓█▓▐▒▌▐██▀▓██████
April 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing