[Copypasta] Champion M&M

twitchquotes: Sometimes, whenever i eat M&Ms, i like to hold two m&ms in between my fingers and squeeze as hard as i can until one m&m cracks. I eat the cracked one and the one that didn't crack becomes champion, then i grab another m&m and force it to compete with the champion in this deadly game of m&m gladiators. I do this until i run out of m&ms, and when there is one left standing i send a letter to m&ms brand with the champion in it and a note attached that reads "please use this m&m for breeding purposes"
twitch chat
August 2014
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Why is six afraid of seven? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam

Why is six afraid of seven? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. He can seldom close his eyes without opening them again at fear of Charlies lurking in the jungle trees. Not that you could ever see the bastards, mind you. They were swift, and they knew their way around the jungle like nothing else. He remembers the looks on the boys' faces as he walked into that village and... oh, Jesus. The memories seldom left him, either. Sometimes he'd reminisce - even hear - Tex's southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes like nothing else. He always kept a pack of Lucky's with him. The boys are gone, now. He knows that; it's just that he forgets, sometimes. And, every now and then, the way that seven looks at him with avid concern in his eyes... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. Makes him feel like he's back there... in the jungle.
August 2021

Classic

Call of Duty is the most realistic video game with the most advanced engine

Meanwhile in Call of Duty, true gamers laugh about Battlefield's primitive physics engine. Arma was an attempt by a failing Czech developer to make Call of Duty 'more realistic'. However due to the fact that Call of Duty was already as realistic as a video game can possibly be, they panicked. They made a shameless rip-off and slapped 'military simulator' on the front. True gamers are smart enough to know this, hence why Arma averages 67 on Metacritic, whereas Call of Duty averages 98-100. Call of Duty players laugh down at players of every other game, knowing they are Call of Duty rip-offs. Call of Duty is the most realistic video game with the most advanced engine. The world's leading video game scientists have confirmed this, so it isn't as much 'thinking' as it is 'knowing'. And Call of Duty can't possibly RIP those games off. Call of Duty was the first video game, so there wasn't anything for it to rip off.
August 2021

Call of Duty

Vandelar from the castle jousting team

twitchquotes: Hail Kripp, 'tis I, Vandelar from the castle jousting team. How does life treat you today? I notice you continue to fool around with children's playing cards, some things never change! Art thou still playing the wizard of warcraft children's game? I never had time for such pursuits, for I found myself occupied with defending my honor, and laying with beautiful wenches. Alas, it was nice to see thou again, write me and we shall visit the tavern Kreygasm
twitch chat
May 2016
Kripp

So that was a bruh moment

twitchquotes: She said she was “pregnant,” but I wasn’t buying that. I knew she had gas, and a lot of it. I knew that, if properly coaxed out, she had to potential for the greatest fart *EVER*. So one night I walked into her room and slowly approached her belly, and with my entire weight, I performed the greatest pile driver I have ever done. But instead of the thunderous sound expected, I heard a squish sound. Turns out she was pregnant. So that was a bruh moment.
twitch chat
November 2020

Any Bruvs?

⢏⣤⣶⡶⣌⡛⢿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣾⣿⣿⣿⣦⣽⣦⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣛⠿⣿⣿⣷⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⠿⣿⣷⣆⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣏⡳⣬⡛⢿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣾⣟⠙⣿⣿⣷⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠊⢀⢹⣿⡿⢿⠿⢿⡿⢿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡁⠀⠾⠄⢻⡇⢰⣶⠀⣿⡄⠿⢀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⡿⠟⢉⣼⠇⣀⣼⣷⡈⣇⢸⣿⡀⣿⣧⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠁⠰⠿⠟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣉⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠈⠙⠛⠟⠙⠋⠋⠉⣀⠀⣶⣶⣾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢛⡛⢿ ⣶⣄⢀⣀⣀⣠⡄⠚⠛⠡⣿⡇⣡⣼⠀⣿⡇⢹⡄⢿⠏⣸⠋⢤⣌⣻⣶⣿⠏⣸ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢿⣿⠇⣸⡇⣿⣿⠀⢿⠇⢸⣷⠘⢠⣿⠓⢶⠄⢹⣿⡧⢼⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣾⣿⣷⣿⣿⣷⣶⣷⣾⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣶⣶⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿
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December 2021
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