[Copypasta] I love Carl from Brawl Stars

Guys, I’m literally detecting seismic activity. I never wanted to rock with anyone more than I want to with Carl. That perfect, chiseled body. Those bountiful hills. The majestic mountains of a literal god. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I'll never rock with him, pass my sediment through him, and have him birth a set of perfect hot springs. I'd do fricking ANYTHING for the chance to get Carl’s rocks off. A N Y T H I N G. And the fact that I can't is quite honestly too much to fricking bear. Why would Supercell create something so perfect? To fricking tantalize us? Fricking laugh in our faces?! Honestly guys, I just fricking can't anymore. Frick.
December 2020
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

GG

β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–‘ β–ˆβ–ˆβ•”β•β•β•β•β•β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ•”β•β•β•β•β•β–‘ β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–‘ β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–‘β–‘β•šβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–‘β–‘β•šβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•— β•šβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•”β•β•šβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•”β• β–‘β•šβ•β•β•β•β•β•β–‘β–‘β•šβ•β•β•β•β•β•β–‘
January 2021

I hope your arena wins soar as high as I'm going to be

twitchquotes: Key Kripp! I'm Rob! I just purchased a fresh, legal dimebag from a Colorado dealer and intend to celebrate. I hope your arena wins soar as high as I'm going to be during the stream
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

AITA for not telling my wife about all the hitchhikers I killed in the 70s?

Back when I (68M) was a young and dumb twenty-something, I spent a few carefree years in Southern California raping, torturing, and murdering hitchhikers. I don't want any judgement from SJWs about this, please, if you didn't live in Cali in the 1970s, you wouldn't understand. It was just what we did back in those days. Eventually I grew up, got married, had three beautiful kids, and was content to just get off to my trophies and polaroids, and maybe kill the occasional drifter on special occasions. The other day, my wife (37F) found the hidden panel in my basement wall where I keep all the old memories, and she went ballistic. I tried to calm her down, explained that, firstly, they were all dudes, so she shouldn't exactly be getting jealous. Second, they're all dead, so it's not like she's going to have to worry about me leaving her for any of them. Third, there were like three or four other guys doing the same thing around then, and they took the credit for most of my kills. I was very careful, covered my tracks, rarely finished inside them. I don't know why she's got her knickers in such a twist. Quite frankly, I'm feeling really hurt about the whole thing. We've been together for nearly thirty years, and she's thinking about leaving me over something like this? Maybe I should have been more honest, but I was raised to see this as men's business, not something you involve your old lady in. Am I the asshole?
August 2021

AITA

I am a heron

twitchquotes: i am a heron. i haev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of yourο»Ώ pots and pans
twitch chat
July 2014
Stivitybobo

A full golden Hearthstone collection

twitchquotes: Lieutenant General Octavian, we regret to inform you that the Chinese have successfully built a full golden Hearthstone collection before you with their superior economy and rng. You are hereby relieved of all duties pertaining to the hell we call Hearthstone...It's over, Kripp.
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp
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