[Copypasta] I love Carl from Brawl Stars

Guys, I’m literally detecting seismic activity. I never wanted to rock with anyone more than I want to with Carl. That perfect, chiseled body. Those bountiful hills. The majestic mountains of a literal god. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I'll never rock with him, pass my sediment through him, and have him birth a set of perfect hot springs. I'd do fricking ANYTHING for the chance to get Carl’s rocks off. A N Y T H I N G. And the fact that I can't is quite honestly too much to fricking bear. Why would Supercell create something so perfect? To fricking tantalize us? Fricking laugh in our faces?! Honestly guys, I just fricking can't anymore. Frick.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

To a horse, the world is basically Candyland

Have you ever thought about how, to a horse, the world is basically Candyland? Like they're wandering down a trail and boom, there's just some thistles. And then to the left, a delicious tree. There's just food all over the ground everywhere. Horses seem pretty excited about it.
April 2022

Cattarrian warns Pupparrian

twitchquotes: "Welcome to your new home,” says the Kripp as he carries the Pupparrian in his bony arms. The puppy leaps from his uncomfortable position onto the ground and begins to run around. Soon, he grows tired and goes to bed. That night, a ghostly cat visits the Pupparrian in his sleep. β€œFlee,” warns the Cattarrian, β€œThe Kripp plans on eating you, as he once ate me.”
twitch chat
February 2016
Kripp

Hey what's up kripp, it's jeremy your neighbor!

twitchquotes: Hey what's up kripp, it's jeremy your neighbor! I see you're in the office again and playing animated poker - hope everythings well with the wife and garden. Say that lawnmower you borrowed last month; I was wondering when I could expect that back because I noticed your lawn was trimmed no less than three weeks ago but you have yet to bring back my mower. Anyhow , could use that mower. Just checking in but it would be great if I could get that mower back. Thanks again.
twitch chat
March 2018
Kripp

Kripp reviews a card

twitchquotes: ☐ I got the beast in my sights ☐ Hoot hoot ☐ That belongs in a museum ☐ Let me change your mind β˜‘ I looked at this card originally, and I thought, you know, it’s a card, and you play this card. The card will be that card that you’ve played, so you’re playing a card. So it is one thing to play a card if your opponent doesn’t really have any cards. The card will screw up the card pretty hard, and that means it’s a pretty good card.
twitch chat
May 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

Mango Bay CoolCat

twitchquotes: CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat π“œπ“ͺ𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑π“ͺ𝔂 CoolCat
twitch chat
January 2017

Dota 2

Text-to-Speech Playing