[Copypasta] I love Carl from Brawl Stars

Guys, I’m literally detecting seismic activity. I never wanted to rock with anyone more than I want to with Carl. That perfect, chiseled body. Those bountiful hills. The majestic mountains of a literal god. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I'll never rock with him, pass my sediment through him, and have him birth a set of perfect hot springs. I'd do fricking ANYTHING for the chance to get Carl’s rocks off. A N Y T H I N G. And the fact that I can't is quite honestly too much to fricking bear. Why would Supercell create something so perfect? To fricking tantalize us? Fricking laugh in our faces?! Honestly guys, I just fricking can't anymore. Frick.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Full Doge

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–’β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–’β–’β–’β– ░░░░░░░▐▄▀▒▒▀▀▀▀▄▄▄▀▒▒▒▒▒▐ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–’β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–’β– β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–’β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–’β–’β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–Œβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–€β–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–’β– β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–Œ β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œ β–Œβ–’β–€β–β–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–Œβ–„β–‘β–€β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β– β–β–’β–’β–β–€β–β–€β–’β–‘β–„β–„β–’β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–’β–‘β–’β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œ ▐▒▒▒▀▀▄▄▒▒▒▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▒░▒░▒▒▐ β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–’β–‘β–’β–‘β–’β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–Œ ░▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▒░▒░▒▒▄▒▒▐ β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–’β–‘β–’β–‘β–’β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–„β–„β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–„β–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€
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Being a hentai actress must be so weird

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mods will time you out from the chat faster than TSM's 0-6 any% airport speedrun

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How is depression real?

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