[Copypasta] Apology letter from the condom factory

twitchquotes: What in the actual rainbows is wrong with your brain? Did you IQ test return with negative results or something? I’m getting closer and closer to believing that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. Jesus Christ. Love the content keep it up.
twitch chat
December 2020
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More Copypastas

My pasta is really just not salty enough

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, I just finished writing my most recent copypasta, but it needs something else and I was wondering if you can help. My pasta is really just not salty enough and needs some PJSalt. Pls help me finish my masterpiece.
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Is there an anime character stronger than Twilight Sparkle?

twitchquotes: Is there an anime character stronger than Twilight Sparkle? And I'm referring to supercharged Alicorn Princess Twilight Sparkle with Princess Celestia's guidance, full understanding of the Power of Friendship, control of The Elements of Harmony and Spike, equipped with her royal tiara, the Castle of Friendship, and the Rainbow Friendship Kingdom, as well as her Rainbow Sheen and Rainbow Power, with the magic of all the Alicorns implanted in her chest to give her full control of magic?
twitch chat
October 2019

Greggnog

First off: I am not joking. I wish I was joking. I've been with my wonderful boyfriend Greg for over 4 years now, and this Christmas was our third spent together. He's so much fun to be around, handsome, charming, and our sex life is great. Except for one small problem. Every year now starting in December he starts referring to his cum as "Greggnog." When I first heard him say this, it was in the context of a joke, so I laughed, and then I forgot about it. A few days after this, we're exchanging some spicy texts before he gets home from work he says to me, in all seriousness, "I can't wait to pour Greggnog all over your face." I could not believe he just said that to me, but I didn't know what else to do at the time but go along with it. Fast forward to this December. This phrase re-enters his vocabulary at the same time every year. It makes me cringe beyond belief, but until this year he used it sparingly enough for me to just be able to laugh and say "shut the fuck up." I'm sure that 2020 has done at least some irreparable psychic damage to all people, but unfortunately, for my boyfriend, this has manifested in the form of him referring to his cum as "Greggnog" non-stop. This month he has been using the term almost exclusively, in all contexts, and it is driving me batshit insane. I sat him down to talk last week, and I asked him very clearly and directly to stop. At the time, he said he would, and it did slow down for a few days, but it is now four days after Christmas and he's back at it again with no end in sight. He absolutely means the world to me, and I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him, but I have serious doubts now whether or not I can if every Christmas is going to be like this. So please, reddit, what do I do to make this stop for good?
December 2020

Classic

I dream of becoming a carrot

twitchquotes: I dream of becoming a carrot. When I'm home alone I dig holes in the backyard and stand in them, put lettuce on top of my head from sun up to sun down. I would steal sun tan spray from stores and use it until I turned a bright orange. People tell me it's impossible for me to be a carrot but I know I can be anything I want to be.
twitch chat
May 2016

Classic

When I use this text, my brain cell begin to die

twitchquotes: ļ½—ļ½ˆļ½…ļ½Ž i use ļ½”ļ½ˆļ½‰ļ½“ ļ½”ļ½…ļ½˜ļ½”ļ¼Œ ļ½ļ½™ ļ½‚ļ½’ļ½ļ½‰ļ½Ž ļ½ƒļ½…ļ½Œļ½Œ ļ½ļ½•ļ½”ļ½ļ½ļ½ļ½”ļ½‰ļ½ƒļ½ļ½Œļ½Œļ½™ ļ½‚ļ½…ļ½‡ļ½‰ļ½Ž ļ½”ļ½ ļ½„ļ½‰ļ½…ļ¼Ž yet i ļ½ƒļ½ļ½Žļ½”ļ½‰ļ½Žļ½•ļ½… ļ½”ļ½ ļ½ƒļ½ļ½ļ½™ļ½ļ½ļ½“ļ½”ļ½ ļ½ļ½Žļ½„ ļ½†ļ½…ļ½…ļ½Œ i ļ½ƒļ½ļ½Žļ½”ļ½’ļ½‰ļ½‚ļ½•ļ½”ļ½… ļ½”ļ½ ļ½”ļ½ˆļ½… ļ½‰ļ½Žļ½”ļ½…ļ½’ļ½Žļ½…ļ½”ļ¼Ž all ļ½‚ļ½…ļ½ƒļ½ļ½ļ½‰ļ½Žļ½‡ retard.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Classic

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