[Copypasta] Ahsoka Tano

twitchquotes: Luke, did I ever tell you about Ahsoka Tano? She was your father’s exotic teenage alien apprentice, a fine piece of jailbait from a more civilized age. She had the tightest body and the perkiest little breasts in the galaxy; barely legal in most systems. Anakin and I used to doubleteam her at the end of every successful campaign during the Clone Wars, and once in a while we’d even have the entire 501st run a train over her, part of official Jedi “training” of course. In time, she learned how to handle a meatsaber better than anyone in the Jedi Temple. She wore a miniskirt every day so we told her there were no panties in space, and since she was constantly doing acrobatics you’d get a glimpse of her orange pussy mid fight as she’d do a flip while slicing a B2 Super Battledroid in half. It was surreal. We taught her to grip her weapon backwards like a dildo and she constantly got captured by pirates and slavers almost every other day. It was ridiculous, like a constant porno Luke, you have no idea. And she was a good friend.
twitch chat
November 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Have you heard about Twitch Prime?

twitchquotes: Hey guys, have you heard about Twitch Prime? Did you know you can link your Amazon Prime account to your Twitch account, and subscriber to your favorite streamer FOREVER... for 30 days.. FOR FREE!
twitch chat
November 2020

Ben Shapiro ordering pizza

Hello, is this Pizza Hut? Excellent. My name is Ben Shapiro. Conservative thought leader. Prominent white YouTuber. The Muggsy Bogues of the intellectual dark Web. And—look, it’s just a fact—I would like to order some pizza pie. If you are triggered by that request, I do not care. I truly do not. Now let’s discuss conditions. First, thank you for agreeing to debate me. Typically, in fora such as this, I am met with ad-hominem mudslinging, anything from “You racist creep” or “Is that your real voice?” to raucous schoolyard laughter and threats of the dreaded “toilet swirly.” However, your willingness to engage with me over the phone on the subject of pizza shows an intellectual fortitude and openness to dangerous ideas which reflects highly on your character. Huzzah, good sir. Huzzah. Second, any pizza I order will be male. None of this “Our pizza identifies as trans-fluid-pan-poly”—no. Pizza is a boy. With a penis. It’s that simple. It’s been true for all of human history, from Plato to Socrates to Mr. Mistoffelees, and any attempt to rewrite the pillars of Western thought will be met with a hearty “Fuh!” by yours truly. And, trust me, that is not a fate you wish to meet. Now. With regard to my topping preference. I have eaten from your pizzeria in times past, and it must be said: your pepperoni is embarrassingly spicy. Frankly, it boggles the mind. I mean, what kind of drugs are you inhaling over there? Pot?! One bite of that stuff and I had to take a shower. So tread lightly when it comes to spice, my good man. You do not want to see me at my most epic. Like the great white hero of Zack Snyder’s classic film “300,” I will kick you. Onions, peppers—no, thank you. If I wanted veggies, I’d go to a salad bar. I’m not some sort of vegan, Cory Booker weirdo. And your efforts to Michelle Obama-ize the great American pizza pie are, frankly, hilarious. Though not as funny as the impressively named P’Zone—when I finally figured out that genuinely creative pun, I laughed until I cried and peed. A true Spartan admits defeat, and I must admit that, in this instance, your Hut humor slayed me, Dennis Miller style. And, with that, you have earned my order. Congratulations. Ahem. Without further ado, I would like your smallest child pizza, no sauce, extra cheese. Hello? Aha. A hang-up. Another triggered lib, bested by logic. Damn it. I’m fucking starving.
August 2021

Ben Shapiro

Why am I always being put in the friend zone

twitchquotes: Why am I always being put in the friend zone. I'm a nice guy, work a nice job, and would do anything for m'lady. In the end these girls always go after DOUCHEBAG guys who treat them like shit, and only talk to me to cry about it. I'm sick of being considered 'beta' or whatever you call it.
twitch chat
November 2018

Creepy smile

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣩⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣍⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⠉⠄⢸⣿⡿⠉⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⢀⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⡇⠄⠉⠻⣿ ⣿⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣧⠄⠈⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠈⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⣿ ⣿⣄⠄⠄⢸⡿⢿⣷⣶⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⣠⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣶⢸⣄⡠⣌⡉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⠟⠛⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⢀⣆⡇⣶⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⡘⠿⠻⠿⣇⡀⣴⣿⠆⣀⣾⣧⠄⣱⣷⣶⠞⠁⣡⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⠻⣿⣦⡀⠑⠹⠿⠘⠿⣼⡙⡿⢡⣿⠄⠉⠁⣠⣾⢟⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⡛⢿⣷⣤⣀⡀⠐⠌⠱⠉⠄⢀⣠⣴⡾⢋⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⣛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⣋⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
March 2019

"kappa this, kappa that" Does it ever stop?

twitchquotes: "kappa this, kappa that" Does it ever stop? When will this stuff stop being HILARIOUS to people? I mean seriously is there no originality left on this world? Are we all just monkey see monkey do? I don't know about you guys but I'm sick of every time I look up a game, or a forum post, anything really I have to scroll past like 50 of these.
twitch chat
August 2017

I hate Twitch Chat

Text-to-Speech Playing