[Copypasta] you will never be on my intellectual level

twitchquotes: listen until you guys have read fichte, kant, schelling, hegel, goethe, novalis and hamann in the original german, you will never be on my intellectual level, you are plebs who are addicted to reddit and think rick and morty is a deep show, your children will be dysgenic losers and mine will be serious winners and well-educated, they'll probably smack the glasses off your children for fun and then go read homer in the original greek.
twitch chat
August 2020
I used to be a real ad
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I can't fucking believe this. Pink from 'Among Us' ruined my marriage.

I can't fucking believe this. Pink from 'Among Us' ruined my marriage. A couple months ago, my wife said she was going out for a ladies' night. She asked me to take care of my son, so I immediately obliged. "Yes Ma'am," I told her. After a while of waiting, she finally left and I could play my favourite game, Among Us. I hopped on my laptop, booted it up and my desktop loaded, complete with the 'Red Sus' background and all my Among Us Impostor fan-art. I was shaking in excitement. I slowly dragged my finger across the track pad, and watched the cursor as it glided over to the Among Us icon. Among Us. My absolute favourite game of all time and quite possibly the best and most well-made game in the entire world. As I clicked the button my body twitched with joy at the thought of being the impostor again. My fingers drummed impatiently on my desk as the Innersloth logo faded in, and then out. Then the main title appeared. I immediately looked at pink as she slowly floated across the screen. Oh, how I wish I could feel those luscious, soft asscheeks. Pink is my queen. The real woman in my life. My wife could never be as sexy as Pink is; her soft footfalls in electrical as I peek at her curvy form from inside a vent, waiting for the right time to strike. I could never get close to Pink, however, as if she had some kind of sixth sense, she would always leave before I could reveal myself to her as the impostor. I press Practice, to warm up my fingers before my first intense game of Among Us. I hit Blue in Comms, then cross the hall and vent to Specimen, murdering Green in cold blood. The thrill of killing an animated character in an online game has never been such a rush. I then move towards Reactor, stabbing Yellow in the back and then running down the corridor to the right to access Decontamination. I move quietly through the halls, like a snake about to strike its prey, and I see- Oh no. It's Pink. Standing there motionlessly as I face her directly. Her visor shows no emotion. But she knows. I can feel it in the air. I can't kill her. She is too beautiful, too angelic, the light reflecting off of her pink bodysuit, like stars on a voided sky. She doesn't run. I am moved to tears as I caress the screen, kissing it tenderly. "Goodbye, Pink. See you soon. It will all be okay," I whisper in a soft, reassuring voice. Then as my cursor hovers over the kill button, I hesitate. Thoughts of love go through my head. Red having reddish-pink sus children with Pink. But I have to. As the impostor, it is my duty to kill. I press the 'Kill' button and watch as my character beheads Pink silently. All I hear is the spurt of blood. There is no rush. There is only Red, standing by himself in Fuel. Pink's lifeless body laying on the floor beside him. I feel nothing at first, then immense sadness, like I'm at a loved one's funeral. My son knocks on the door, interrupting my brief moment of mourning. He asks, "Dad? Are you going to make me a snack?" I tell him to shut up, and my voice cracks. I break down sobbing. I killed her. I killed my one true love. God, forgive me. I open the door to my son, and he has a confused look on his face. I say nothing, and walk to the kitchen to make him a sandwich. Tears roll off my face into the bread as I lay it onto the counter. Lettuce, cheese and meat, followed by a sad swirl of mustard on top. My son is quiet. He sits on the couch, and stares at the floor. There is a depressing air around us. I serve him the sandwich and walk back to my room, contemplating life. If I killed Pink, how am I to be trusted around my family? I cry for hours, and finally my wife comes back. She sees me bawling on the bed like a child who dropped his ice cream. She then asks me why I'm crying and mutter, "I killed her. I killed my only love, Pink, in Among Us." She is filled with rage and slaps me across my face. I feel numb. She asks for a divorce. I don't reply. Instead, I take my laptop and get into my car, driving to a nearby hotel. Fast forward a few months to the divorce. It was quick and painless. After court, I ask my former wife to take me back. "I can't take you back. You've always been this way. I was sus of you from the start." Edit: Found this on steam, in the Among Us reviews section.
May 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Hippo

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–’โ€ƒโ€ƒโ–’โ–’โ–’โ€ƒโ€ƒโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ€ƒโ€ƒโ–’โ–’โ€ƒโ€ƒโ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆ(โ—)โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–’โ–’โ€ƒโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ€ƒโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–’โ€ƒโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ€ƒโ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–’โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
November 2014

Tesla is restarting production today

twitchquotes: Tesla is restarting production today against Alameda County rules. I will be on the line with everyone else. If anyone is arrested, I ask that it only be me.
twitch chat
May 2020

Brazilian No. 1 Futbol Player Eduardo Pasterinho

twitchquotes: Wแด‡สŸสŸ แดแด‡แด› Kส€ษชแด˜แด˜แด€ส€ษชแด€ษด! Iแด› ษชs I, Bส€แด€แดขษชสŸษชแด€ษด Nแด. 1 า“แดœแด›ส™แดสŸ แด˜สŸแด€สแด‡ส€ Eแด…แดœแด€ส€แด…แด Pแด€sแด›แด‡ส€ษชษดสœแด. Aา“แด›แด‡ส€ แดส แด›แด‡แด€แด ษขแดแด› แดกส€แด‡แด„แด‹แด‡แด… ส™ส แด›สœแด‡ Gแด‡ส€แดแด€ษด แด›ส€สสœแด€ส€แด…s, I า“แด‡แด€ส€ า“แดส€ แดส แดŠแดส™. PสŸs สœแด‡สŸแด˜ ส™ส แด…แดษดแด€แด›ษชษดษข sแด€สŸแด› แดส€ แด›แดแด˜แด…แด‡แด„แด‹ษชษดษข แดส sแด€สŸแด€ส€ส. PสŸs ษดแด แด„แดแด˜แด€ แด˜แด€sแด›แด‡ส€ษชษดสœแด
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

So as a joke, I fucked my friend in a trollface cosplay

So as a joke, I went to my friend's house wearing a trollface mask and black morph suit. I could barely stop my laughter as he went as red as your mother (after I have sexual intercourse with her) and looked at me from head to toe with a bit of drool in his mouth. The way he stared made me feel a bit funny too, but I decided to tease him more by taking off my morph suit. He asked me, "Are you serious?" and I said "Cover yourself in oil." He went silent for what seemed like forever, so I asked him, "You mad bro?" He said he's confused, but then his boner got really hard, which made me take off his clothes. I expected him to scream, "Stop!" as I kissed him and stroked his cock, but he instead shouted "We do a little trolling!" which made me get a boner myself. Before I knew it, I was blowing him for the first time till he came. His semen was so thick, it got stuck inside my throat no matter how hard I swallowed. He then said, "I want to fuck you now!" and seeing that we've already gone that far and we were both naked, I obliged. A few hours later, the jerk went all pale and said to me "Why did we do that? Now I'm not fucking straight." But he still looked so cute all confused like that, so I took pity on him and reassured while wiping his cum off my face, "Let's just pretend I'm still Trollface."
September 2021

NSFW

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