[Copypasta] 69 is so funny

twitchquotes: 69 is so funny. Whenever I hear it, I just burst out laughing. I run out into the living room and grab the Tv remote. I start flicking through the channels. “You guys, it’s so funny, you’ll laugh so hard!” I can barely get it out as I’m laughing so hard, banging the table and snickering while I flick through the TV channels. I finally get to The CW, and the number 69 is on the bottom right-hand corner of the screen! My family and friends who were over all stand up in tremendous applause, and my wife and children come back from upstate to be with my comedic genius!
twitch chat
April 2020
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joe biden said he was the impostor

I 👁 met joe biden at 👸💦 3 🎆🕑 am 👏 he said 💬🖕 he was the 🐄🤛 impostor guys ♂ should 👌👫 i 👆 believe 🏻 him 👨😩 im 🏼 soo scared ❌ i dont 😡 know 🤔❓ what to 👁🚶 do 👌 help 💁 me 💋 out. 🤔
July 2021

Emoji Pasta

Infinite poop

twitchquotes: Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.
twitch chat
June 2019

Classic

“Ratio” shut up. Shut the fuck up

“Ratio” shut up. Shut the fuck up. Nobody cares! You’re gonna get the negative side of this ratio that you so care about. Shut the fuck up. I thought Reddit was bad enough but now it’s borrowing from Twitter. Nobody gives a shit about the like ratio, nobody gives a shit about your retarded comment. Take my advice and shut the fuck up!
July 2021

Oh so I’m a simp?

twitchquotes: Oh so I’m a simp? Complimenting women on Twitter makes me a simp? Supporting woman with a $99.99 subscription to her onlyfans makes me a simp? Visiting her and getting arrested makes me a simp? You’re right. It does make me a simp. (S)uper (I)ncredible (M)an (P)
twitch chat
April 2020

Simps

moon2A emote

⣿⡇⣰⣶⣶⣭⠻⣏⠁⠀⠀⣠⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⡇⣿⡀⠀⢹⣧⣿⠀⠀⣴⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠟⢿⣝⠷⣶⡾⣿⡟⢀⡾⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣀⡀⠉⠛⠶⢟⣫⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⠿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⠾⠛⢻⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣶⠿⠗⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣾⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣝⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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August 2021
MOONMOON
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