[Copypasta] 69 is so funny

twitchquotes: 69 is so funny. Whenever I hear it, I just burst out laughing. I run out into the living room and grab the Tv remote. I start flicking through the channels. “You guys, it’s so funny, you’ll laugh so hard!” I can barely get it out as I’m laughing so hard, banging the table and snickering while I flick through the TV channels. I finally get to The CW, and the number 69 is on the bottom right-hand corner of the screen! My family and friends who were over all stand up in tremendous applause, and my wife and children come back from upstate to be with my comedic genius!
twitch chat
April 2020
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

Story about the Romanian Kripparrian

twitchquotes: Here's the story about the Romanian Kripparrian. Born to a Momarrian and Paparrian. Lived in Canadarrian for some timerrian but is engaged to a womanarrian in Greecerrian. Rainarrian has absorbed Kripparrian and will one day make many babyarrians. Kripparrian and the familyarrian lived happy ever afterarrian. Please no copy pasterrian.
twitch chat
February 2015
Kripp

Big dick

ascii art
December 2020

NSFW

Summon The Hydra

Let's get one thing about me "straight" up-front

twitchquotes: Let's get one thing about me "straight" up-front. When it comes to sexuality, I'm about as hetero as they come. If a gay guy came on to me, I'd be like, "No way, bro. I'm a straight-up party boy who's into chicks." Yup, one gay dude wouldn't stand a chance. It would take at least four or five gay guys strapping me down to make it inside me. Sorry, fellas, that's just how straight I am. And even then I wouldn't make it easy. I'd be like, "Hey look! There goes George Michael!" And they'd all shriek "Where?!" at once, and I'd make a break for it, and they'd be like, "He's getting away! Chase him! I want his butt!" But I wouldn't just give them my butt. They'd have to take it. And once they got me strapped down, I'd stop fighting it because that would be giving them what they want. And I don't want them to enjoy it. If anyone's going to enjoy it, it's going to be me. So, I'd just relax into it and taunt them by telling them how ripped and sexy I find them and letting them know how much I'm enjoying myself. So, even though I'd have a bunch of ripped guys all taking turns on my butt, I'd still be enjoying it. But only because I forced myself to. It's not like I could fight these guys off. There are too many of them and they want me too much. What am I, Chuck Norris?" I'm not against homosexuality, though. I say to each his own. You're free to do whatever you want.
twitch chat
February 2020

KappaPride

Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon

twitchquotes: Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon into my anus because the local shops had run out of apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter, breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so I tried to shit it back out.This is where things got confusing because rather than a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of me find the melon anywhere.I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into apricots. Further experimentation will be required of course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.
twitch chat
April 2019
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing