[Copypasta] Don't pretend to be entitled to financial compensation...

Don't👏 pretend👏 to 👏be 👏entitled👏 to👏 financial👏 compensation👏 if 👏you 👏or👏 a👏 loved 👏one 👏hasn't👏 even 👏been 👏diagnosed👏 with 👏mesothelioma
February 2020
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Rick Astley paradox

twitchquotes: If you ask Rick Astley for a DVD of the movie Up, he won’t give it to you because he’s never gonna give you Up. However, by not giving you Up like you asked for it, he’s letting you down. This is known as the Astley paradox.
twitch chat
June 2020

Classic

Creepy frontal pepe smile

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣟⠟⠉⠋⠉⠛⠛⠻⢿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠹⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠟⠁⠀⢀⡤⠖⠒⠛⠛⠒⠒⠲⠤⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⡔⣁⡤⠖⠒⠛⠛⠛⠛⠒⠒⠤⣉⠳⣆⣠⠞⢉⣁⡤⠤⠤⠤⣀⣀⡉⠛⢶⣄⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡅⠀⠀⢸⠏⠁⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⣼⡧⠞⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠓⠦⣙⢦⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿ ⡏⡇⠀⠀⡎⠀⠀⢀⣾⣟⢙⣿⠿⢿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⢸⠁⠀⠀⢠⣴⡾⣿⡿⢻⣷⣦⡀⠀⠈⢻⡇⠀⠐⠛⣿ ⠟⠁⠀⠀⢱⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣧⣀⣠⣿⣿⠄⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⢠⣿⣇⣀⣼⣷⣾⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⢠⠃⠀⠈⠛⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⣠⣾⣆⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢀⡴⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙ ⣰⠞⠛⠲⢄⡀⠀⠉⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠶⠖⠚⠁⠀⠙⠷⣌⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⣀⡤⢤⡀ ⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠢⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠴⠛⠁⠀⠀⢻ ⠹⣇⠀⢳⣄⡀⠀⠈⠙⠦⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⠖⠋⠀⠀⣀⣤⠀⠀⡼ ⠀⠘⣦⠀⠹⣍⠒⠤⣀⡀⠀⠉⠓⠶⠤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⠤⠴⠖⠛⠉⠀⣀⠤⠒⢉⡴⠁⢀⠞⠁ ⠄⠀⠈⠳⣄⠈⠓⢤⡀⠉⠁⠒⠤⢤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⡠⠤⠒⠉⢁⣠⠖⠁⢀⡴⠋⠀⢀ ⣯⣆⠀⠀⠈⠳⢤⣀⠙⠲⢤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⢀⣀⠴⠒⠉⢀⣤⠞⠁⠀⠀⠠⣾ ⣿⣿⣧⣄⠀⠀⠀⠉⠓⠦⣄⣀⠉⠙⠒⠒⠲⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠔⠒⠒⠋⠉⣀⣠⠴⠚⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡦⣶⠤⣤⣀⡀⠈⠙⠓⠒⠶⠤⠤⠤⣤⠤⠤⠤⠴⠶⠖⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⢀⣀⠤⠶⣶⣴⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠁⠒⠒⠒⠶⠦⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠴⠶⠖⠒⠊⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2021

Pepe

Comedy God has entered the building: Attack Helicopter

I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter WEE WOO WEE WOO ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER! steps on stage Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!" Comedy God: "Heh..." adjusts fedora the building is filled with fear and anticipation God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense comedy god clears throat everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard world leaders look and wait with dread everything in the world stops nothing is happening comedy god smirks no one is prepared for what is going to happen comedy god musters all of this power he bellows out to the world "ATTACK" absolute suspense everyone is filled with overwhelming dread "HELICOPTER" all at once, absolute pandemonium commences all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once giant brawls start 43 wars are declared simultaneously a shockwave travels around the earth earth is driven into chaos humanity is regressed back to the stone age the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did people who aren't killed die from laughter literally the funniest joke in the world then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
August 2021

Classic

I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021

Never buy a keyboard off a chinese bidding website

twitchquotes: ᴺᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵇᵘʸ ᵃ ᵏᵉʸᵇᵒᵃʳᵈ ᵒᶠᶠ ᵒᶠ ᵃ ᶜʰᶦᶰᵉˢᵉ ᵇᶦᵈᵈᶦᶰᵍ ʷᵉᵇˢᶦᵗᵉ
twitch chat
November 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing