[Copypasta] Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

twitchquotes: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way. He just ran out of thyme. Here today, gone tomato. His wife is still upset, cheese still not over it. We never sausage a tragedy coming. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There’s just not mushroom for Italian chefs in today’s world. Want to know what the rough parts of Italy are called? The spaghetto. Don’t call yourself Italian if you weren’t baptized in marinara sauce. You are literally too stupid to insult.
twitch chat
November 2019
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Shane Dawson tweet - i didnt fuck my cat

i didnt fuck my cat. i didnt cum on my cat. i didnt put my dick anywhere near my cat. Ive never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself i wasnt going to make apology videos after last years thing so im just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible. (1/?)
March 2019

Classic

Travis Scott Burger

I have a theory about the Travis Scott burger. I think it’s a sham. It’s all a multi million dollar misinformation campaign. McDonalds has been hurting for a new supply of beef due to the Covid 19 pandemic. With all of the meat processing plant closures, they had to look elsewhere to get their precious beef for the ever so hungry American. They needed a new supplier. This has to be nobody other than Travis Scott. You see, since marrying Kylie Jenner, he had access to all of her cosmetic company’s animal testing plants. It was easy for Travis to get ahold of meat... it was too easy. Travis knew McDonalds was desperate for new meat, so he struck while the iron was hot. Through a swift negotiation, he had the multi billion dollars corporation by the balls, the sweet sweet balls. Travis agreed to supply them with the meat, only he lead them to believe it was coming from cows when in reality he was harvesting the animals from the animal cosmetic testing lab. In exchange, he got his name on the McDonalds menu. All for what? Now you may be wondering how I came across this info. And you may be wondering who sent you this information. It was Cactus Jack. Cactus Jack sent this info.
October 2020

Times change...

twitchquotes: Laying on the ground, devastated by the news my beloved Kripp has joined TSM, a hooded figure approaches, kneels down, grabs me by the shoulder. “This was not his destiny.” I said, holding back the tears. I look up, the stranger removes his hood and looks me in the eye, “Times Change…” says Trump, as he pushes me to the ground. This wasn’t supposed to happen. BibleThump
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

amongE

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⣀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠄⣾⣬⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣆⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢀⣞⡉⢩⣙⣿⡿⠉⠄⣠⣤⠤⠉⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⣼⣿⣿⣯⣿⣿⠁⢰⣾⣦⡤⠄⢀⣶⡀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⢸⣿⣿⡟⠛⠃⡠⠄⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣄⣘⣿⣿⠁⡀⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣉⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣼⣿⣁⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠙⠋⠹⠟⠁⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⢠⣤⣤⣤⣤⠈⢿⣿⣷⣦⣄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠋⣀⣤⣄⣠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣧⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⢸⠿⠛⠉⣁⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣷⣄⣉⠉⠉⢉⣉⣉⣁⣤⣾⡏⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣈⠙⠛⠛⠟⠛⠛⢉⣁⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
April 2021
Forsen

Among Us / Amogus

Emote

I am a concerned mother with a 13 year old child (among us)

I am a concerned mother with a 13 year old child and I am here to seek help regarding my son. Last week when we went to the supermarket, my son pointed to a red trash can and started jumping around screaming “THAT’S AMONG US! THAT TRASH CAN IS SUS! RED IS THE IMPOSTOR!” As soon as he did that, the manager told us to leave. I told him that my son is just excited about something, and apologised. But the manager still told us to leave so I picked up the red trash can that my son was going crazy over and threw it on the managers head. Then my son shouted “DEAD BODY REPORTED.” Can someone please tell me what on earth is wrong with him?
February 2021

Among Us / Amogus

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