twitchquotes:
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way. He just ran out of thyme. Here today, gone tomato. His wife is still upset, cheese still not over it. We never sausage a tragedy coming. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There’s just not mushroom for Italian chefs in today’s world. Want to know what the rough parts of Italy are called? The spaghetto. Don’t call yourself Italian if you weren’t baptized in marinara sauce. You are literally too stupid to insult.
twitch chat
let me take this hat off 
dear me my hair! 
this is worse! 
Asked for two beefy cholos at taco bell, I'm so embarrassed, I thought it was a menu item, instead two chefs came out from the back and massaged my prostate