[Copypasta] Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

twitchquotes: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way. He just ran out of thyme. Here today, gone tomato. His wife is still upset, cheese still not over it. We never sausage a tragedy coming. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There’s just not mushroom for Italian chefs in today’s world. Want to know what the rough parts of Italy are called? The spaghetto. Don’t call yourself Italian if you weren’t baptized in marinara sauce. You are literally too stupid to insult.
twitch chat
November 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Doesn't mean I'm a virgin

twitchquotes: 😑 Just because I watch Kripp 😑 doesn't mean I'm a virgin 😑 It's just a coincidence 😑
twitch chat
August 2018
Kripp

RIP Joe the Spider

I know this is really stupid but I’m sad about it. Yesterday I had a friend come over. I’m a girl who lives alone so I guess some β€œdude” stuff hasn’t been done around the house. Context: I have a spider named joe. He’s a dandy long leg. He’s been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust. Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said β€œyou’re welcome”. I’m super confused. So I ask β€œfor what?” He says β€œI just killed a big ass spider for you”. I couldn’t even contain myself. I just yelled β€œYOU KILLED JOE?!” And started tearing up. I didn’t tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy. My friend was distraught. He’s a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house. I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joe’s trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure. RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
May 2022

Mutant Seagull

ascii art
April 2017

This scallywag's deck be kookoo bananas!

twitchquotes: ΰ­§ΰΌΌΰ² η›Šβ–€ ΰΌ½ΰ­¨ β€œThis scallywag's deck be kookoo bananas!” β˜‘ β€œMe deck can nae scourge tis deck!” β˜‘ β€œThis swab needed precisely them cards to send me deck to Davey Jones’ locker.” β˜‘ β€œHe top-pillaged th' only card on the high seas that could best me.” β˜‘ β€œThar was naught I could do.” β˜‘ β€œI weathered that perfectly” β˜‘ ΰ­§ΰΌΌΰ² η›Šβ–€ ΰΌ½ΰ­¨
twitch chat
January 2015

Hearthstone

This Copypasta Is CRAZY!

Hey, Vsauce, Michael here!

Hey, Vsauce, Michael here! Down here. But which way is down? And how much does down weigh? Well, down weighs about 1/100 of a g/cm3 . It is light, and airy, which makes it a great source of insulation and buoyancy for waterbirds. But if you let go of down, it falls down. So that's which way down is, it's the direction that gravity is pulling everything. Now for someone on the other side of the Earth, my down is their up, but where are falling things going? Why do things fall? Are they being pushed or pulled? Or, is it because of TIME TRAVEL.
March 2020
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