[Copypasta] Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

twitchquotes: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way. He just ran out of thyme. Here today, gone tomato. His wife is still upset, cheese still not over it. We never sausage a tragedy coming. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There鈥檚 just not mushroom for Italian chefs in today鈥檚 world. Want to know what the rough parts of Italy are called? The spaghetto. Don鈥檛 call yourself Italian if you weren鈥檛 baptized in marinara sauce. You are literally too stupid to insult.
twitch chat
November 2019
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Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass

I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass. I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me. The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
July 2022

Confessions

Dat Boi isn't so great?

twitchquotes: Dat Boi isn't so great? Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw a meme with such hilarity and re-usability online? Dat Boi puts the memes in another level, and we will be blessed if we ever see a meme of it's caliber and passion for the memes again. Pepe breaks records. Le toucan breaks records. Dat boi breaks the rules. You can keep your copypastas. I prefer the frog
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September 2016

can you say something fun so that i can LOL

twitchquotes: hey @imaqtpie ! can you say something fun so that i can LOL (laugh out loud)! Thanks in advance :D
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June 2019
imaqtpie

Donging through the snow

twitchquotes: 釙曕技嗪堎勍溹簣嗉结晽 Donging through the snow 釙曕技嗪堎勍溹簣嗉结晽 釙曕技嗪堎勍溹簣嗉结晽 In a one dong open sleigh 釙曕技嗪堎勍溹簣嗉结晽 over the dongs we go 釙曕技嗪堎勍溹簣嗉结晽 donging all the way 釙曕技嗪堎勍溹簣嗉结晽
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December 2014
Forsen

Colossal amount of educational content

twitchquotes: What is this painful experience you鈥檙e inflicting upon us, Michael "Imaqtpie" Santana? I personally am not attending to this League of Legends stream to be witness to this truly horrendous game known as the 芦Dark Dungeons". I came for magnificent memes, incredibly pleasurable Skyrim questing, and exciting League of Legends games with a colossal amount of educational content.
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April 2015
imaqtpie

League of Legends

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