[Copypasta] Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

twitchquotes: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way. He just ran out of thyme. Here today, gone tomato. His wife is still upset, cheese still not over it. We never sausage a tragedy coming. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There’s just not mushroom for Italian chefs in today’s world. Want to know what the rough parts of Italy are called? The spaghetto. Don’t call yourself Italian if you weren’t baptized in marinara sauce. You are literally too stupid to insult.
twitch chat
November 2019
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More Copypastas

Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub

Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
December 2020

Alright, rogue I guess

twitchquotes: ResidentSleeper "Alright, rogue, I guess" ResidentSleeper "Haven't picked mage in a while, let's go mage ResidentSleeper "Paladin isn't that good, but alright" ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
May 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

Hello this is Dan from the next room over

twitchquotes: Hello this is Dan from the next room over. Can you be quiet for 2 minutes it's almost 2am and I can still hear you. I have had a hard day doing REAL work for 13 hours and all I want is a bit of peace and quiet. LOL just kidding it's Tanner from highschool again, enjoy playing your kids games while I'm hanging out with Becca. We're watching re-runs of that time you lost that video game tournament. Peace out!
twitch chat
June 2019

Tanner from High School

Bible Passages

twitchquotes: Hey Imaqtpie, don't get my wrong buddy I love all of these funny meme games during queue but I have a new idea. I would love us all to read some bible passages during queue times! Thanks and god bless!
twitch chat
November 2014
imaqtpie

Dance party

β–‘β–‘β”Œβ”€β”€β”β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β”Œβ”€β”€β”β–‘β–‘ β–‘β•”β•‘β–β–β•žβ•β–‘β–‘β”Œβ”€β”€β”β–‘β–‘β•”β•‘β–β–β•žβ•β–‘ β–‘β–‘β””β•₯β•₯β”˜β–‘β–‘β•šβ•‘β–Œβ–Œβ•žβ•—β–‘β–‘β””β•₯β•₯β”˜β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β•šβ•šβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β””β•₯β•₯β”˜β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β•šβ•šβ–‘β–‘β–‘ ░░░░░░░░░░╝╝░░░ DANCE PARTY β–‘β–‘β”Œβ”€β”€β”β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β”Œβ”€β”€β”β–‘β–‘ β–‘β•”β•‘XXβ•žβ•β–‘β–‘β”Œβ”€β”€β”β–‘β–‘β•”β•‘XXβ•žβ•β–‘ β–‘β–‘β””β•₯β•₯β”˜β–‘β–‘β•šβ•‘XXβ•žβ•—β–‘β–‘β””β•₯β•₯β”˜β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β•šβ•šβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β””β•₯β•₯β”˜β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β•šβ•šβ–‘β–‘β–‘ ░░░░░░░░░░╝╝░░░░░░░░░░
November 2014
Text-to-Speech Playing