twitchquotes:
How come when batman dons a suit of armor and beats up mentally ill clowns its "Heroic" but when I do it I'm "Committing manslaughter" and I'm "Not allowed in McDonalds again"
twitch chat
(βΜΏΔΉΜ―ββ¬β΄β¬β΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Amazed Face
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Anime girl 2
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Weebs
a tesla drives down the street in 2021
the year is 2021
A tesla drives down the street
unknowing of the danger behind it
a beast of American metal and lightning
The driver realizes he is in danger in his commie-fornia shoebox
He presses the pussy pedal as hard as he can
It cannot save him, he can hear the music already
"THIS IS GAWWWWWD'S COUNTRRRRRYYYYYYY"
He realizes he is already dead
In an instant he becomes like a fly in the grill of a truck
In the grill of the Ford F-150 EV
It stops for no one
WallStreetBets
Apparently I "ruined" Thanksgiving dinner
twitchquotes:
Apparently I "ruined" Thanksgiving dinner by bringing my girlfriend Asuka. My mum didn't care that she was a giat robot pilot, tasked with protecting the world after the Second Impact. She insisted that Asuka isn't real and now we're banned from the local country club. Anyways, my mum says if I don't bring a "real" girl to our Christmas dinner I'm going to get kicked out of the house!!! Asuka sets the bar pretty high but if you think you can compete with her please message me 
twitch chat
Weebs
Trolling My Dad's Office with Among Us (Office Series Part 6, Finale Part 3)
The other day, it was βtake your kid to work dayβ at my dadβs job. It was really epic and poggers because I got to skip school for it. As we were walking in, I couldnβt help but notice that the company logo roughly resembled a crewmate from the popular game, Among Us. I asked my father, βIs this the Among Us but real??β My dad replied βNo, son, this is the Pepsico corporate office.β
As we entered the building, my dad said βSon, I have a lot of work to do today. You can hang out with the other kids or play on your phone, just please stay on this floor.β He then entered the elevator and left. I turned to the other kids (who were all playing on their phones) and said βDoes anyone wanna play some Among Us?β However, no one else wanted to play. I was getting bored, so I decided to explore around a little bit. I walked into the elevator and pressed the button for the top floor.As the elevator door opened, I saw what appeared to be a long hallway. As I was walking down it, I found a door that was labeled βExecutive Meeting Roomβ. The door was unlocked, so I walked in and there were about 15 people in suits and ties around a table. They all looked up at me in confusion. One of them asked me βHey buddy, are you lost?β I noticed that his nametag read βHugh Johnson, CFOβ. βDoes CFO stand for Chungus Fortnite Officer?β, I asked. βNo, it does not. And where is your parent? Go back to the bottom floor young man!β He was yelling at me. So I said βYouβre sus. I should eject you, Hugh Johnson. Do you have aβ¦ HUGE JOHNSON?! Thatβs funny like Big Chungus, which is the Bugs Bunny from Looney Tunes but a big rabbit!β I laughed. Everyone was looking up at me in shock when I said βWanna play some Among Us guys?β
The CEO, a very sexy woman, ooga booga awooga, said βYoung man, go back to the first floor now!β But the sexy woman I just couldnβt listen to as I admired her. βNo, because you have big tits.β Her jaw dropped, and she said, βYoung man, this is an important meeting. Get the fuck out!β She then used the intercom to call security. Coming to the realization that I was running out of time, I pulled down my pants to show everyone my Among Us underwear. I jumped up onto the meeting table and started twerking (to make sure everyone saw my among us underwear I got for Christmas) and said βDo you like what you see?β Everyone was yelling at me to get out as I was twerking. βIβm so hot~~~~β I said. The yelling got louder. I ran out of the door and closed it, hoping that security wouldnβt find me. I quickly ran into the elevator and went down.