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(āĢæĹĢÆāā¬ā“ā¬ā“ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Send nudes but fancy
Pardon me Madam, but I was curious as to what you look like under those tasteful fabrics you are wearing. Perhaps you would do me the honor of removing them and photographing your perfect skin so I can gaze upon your beauty?
RIP Joe the Spider
I know this is really stupid but Iām sad about it.
Yesterday I had a friend come over. Iām a girl who lives alone so I guess some ādudeā stuff hasnāt been done around the house.
Context: I have a spider named joe. Heās a dandy long leg. Heās been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust.
Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said āyouāre welcomeā. Iām super confused. So I ask āfor what?ā He says āI just killed a big ass spider for youā.
I couldnāt even contain myself. I just yelled āYOU KILLED JOE?!ā And started tearing up. I didnāt tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy.
My friend was distraught. Heās a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house.
I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joeās trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure.
RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
Slap Chop commercial script
Now that I have your attention let me show you this handy new kitchen tool, the Slap Chop! Youāre going to be in a great mood all day, because youāre going be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop. Now, look hereās a potato. One slap you got big chunks for stew, two slaps home fries in a second. And, look at this when you add a mushroom: the more you do it, the finer it gets you donāt have to switch any blades.
Now, you love salad -- you hate making it. You know you hate making salads -- thatās why you donāt have any salad in your diet. Watch this one slap... salad! I love Pizza too, but once in a while get the veggies in, at least throw it on top of the pizza.
Youāre going to change your eating habits. Soup, Coleslaw, stuff we want, 5 seconds. 4 or 5 seconds, it's done. This thing, this tuna looks boring. Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life. Add this tuna putting it in like this now youāre going to have a nice, tuna, salad. Look at this youāre going to have an exciting life now.
Look hereās a hard boiled egg. One chop, you add the pickle; you add the green onion. And what you can do is mix things together add the ham and youāre going to love this. You donāt have time to make breakfast, breakfast to go.
Youāre going to love my nuts. Watch this: almonds, walnuts. Comes with a cover so you can do everything in the cover. Alright, or you can do it on the board, whatever you like. So easy, one finger, if I can do it with one finger you guys can do it with your whole hand. Kids can do it. You know what they charge at the ice cream store? A dollar for toppings at the ice cream store. Add a couple cookies if you want. So, you can make it for 10 cents. Stop throwing your money away. You know not only nuts what about fruit? Put a mango, look at that isnāt that beautiful on your ice cream.
0-10 IN GROUPS, FASTEST INTERNATIONAL B05
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KEKW 0-10 IN GROUPS KEKW FASTEST INTERNATIONAL B05 LOSS TO EU KEKW NEVER WON WORLDS KEKW NEVER WON MSI KEKW IRRELEVANT SINCE S1 KEKW OBSESSED WITH EU KEKW 0 TEAMS OUT OF GROUPS KEKW TSM XD KEKW NA 
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EU vs NA
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Wow great game!! 
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