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i peed white 
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what do you say when you come? murk durgle
About 5 years ago I was making a character on an RPG and my ex girlfriend was sitting next to me talking to me and asking me questions about my game. I had a dwarf and dreamed up the name Murk Durgle. My ex hated that name and said it felt gross, like the word moist.
I shrugged it off. We went about our day and after putting the kids to bed we started having sex. She tells me she's about to come and I bellow out "MUUUURRRKKKK DUUUURGLE" and she punches me in the chest and yelled at me "what the fuck dude?! You fucking murk durgled me?! Give me my vibrator and get the fuck out"
Then I sat out in the kitchen laughing for a few minutes
I can no longer resist the pizza
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I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
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Kripp
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⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⡀
⠀⢠⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠈⢹⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣇⠀⣠⣿⣿⠟⣽⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿
⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⡿⠃⢹⣿⣿⣶⣿⡿⠋⢰⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⣠⣼⣿⣿⠏
⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠁⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣸⣟⣁⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⣠⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣻⡟⣻⣿⢻⣿⡟⣛⢻⣿⡟⣛⣿⡿⣛⣛⢻⣿⣿⣶⣦⣄⡀⠀
⠉⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⠷⣼⣿⣿⣼⣿⣧⣭⣼⣿⣧⣭⣿⣿⣬⡭⠾⠿⠿⠿⠛⠉⠀
Kappa salute
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All hail Kripparrian of the House TSM
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ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ Hear, hear. All hail Kripparrian of the House TSM, the First of His Name, The One With No Life, King of Wraeclast, Prince of the Docks, Papparrian of the First Men, Emperor of the Great Sarn Sea, Breaker of DeSync, and Father of Cattarian, RIP, First and Last of His Name. ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ
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Kripp