[Copypasta] Muffins the dog in love with cats

Moderation is one of the most useful jobs to society (Reddit moderator goes off)

I'm seeing many bigoted comments down there so I just want to make this clear : any hate towards moderators will result in a permanent ban from this subreddit with no warning. This includes, but is not limited to, calling moderation a "fake job" or saying that we "do it for free". Moderation is one of the most useful jobs to society. Behave. Or get banned.

December 2021

MODS

I, an atheist, accidentally said “oh my g*d” instead of “oh my science”

I, an atheist, accidentally said “oh my g*d” instead of “oh my science” You read the title, I just cannot believe I said the “g” word on accident. Am I even an atheist anymore? I don’t like religion or anything but like maybe it infiltrated me and is manipulating me to say “oh my g*d” instead of “oh my science”. Please guys it wasn’t me, I didn’t mean it. I’m very disappointed in myself, I think I need to go to science camp or go to therapy. What if I’m secretly religious? what should I do? Is my foreskin going to fall off?? Please can someone give me advice, any advice is appreciated. Best regards, -an atheist(?)

November 2020

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.

January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

TriHard

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ascii art

November 2014

DONALD TRUMP NUDES

twitchquotes: IF 🇺🇸 YOU 🇺🇸 SEE 🇺🇸 A LINK 🇺🇸 THAT 🇺🇸 SAYS 🇺🇸 DONALD 🇺🇸 TRUMP 🇺🇸 NUDES 🇺🇸 DON’T 🇺🇸 CLICK 🇺🇸 ITS 🇺🇸 A 🇺🇸 VIRUS 🇺🇸 THAT 🇺🇸 PUTS 🇺🇸 AMERICAN 🇺🇸 FLAGS 🇺🇸 BETWEEN 🇺🇸 EVERY 🇺🇸 WORD 🇺🇸 YOU 🇺🇸 TYPE

twitch chat

October 2020

[Copypasta] Muffins the dog in love with cats

Moderation is one of the most useful jobs to society (Reddit moderator goes off)

Reddit

MODS

I, an atheist, accidentally said “oh my g*d” instead of “oh my science”

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

Classic

WallStreetBets

TriHard

DONALD TRUMP NUDES

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