[Copypasta] Spam so I may stay warm

twitchquotes: Hello chat. My home is very cold and I do not know if I will make it through the night. Whenever the chat spams, my old laptop heats up very quickly. It is the only thing keeping me alive. Please chat, spam as much as possible so I may stay warm and survive the frigid night.
twitch chat
June 2019
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Lord Microsoft

10:43 PM, Microsoft Tower, Washington. A figure stands in shadow, red lights from the theistic ceiling flood the spacious hall. Along the sides, hallmark pieces of technology are proudly displayed on golden pedestals. The Xbox, Windows, Hololens; At the center of it all, the vaccine. "Microsoft Microbe Covid-19" the label on the syringe reads. A glowing substance can be seen sitting still inside. Monitors flicker to life at the end of the hall, each one showing the point of view of an innocent civilian. The light draws a silhouette of a man. His body, frail. His skin is leathery and rugged. Breathing apparatus cover his face, a cold green mist slowly spewing out. The grand door opens, humanoids armed with weapons drag an unkempt and furious man towards the being in shadow. They throw him to the floor, spit slathering the ground. "This is the last one?" the figure asks. "Yes, Lord Microsoft. all 4,607,423,673 other citizens have been accounted for." The rugged man looks upwards, his face bloodied and bruised. His eyes meet Lord Microsoft's. Puffed from tears, his eyes can only show one emotion: anger. "Bill Gates, you piece of shit. I swore to Samantha that if I ever-" "Silence, creature!" Lord Microsoft slaps him with the back of his hand. "I am lord Microsoft, and you will refer to me as such!" The guards grab the man, hoisting him up. "Now, let us delay no further. It has taken me years to get to this point, and I will not have my victory denied!" Lord Microsoft grabs the vaccine and primes it for injection. "Such a small thing, isn't it? Yet, it has afforded me the right to dominate all life on Earth. Covid was a blessing, not a curse." The man's eyes widened, he screams in retaliation, but the guards shut his mouth with force. Lord Microsoft pierces his flesh with the needle. A flourescent orange liquid can be seen coursing through his veins. He falls to the floor, his muscles tightening and constricting in unnatural fashion. His eyes bulge from his skull and he shouts in pain. He slumps over, and in only a moment he comes back to his feet. His pupils dilated and his skin, pale. "How may I serve you, my lord."
August 2021

COVID

Coronavirus

This is Morde’s mom

twitchquotes: Hi David, this is Morde’s mom. I noticed you haven’t been picking my son for your team in gym class. Morde has been having a really tough time since his dad and I split up, and it doesn’t make it easy on him when you reroll and say, β€žWe’re never taking Morde.β€œ I think you should take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and think how it would feel if someone said that about you. Morde has phantom synergy, knight synergy, and he can hit 2 units! Why don’t you try being a bit more inclusive?
twitch chat
July 2019
dogdog

Teamfight Tactics

Is that insider trading?

If you're a passenger on a newly recertified 737MAX and it starts to nosedive into the sea so you buy shitloads of BA puts over WiFi before impact, is that insider trading?
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Among Us is ruining my fucking life

I can't fucking take it any more. Among Us has singlehandedly ruined my life. The other day my teacher was teaching us Greek Mythology and he mentioned a pegasus and I immediately thought 'Pegasus? more like Mega Sus!!!!' and I've never wanted to kms more. I can't look at a vent without breaking down and fucking crying. I can't eat pasta without thinking 'IMPASTA??? THATS PRETTY SUS!!!!' Skit 4 by Kanye West. The lyrics ruined me. A Mongoose, or the 25th island of greece. The scientific name for pig. I can't fucking take it anymore. Please fucking end my suffering.
August 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Classic

TriHard

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–„β–“β–“β–ˆβ–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–„β–‘ β–€β–ˆβ–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–Œ β–‘β–“β–ˆβ–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œ β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–Œβ–’β–„β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–β–’β–‘β–’β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–“β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ ░░░░▐▒▒▒▒▒▄▄▐░░▐░░░░ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–„β–“β–“β–’β–“β–„β–’β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–“β–β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–’β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–Œβ–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
November 2014
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