[Copypasta] Stop getting played like a fiddle, chat!

twitchquotes: Oh my god, why do you losers care so much about these streamers and emotes and bits and stuff? You act like streamers are close friends of yours or something, but they're just manipulating you to give them money and attention. Stop getting played like a fiddle, chat! Go out and live your own damn life instead of watching someone else play video games while copy and pasting pointless blocks of text!
twitch chat
May 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
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some times i supper glue my thumbs

twitchquotes: some times i supper glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend im a t rex
twitch chat
June 2018

Classic

I hate, hate, hate coffee culture

I hate, hate, hate coffee culture. I can't stand people saying, "Oh, I can't do anything until I get a warm cup of coffee in me." Shut up. Being a former smoker, I recognize the addiction and subsequent irritability of coffee drinkers and it bugs me to no end that caffeine gets glossed over as an addictive substance, or even fucking celebrated to some extent. Those people who brag about needing 5 expresso shots (sorry, esssspresso) a day need an intervention, not a nod of approval. Seriously, all you coffee drinkers are the biggest group of fucking enablers I've ever seen. When doing group activities, like camping, I loathe waiting for others to start their day after a morning ritual that hogs counter space, or propane, or dirties good clean water. I hate the sleepy look in peoples' eyes as they grasp their cup of stimulant that they wouldn't need had they never started drinking it in the first place. There's an entire fucking cupboard in my kitchen dedicated to stupid coffee mugs and their dumb sayings staring back at me despite living in a household where only one person drinks coffee. Why? And the dishes. Since nearly every person drinks coffee, inevitably us non-coffee drinkers are going to have to clean up after your morning fix. Seriously, I've done so many goddamned cleanings of coffee mugs if I had a dime for every one, I'd probably have enough for a Starbucks franchise. And don't even get me started on Starbucks. Godamned devil business slanging legal crack for decades, hogging good real estate so addicts have a place to slurp up and get their morning shit in before work. Lastly, I despise the amalgam of ways people cook up their black powder and then talk up the flavor as though it tastes like something other than a dirty sock. That's your addiction speaking. You want to know why you need to dump half an udder of cream in your cup? It's because cream is fucking delicious and when combined with your filthy water, makes it somewhat bearable. And your stupid machines that creak and groan through the quietude of my morning can go fuck themselves. Talk about a waste of counter-space. And the spent black stimulant granules that spill over onto the counter, staining the grout drives me nuts. And lastly, the goddamned keurig cups or whatever they're called are one of humanity's worst inventions, sandwiched between Glyphosate and Joe Rogan. At least the meth addicts don't deposit a plastic remnant that will persist in landfills for hundreds of years spreading micro-plastics into our environment every time they need to get high.
September 2021

Shitting Toothpaste Amogus

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠻⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠃⣠⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣤⣈⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⢰⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣶⠀⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣶⡀⠹⣿⣿⡇⢀⣶⣶⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠃⣼⣿⣷⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠃⣀⣿⣿⣧⠀⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⠃⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⡟⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠐⠋⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠤⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠙⠃⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⢠⡆⠀⠀⠐⣶⠀⢠⣦⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠛⠛⠀⣠⡇⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⡟⠁⢰⡟⠀⠾⠿⠛⠀⠀⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠘⠀⠾⣿⣧⣤⣤⣶⡶⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢀⠉⠉⠁⢲⣦⣤⡄⢹⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣉⠉⠁⢠⠀⠐⠀⠌⠙⠛⠛⠋⠀⠀⣈⣉⣁⣀⣄⠈⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⠟⢁⣼⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣾⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
June 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Imaqtpie takes a break from the stream

twitchquotes: "Alright we fuckin lost," Michael says. "I'm gonna go piss." He turns down the volume on his microphone, and immediately bites Small Cat's vulnerable tail. As Small Cat yelps loudly in pain, Michael overturns the nearest chair, yelling "SMAKET I LOST" as loudly as he can. Lisha tries to calm him down, but Michael swiftly bodyslams her onto a glass coffee table. After taking a few deep breaths, Michael wipes the blood off of his face, sits back down at his computer, and resumes his stream.
twitch chat
May 2019
imaqtpie

League of Legends

MAURICIO HONORATO

twitchquotes: I have never seen a team with MAURICIO HONORATO lose a game.... I mean, he's perfect, incredible, good aim, intelligent, handsome... I honestly don't see MAURICIO HONORATO losing this game.
twitch chat
September 2018

Overwatch

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