[Copypasta] Stop getting played like a fiddle, chat!

twitchquotes: Oh my god, why do you losers care so much about these streamers and emotes and bits and stuff? You act like streamers are close friends of yours or something, but they're just manipulating you to give them money and attention. Stop getting played like a fiddle, chat! Go out and live your own damn life instead of watching someone else play video games while copy and pasting pointless blocks of text!
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Surprised face emoji D:

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⢛⣉⣩⣤⣬⣉⣉⣉⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⣀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣈⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡙⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠏⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠙⢻⣷⡆⠹⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠋⠛⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⣀⣴⣿⣿⡄⢹⣿ ⡟⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣀⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢻ ⠁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠟⢛⣋⣉⣉⣉⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸ ⡄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⣡⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸ ⣇⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⣼ ⣿⣆⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣴⣤⣤⣬⣉⡛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⠃⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣆⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠷⠌⠛⢛⣋⣉⣁⣸⣿⡿⠋⣠⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣶⡈⠙⢿⣿⣟⣈⣉⣩⣥⣤⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⢁⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⣉⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣈⡉⠉⠛⣋⣉⣉⣤⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
February 2019

I hate you

Mark, let me tell you something. Pay close attention to the text that I am about to write. An average human body has about 38 trillion cells. In each of these cells there is a spiral helix of DNA that, if stretched to its maximum, is about two meters long. DNA is one of the densest stores of information on the planet: a single gram of DNA stores about 700 terabytes of information. If we stretched out the 76 trillion meters of DNA in my body and recorded, character by character, the word "Hate" over and over and over again, this pile of information could not store the tiniest fraction of a trillionth of the hatred that I feel for you right now. Every drop of blood in my body cries out for your death. My very soul writhes in disgust. Your mere existence is a blasphemy and an affront to every possible virtue and quality that any rational being can possess. You are a deception to Satan himself.
August 2021

Infinite Cum Part 2

Your eyes slowly open. Crusty from months of wear from stray globs of semen and cosmic dust. You are in a room and you can no longer see your member, or rather, what was left of it. There are tubes leading away from your pelvis, pumping and pulsating. There is a glass window across from you and a person dressed in a white jacket. A woman. She looks up from her clipboard to see you are awake. At first she is uninterested, but then her eyes slam open and a beaming smile crosses her face. Her eyes filled with curiosity. “You’re awake!” She cries over the loudspeakers that you only just now notice embedded into the top corners of the room. “Where am I?” You ask, filled with fear and excitement. You thought you would never see a human again and you would be destined to suffer endlessly across the cosmos. “You are on Saturn. You crashed into it and due to it’s extreme mass you were able to stop. We picked you up because you may be the key to saving humanity for all eternity.” “How?” You ask as a smile begins to creep across your face, imagining that you could be an icon for humanity. “You have been addressed as the Cosmic Unknown Mass Semen Generator, or CUMS-G for short. The fault in reality that caused your affliction can be used for the good of humanity. By using the mass you produce we will never have to worry about energy again, as by converting your biomass into energy we have unlimited power for the rest of time. When the stars die and the cosmos sink into nothing, humanity will be able to continue thanks to you. The anomaly that created you is easily one of the greatest discoveries humanity has ever had, on par with the discovery of fire.” “Will I not die?” “You can’t die. You are immortal. You don’t even have a body and yet you continue to exist” … Hours later, she leaves to tell her superiors. They do not greet you. They exchange high-fives and party but they do not speak to you. Months pass. The cum accelerates. Then years. The cum accelerates. Then decades. The cum accelerates. Then centuries. The cum accelerates. Then eons. The cum accelerates. No one talks to you. You don’t even know if humanity is alive anymore or if they have left you to exist for the rest of eternity. The tubes around you have gotten far thicker and more high tech as the ferocity of your semen expulsion increased. Eventually the walls around you cave in. Only then do you see the truth. Their plan was flawed.
April 2022

Infinite Cum

autism

twitch chat
November 2014
Trump
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