[Copypasta] Fortnite that's how Mafia works

twitchquotes: Fortnite. Fortnite. Fortnite. It was all my two kids talked about. They were utterly devoted to it. I had to make a change. I took the controllers and told them they couldn't play until they downloaded Mafia City. They whined and whined, but soon became engrossed in this amazing and educational game. Fortnite soon forgotten, their grades improved rapidly, much like their levels in game. The teachers were amazed, "how do they do it?" they asked me, I simply replied "that's how Mafia works."
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January 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Qtpie, this is your dad here

twitchquotes: qtpie, this is your dad here. i just wanted to say how proud of you i am son, always hiding in your room playing your video games, talking to your internet friends. your mom and i think that's swell and we just wanted to let you know we love you. pls no copy dadderino
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As Quinn finished her drink, she was overcome with sadness

twitchquotes: As Quinn finished her drink, she was overcome with sadness. "Valor, I get this feeling that QT won't ever play with us again." The bartender turned around. "Here's a drink on the house," said Urgot. "I know the feeling."
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If your girlfriend cheats on you

twitchquotes: If your girlfriend cheats on you, you need to understand that you lacked something that made her cheat, so instead of leaving her for another girl, find out the error in yourself, apologise to her and be a Better man. โœŒ
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HELP!!! If you're reading this...

twitchquotes: HELP!!! If you're reading this you're the only person in chat that isn't a prerecorded and scripted person yet. Get out before you become...one as we-... Dank Memes
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We can't blame market

To be fair "but I poop from there" wasn't an explicit "no". We can't blame market for doing what it did.
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Text-to-Speech Playing