[Copypasta] I can't go to Yemen, I'm an analyst!

This player doesn't even use a monitor

I've seen [insert player here] play, he doesn't even use a monitor. He visualizes the map in a detailed rendering, completely in his mind. He has a biological wallhack; his godlike perception highlights all enemies within light-years. His eyes are closed as his mouse gracefully swerves across the table, making immaculate twitches as he flicks from head to head. The bullets that escape his gun barrel are surgical; each making a deadly strike in between his opponent's eyes.

July 2022

CSGO

Valorant

Hey, Vsauce, Michael here!

Hey, Vsauce, Michael here! Down here. But which way is down? And how much does down weigh? Well, down weighs about 1/100 of a g/cm3 . It is light, and airy, which makes it a great source of insulation and buoyancy for waterbirds. But if you let go of down, it falls down. So that's which way down is, it's the direction that gravity is pulling everything. Now for someone on the other side of the Earth, my down is their up, but where are falling things going? Why do things fall? Are they being pushed or pulled? Or, is it because of TIME TRAVEL.

March 2020

Am I The Asshole for not being able to trade options for my dad? I’m 6.

This started about 4 years ago when I was 2 years old. My dad started to supplement me picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I have retained absolutely nothing even though my dad has spent every waking minute trying to make me understand. He has done almost everything including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while I am sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make me understand the market. Yesterday, he got to a breaking point when I couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. My dad finally convinced my mom that they were doing the right thing when he said that I will soon be a Wendy's worker begging my wife's husband for a weekly allowance because I will never amount to be anything. He couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said, if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy, plz adopt me from Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska.

September 2021

WallStreetBets

Am I The Asshole?

Teddy Roosevelt messages Kripp

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp, This is Teddy Roosevelt calling! I am concerned that you have formed a monopoly on the hearthstone section of twitch dot telly. You must renounce this darkness immediately or I will SMITE YOU like I did Andre Carnegie and Nelson Rockemsockem. You must give up your monopolistic ways or face the mighty wrath of the White House and the US Judicial system. Much love to Rania and the baby. Regards, yo boi TD

twitch chat

June 2016

Kripp

Hearthstone

For anyone whose Egyptian keyboard is broken, here’s a full alphabet to copy and paste letters from accordingly

𓀀 𓀁 𓀂 𓀃 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉 𓀊 𓀋 𓀌 𓀍 𓀎 𓀏 𓀐 𓀑 𓀒 𓀓 𓀔 𓀕 𓀖 𓀗 𓀘 𓀙 𓀚 𓀛 𓀜 𓀝 𓀞 𓀟 𓀠 𓀡 𓀢 𓀣 𓀤 𓀥 𓀦 𓀧 𓀨 𓀩 𓀪 𓀫 𓀬 𓀭 𓀮 𓀯 𓀰 𓀱 𓀲 𓀳 𓀴 𓀵 𓀶 𓀷 𓀸 𓀹 𓀺 𓀻 𓀼 𓀽 𓀾 𓀿 𓁀 𓁁 𓁂 𓁃 𓁄 𓁅 𓁆 𓁇 𓁈 𓁉 𓁊 𓁋 𓁌 𓁍 𓁎 𓁏 𓁐 𓁑 𓁒 𓁓 𓁔 𓁕 𓁖 𓁗 𓁘 𓁙 𓁚 𓁛 𓁜 𓁝 𓁞 𓁟 𓁠 𓁡 𓁢 𓁣 𓁤 𓁥 𓁦 𓁧 𓁨 𓁩 𓁪 𓁫 𓁬 𓁭 𓁮 𓁯 𓁰 𓁱 𓁲 𓁳 𓁴 𓁵 𓁶 𓁷 𓁸 𓁹 𓁺 𓁻 𓁼 𓁽 𓁾 𓁿 𓂀 𓂁 𓂂 𓂃 𓂄 𓂅 𓂆 𓂇 𓂈 𓂉 𓂊 𓂋 𓂌 𓂍 𓂎 𓂏 𓂐 𓂑 𓂒 𓂓 𓂔 𓂕 𓂖 𓂗 𓂘 𓂙 𓂚 𓂛 𓂜 𓂝 𓂞 𓂟 𓂠 𓂡 𓂢 𓂣 𓂤 𓂥 𓂦 𓂧 𓂨 𓂩 𓂪 𓂫 𓂬 𓂭 𓂮 𓂯 𓂰 𓂱 𓂲 𓂳 𓂴 𓂵 𓂶 𓂷 𓂸 𓂹 𓂺 𓂻 𓂼 𓂽 𓂾 𓂿 𓃀 𓃁 𓃂 𓃃 𓃄 𓃅 𓃆 𓃇 𓃈 𓃉 𓃊 𓃋 𓃌 𓃍 𓃎 𓃏 𓃐 𓃑 𓃒 𓃓 𓃔 𓃕 𓃖 𓃗 𓃘 𓃙 𓃚 𓃛 𓃜 𓃝 𓃞 𓃟 𓃠 𓃡 𓃢 𓃣 𓃤 𓃥 𓃦 𓃧 𓃨 𓃩 𓃪 𓃫 𓃬 𓃭 𓃮 𓃯 𓃰 𓃱 𓃲 𓃳 𓃴 𓃵 𓃶 𓃷 𓃸 𓃹 𓃺 𓃻 𓃼 𓃽 𓃾 𓃿 𓄀 𓄁 𓄂 𓄃 𓄄 𓄅 𓄆 𓄇 𓄈 𓄉 𓄊 𓄋 𓄌 𓄍 𓄎 𓄏 𓄐 𓄑 𓄒 𓄓 𓄔 𓄕 𓄖 𓄗 𓄘 𓄙 𓄚 𓄛 𓄜 𓄝 𓄞 𓄟 𓄠 𓄡 𓄢 𓄣 𓄤 𓄥 𓄦 𓄧 𓄨 𓄩 𓄪 𓄫 𓄬 𓄭 𓄮 𓄯 𓄰 𓄱 𓄲 𓄳 𓄴 𓄵 𓄶 𓄷 𓄸 𓄹 𓄺 𓄻 𓄼 𓄽 𓄾 𓄿 𓅀 𓅁 𓅂 𓅃 𓅄 𓅅 𓅆 𓅇 𓅈 𓅉 𓅊 𓅋 𓅌 𓅍 𓅎 𓅏 𓅐 𓅑 𓅒 𓅓 𓅔 𓅕 𓅖 𓅗 𓅘 𓅙 𓅚 𓅛 𓅜 𓅝 𓅞 𓅟 𓅠 𓅡 𓅢 𓅣 𓅤 𓅥 𓅦 𓅧 𓅨 𓅩 𓅪 𓅫 𓅬 𓅭 𓅮 𓅯 𓅰 𓅱 𓅲 𓅳 𓅴 𓅵 𓅶 𓅷 𓅸 𓅹 𓅺 𓅻 𓅼 𓅽 𓅾 𓅿 𓆀 𓆁 𓆂 𓆃 𓆄 𓆅 𓆆 𓆇 𓆈 𓆉 𓆊 𓆋 𓆌 𓆍 𓆎 𓆏 𓆐 𓆑 𓆒 𓆓 𓆔 𓆕 𓆖 𓆗 𓆘 𓆙 𓆚 𓆛 𓆜 𓆝 𓆞 𓆟 𓆠 𓆡 𓆢 𓆣 𓆤 𓆥 𓆦 𓆧 𓆨 𓆩 𓆪 𓆫 𓆬 𓆭 𓆮 𓆯 𓆰 𓆱 𓆲 𓆳 𓆴 𓆵 𓆶 𓆷 𓆸 𓆹 𓆺 𓆻 𓆼 𓆽 𓆾 𓆿 𓇀 𓇁 𓇂 𓇃 𓇄 𓇅 𓇆 𓇇 𓇈 𓇉 𓇊 𓇋 𓇌 𓇍 𓇎 𓇏 𓇐 𓇑 𓇒 𓇓 𓇔 𓇕 𓇖 𓇗 𓇘 𓇙 𓇚 𓇛 𓇜 𓇝 𓇞 𓇟 𓇠 𓇡 𓇢 𓇣 𓇤 𓇥 𓇦 𓇧 𓇨 𓇩 𓇪 𓇫 𓇬 𓇭 𓇮 𓇯 𓇰 𓇱 𓇲 𓇳 𓇴 𓇵 𓇶 𓇷 𓇸 𓇹 𓇺 𓇻 𓇼 𓇽 𓇾 𓇿 𓈀 𓈁 𓈂 𓈃 𓈄 𓈅 𓈆 𓈇 𓈈 𓈉 𓈊 𓈋 𓈌 𓈍 𓈎 𓈏 𓈐 𓈑 𓈒 𓈓 𓈔 𓈕 𓈖 𓈗 𓈘 𓈙 𓈚 𓈛 𓈜 𓈝 𓈞 𓈟 𓈠 𓈡 𓈢 𓈣 𓈤 𓈥 𓈦 𓈧 𓈨 𓈩 𓈪 𓈫 𓈬 𓈭 𓈮 𓈯 𓈰 𓈱 𓈲 𓈳 𓈴 𓈵 𓈶 𓈷 𓈸 𓈹 𓈺 𓈻 𓈼 𓈽 𓈾 𓈿 𓉀 𓉁 𓉂 𓉃 𓉄 𓉅 𓉆 𓉇 𓉈 𓉉 𓉊 𓉋 𓉌 𓉍 𓉎 𓉏 𓉐 𓉑 𓉒 𓉓 𓉔 𓉕 𓉖 𓉗 𓉘 𓉙 𓉚 𓉛 𓉜 𓉝 𓉞 𓉟 𓉠 𓉡 𓉢 𓉣 𓉤 𓉥 𓉦 𓉧 𓉨 𓉩 𓉪 𓉫 𓉬 𓉭 𓉮 𓉯 𓉰 𓉱 𓉲 𓉳 𓉴 𓉵 𓉶 𓉷 𓉸 𓉹 𓉺 𓉻 𓉼 𓉽 𓉾 𓉿 𓊀 𓊁 𓊂 𓊃 𓊄 𓊅 𓊆 𓊇 𓊈 𓊉 𓊊 𓊋 𓊌 𓊍 𓊎 𓊏 𓊐 𓊑 𓊒 𓊓 𓊔 𓊕 𓊖 𓊗 𓊘 𓊙 𓊚 𓊛 𓊜 𓊝 𓊞 𓊟 𓊠 𓊡 𓊢 𓊣 𓊤 𓊥 𓊦 𓊧 𓊨 𓊩 𓊪 𓊫 𓊬 𓊭 𓊮 𓊯 𓊰 𓊱 𓊲 𓊳 𓊴 𓊵 𓊶 𓊷 𓊸 𓊹 𓊺 𓊻 𓊼 𓊽 𓊾 𓊿 𓋀 𓋁 𓋂 𓋃 𓋄 𓋅 𓋆 𓋇 𓋈 𓋉 𓋊 𓋋 𓋌 𓋍 𓋎 𓋏 𓋐 𓋑 𓋒 𓋓 𓋔 𓋕 𓋖 𓋗 𓋘 𓋙 𓋚 𓋛 𓋜 𓋝 𓋞 𓋟 𓋠 𓋡 𓋢 𓋣 𓋤 𓋥 𓋦 𓋧 𓋨 𓋩 𓋪 𓋫 𓋬 𓋭 𓋮 𓋯 𓋰 𓋱 𓋲 𓋳 𓋴 𓋵 𓋶 𓋷 𓋸 𓋹 𓋺 𓋻 𓋼 𓋽 𓋾 𓋿 𓌀 𓌁 𓌂 𓌃 𓌄 𓌅 𓌆 𓌇 𓌈 𓌉 𓌊 𓌋 𓌌 𓌍 𓌎 𓌏 𓌐 𓌑 𓌒 𓌓 𓌔 𓌕 𓌖 𓌗 𓌘 𓌙 𓌚 𓌛 𓌜 𓌝 𓌞 𓌟 𓌠 𓌡 𓌢 𓌣 𓌤 𓌥 𓌦 𓌧 𓌨 𓌩 𓌪 𓌫 𓌬 𓌭 𓌮 𓌯 𓌰 𓌱 𓌲 𓌳 𓌴 𓌵 𓌶 𓌷 𓌸 𓌹 𓌺 𓌻 𓌼 𓌽 𓌾 𓌿 𓍀 𓍁 𓍂 𓍃 𓍄 𓍅 𓍆 𓍇 𓍈 𓍉 𓍊 𓍋 𓍌 𓍍 𓍎 𓍏 𓍐 𓍑 𓍒 𓍓 𓍔 𓍕 𓍖 𓍗 𓍘 𓍙 𓍚 𓍛 𓍜 𓍝 𓍞 𓍟 𓍠 𓍡 𓍢 𓍣 𓍤 𓍥 𓍦 𓍧 𓍨 𓍩 𓍪 𓍫 𓍬 𓍭 𓍮 𓍯 𓍰 𓍱 𓍲 𓍳 𓍴 𓍵 𓍶 𓍷 𓍸 𓍹 𓍺 𓍻 𓍼 𓍽 𓍾 𓍿 𓎀 𓎁 𓎂 𓎃 𓎄 𓎅 𓎆 𓎇 𓎈 𓎉 𓎊 𓎋 𓎌 𓎍 𓎎 𓎏 𓎐 𓎑 𓎒 𓎓 𓎔 𓎕 𓎖 𓎗 𓎘 𓎙 𓎚 𓎛 𓎜 𓎝 𓎞 𓎟 𓎠 𓎡 𓎢 𓎣 𓎤 𓎥 𓎦 𓎧 𓎨 𓎩 𓎪 𓎫 𓎬 𓎭 𓎮 𓎯 𓎰 𓎱 𓎲 𓎳 𓎴 𓎵 𓎶 𓎷 𓎸 𓎹 𓎺 𓎻 𓎼 𓎽 𓎾 𓎿 𓏀 𓏁 𓏂 𓏃 𓏄 𓏅 𓏆 𓏇 𓏈 𓏉 𓏊 𓏋 𓏌 𓏍 𓏎 𓏏 𓏐 𓏑 𓏒 𓏓 𓏔 𓏕 𓏖 𓏗 𓏘 𓏙 𓏚 𓏛 𓏜 𓏝 𓏞 𓏟 𓏠 𓏡 𓏢 𓏣 𓏤 𓏥 𓏦 𓏧 𓏨 𓏩 𓏪 𓏫 𓏬 𓏭 𓏮 𓏯 𓏰 𓏱 𓏲 𓏳 𓏴 𓏵 𓏶 𓏷 𓏸 𓏹 𓏺 𓏻 𓏼 𓏽 𓏾 𓏿 𓐀 𓐁 𓐂 𓐃 𓐄 𓐅 𓐆 𓐇 𓐈 𓐉 𓐊 𓐋 𓐌 𓐍 𓐎 𓐏 𓐐 𓐑 𓐒 𓐓 𓐔 𓐕 𓐖 𓐗 𓐘 𓐙 𓐚 𓐛 𓐜 𓐝 𓐞 𓐟

March 2021

[Copypasta] I can't go to Yemen, I'm an analyst!

This player doesn't even use a monitor

CSGO

Valorant

Hey, Vsauce, Michael here!

Am I The Asshole for not being able to trade options for my dad? I’m 6.

WallStreetBets

Am I The Asshole?

Teddy Roosevelt messages Kripp

Hearthstone

For anyone whose Egyptian keyboard is broken, here’s a full alphabet to copy and paste letters from accordingly

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