[Copypasta] I hate taking shits

I hate taking shits. Taking shits is the worst function of the human organism after sex. You have to sit on the most uncomfortable seat ever, then you have to go through so much pain to push the shit out of your asshole (not to mention sometimes they get stuck in there). And as if those weren't enough then you have to wipe, you have to take your hand along with toilet paper and shove it up your asshole, this process can sometimes take minutes out of your life, it fucking sucks. TL;DR I hate shitting
April 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

All this mass market pasta is frankly embarrassing

twitchquotes: All this mass market pasta is frankly embarrassing. Sure its easy to go grab a box of ready to cook ocean man emoji or witch mercy, but easy doesn't make it good. It honestly isn't that hard to make your own damn pasta at home, and with whatever quality ingredients you want. Want some ME SPAM? Just put it in there! Can anyone truly say they've participated in chat if they've never made their own pasta? I say no
twitch chat
November 2016

Canadian man brofisting the local Greek population

twitchquotes: Last night in Greece, Greek police heard reports of a Canadian man in a blue tacky sweater walking around the streets at night, 'brofisting' the local population. As a result 20,000 greek citizens have contracted the casualitis. If you see this man, please report to greek policerino department.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

LS aka “Last Straw”

twitchquotes: LS aka “Last Straw” is always on the verge of commiting vehicular manslaughter. He has been assigned to multiple psychiatric hospitals, but always manages to escape due to the prison guards “bad pathing”.
twitch chat
July 2019
imls

League of Legends

Seoul Dynasty is just winning because...

twitchquotes: Seoul Dynasty is just winning because they go up against easy teams. It’s boosting their win ratio. They should go up against better teams to really show how good they are. I’m not calling them bad. I just want to clarify why they seem so good, even though they’re not.
twitch chat
March 2018
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

War Thunder is like playing chess

It's not that the game is addicting, it's just that there are no decent alternatives. War Thunder is basically the intellectual version of the FPS games that all the stupid children and mongoloid brains play. Instead of just being based purely on twitch "skills" which require as much intellectual ability as closing popup spam windows, in War Thunder you have to use at least some tactics and strategy. FPS games are like playing Pong on high speed. War Thunder is like playing chess. The art of gaming is simply dead for big brains. 20 years ago there were tons of games that required brainpower because PC gaming back then was by nerds and for nerds, but then the corporate suits took over and were like "broaden the appeal to we can make more sales" so everything got dumbed down to the lowest common denominator. My GF asked me if I was "having fun" playing War Thunder, and I looked at her like she was a fucking retard to even consider that sentence a valid question. I don't have FUN playing War Thunder. This game routinely pisses me off and makes me rage. However, when I stomp the entire enemy team and crush them so utterly I can hear the lamentations of their mothers, I feel satisfaction. I spent weeks grinding for Operation Winter. The vikings had a word for this. They called it Valhalla. Endless war. Endless combat. Knowing only victory and death. Bathing in the blood of your enemies. You get 15 kills and bask in glory and rewards, and think: what should I do now? Should I get in my Honda Fit and tour the local strip mall for my Triumph? Should I microwave some tendies and throw myself a great Feast? But there is only one option. There is only ever one option. To Battle! Various cultures have alternatively described the gameplay loop of War Thunder as their vision of Heaven or Hell. It is both.
January 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing