[Copypasta] I challenge you to “Turtle King”

Before my ban, someone challenged me to a duel with cocks. I challenge you to “Turtle King” instead. We each dock our unhardened cocks into each other, then we put on clips of Yellen speaking during FOMC meetings. The first to effectively go from flaccid to erect and push the other out of the “dock” is crowned Turtle 🤴. Dual me, I’m 4-0.
October 2021

WallStreetBets

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/qil34t/comment/hilda9s/
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No name calling

I just had a conversation w a 🐂 that didnt resort to name calling... We just spoke our peace and wished ourselves good luck and now i dint know what to do with myself. I think im going to go back and call him a bitch.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

So I’m an AMC shareholder

So I’m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I can’t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now I’m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Stock space rocket

.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　   　 　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　  　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　 　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　,　　   　 .　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ　  　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　    　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 ☀️ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　    　      　　　　　        　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　　       　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　    ✦    　　　,　　　　　　　　　　[stock ticker]🚀 　　　　 　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　 　　 　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　           　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　˚　　　 　   　　　　,　　　　　　 　　　　       　    　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　  　　    　　　　　 　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* 　　   　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　         　        　　　　 　　 　 　　　　　 　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　    　　. 　 　　　　　.　　　　 🌑 　　　　　   　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　   　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 . 　　 　 🌎 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* .　　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　   　 　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.
ascii art
January 2021

WallStreetBets

The Battle of Gamestop rages on.

The Battle of Gamestop rages on. Pre-market we could hear the bears in no-man’s land, baiting us towards higher prices so the shorts could do their dirty work. I was stationed at the 13.80 line, and knew the morning was going to be hot. I shoveled a breakfast of tendies and said a quick prayer to Father Cohen. When the bell rang, the bears surged into our trenches. Blood and rainbow fur filled the air and littered the ground. The Diamond Division has seen worse days, and we held firm. As the bears retreated we gave chase to retake ground we’d lost in the past week. As I caught my breath near the 14.50, I could see bodies everywhere; paper hands who had fallen in earlier battles. One of them groaned and reached a hand towards me. I spat on him and kept moving. No honor in retreat, and no sympathy for self-inflicted wounds. This war won’t be won in a day, but it will be won. Tell my wife’s boyfriend to tell her I love her.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

I’m a simple guy

I’m a simple guy. I don’t know about all these fancy “financial instruments” or “market dynamics” or “where the clit is.” I like the stock, I buy the stock.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

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