[Copypasta] I challenge you to “Turtle King”

Before my ban, someone challenged me to a duel with cocks. I challenge you to “Turtle King” instead. We each dock our unhardened cocks into each other, then we put on clips of Yellen speaking during FOMC meetings. The first to effectively go from flaccid to erect and push the other out of the “dock” is crowned Turtle 🤴. Dual me, I’m 4-0.
October 2021

WallStreetBets

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/qil34t/comment/hilda9s/
What happened to this ad? :(
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Careful bulls, dangerous things past the moon

Careful tomorrow bulls, there are dangerous things past the moon. ✨ .-' `'. ✨ / \ . ☀️ ☀️ | ; ✨ | | ___.--, _.._ |0) ~ (0) | _.---'`__.-( (_. ✨ __.--'`_.. '.__.\ '--. \_.-' ,.--'` `""` ( ,.--'` ',__ /./; ;, '.__.'` __ _`) ) .---.__.' / | |\ \__..--"" """--.,_ . ☀️ `---' .'.''-._.-'`_./ /\ '. \ _.-~~~````~~~-._`-.__.' | | .' _.-' | | \ \ '. `~---` ✨ \ \/ .' \ \ '. '-._) ✨ ✨ \/ / \ \ `=.__`~-. jgs / /\ `) ) / / `"".`\ , _.-'.'\ \ / / ( ( / / . ☀️ `--~` ) ) .-'.' '.'. | ( (/` ( (` ) ) '-; ` '-; (-' ✨ ✨ ✨ ☀️ 🚀 <--- BULLS ✨ ☀️ ✨ 🌙 ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ✨ 🌎 ✨ 🌝 ☀️ ✨ ✨
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December 2020

WallStreetBets

Hello gentleman, I have suffered a loss of 69K

Hello gentleman, I regretfully wish to share with you all that I shant comment on this Internet forum henceforth. As of the time of my arrival in this past autumn, I have suffered a loss of 69K. By the blessing of Lady Luck, I am still experiencing a positive net balance of 420%, so I have come to the conclusion I must liquidate my insignificant phallus account. I shall use this fortune for procuring a vaginal enlargement and acquire tremendous breasts for my OnlyAristocracy parchment. Or I may be devilish and maintain an investment position in TournamentCease. I am short of hours of leisure in life, training dogs to consume peanut butter from the reaches of my posterior and can not bare the rapid change of value of my investment holdings of 40 point 7 grand. I am aware that you, my peers of this financial derivatives Internet forum are filled with ecstasy to become privy to this, so copulate with yourself, I desire you all to be ablaze in nonheteronormative ursine hell in tandem with Sadam.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

Darth Bearish the Regarded

Did you ever hear the tragedy of "Darth Bearish the Regarded"? I thought not. It’s not a story any bull would tell you. It’s an ancient Bear legend. Darth Bearish was a Dark Lord of the Bears, so well capitalized and so regarded he could use Leverage to influence gamma to create profits… He had such a knowledge of the dark side of Leverage that he could even keep other traders he cared about from being margin called. But the dark side of Leverage is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be... unnatural. He became so bearish… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his positions, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice reversed his positions in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from bankruptcy, but not himself!
June 2022

Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise

WallStreetBets

I couldn’t tell you what half of the companies in my portfolio do

I couldn’t tell you what half of the companies in my portfolio do or even what the ticker stands for...but you better believe I’m jacked to the mf’ing tits in every single meme stonk that you crayon eaters have been pumping. CHOO CHOO MF’ER.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

How traders politely decline the second date

I discovered recently if I am on a date and I’m not that interested in a second, all I need to do is start talking about my stocks. They won’t ask for another one then, I won’t have to politely decline.
December 2021

WallStreetBets

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