[Copypasta] Am I the asshole for dropping my 6 year old son at an orphanage for his inability to trade options?

This started about 4 years ago when my son was 2 years old. I started to supplement his picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I feel like he has retained absolutely nothing even though I have spent every waking minute trying to make him understand. I have done almost everything that I have thought of including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while he is sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make him understand the market. I felt as though I got to a breaking point when he couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. I finally convinced my wife that we were doing the right thing when I said that he will soon be a Wendy's worker begging his wife's husband for a weekly allowance because he will never amount to be anything. I couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy check out Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska and maybe your luck will be better than mine with him.
September 2021

Am I The Asshole?

WallStreetBets

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Am I The Asshole? Copypastas

Am I the asshole for dropping my 6 year old son at an orphanage for his inability to trade options?

This started about 4 years ago when my son was 2 years old. I started to supplement his picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I feel like he has retained absolutely nothing even though I have spent every waking minute trying to make him understand. I have done almost everything that I have thought of including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while he is sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make him understand the market. I felt as though I got to a breaking point when he couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. I finally convinced my wife that we were doing the right thing when I said that he will soon be a Wendy's worker begging his wife's husband for a weekly allowance because he will never amount to be anything. I couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy check out Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska and maybe your luck will be better than mine with him.
September 2021

Am I The Asshole?

WallStreetBets

My son won't stop using "TwitchSpeak?

My son (14) watches a lot of video game streamers on Twitch.tv. I personally don't find them entertaining but I can understand why some people (like my son) do. Over the past month he's starting using terms like "pog", "jabaited", and "Kappa" which I guess are terms that are used in the scope of Twitch. I don't have an issue with my son using these terms but it's gotten to the point where every sentence is Twitchspeak. We were having dinner and my daughter (age 12) was talking about how she got accepted for a summer program with the local animal shelter, and my son said "Pog you, easy clap". I told him that it was getting out of hand and that he would have to communicate normally to his parents and family. To that he said "Weird champ, feels weird man, normies omega LOL." Until he learns to communicate like a normal human being I've blacklisted Twitch from the internet for the time being. He's hysterical now but I told him that I would unblacklist it if he stopped using twitchspeak, but he's refusing to stop so for now it's banned. AITA?
May 2019

Classic

Am I The Asshole?

AITA for drop kicking my 2 month old sister down the stairs?

Some backstory required: Earlier today I was trying to relax but she wouldn't stop fucking making annoying ass googoo gaga noises. So today, I see her, and she is actually standing up! First I think to take a picture and tell my parents, but than I remember what an entitled bitch she is. I run forward, and leap forward and plant both my feet in her face as we both tumble down the stairs. I told my parents that she crawked in front of me whilst I was about to use the stairs so I'm out of trouble, and the surgery went fine and she is basically fine although she seems to have fucking learned her lesson as she 'talks' a lot less now. Next time she does this I'm uppercutting her entitled little baby skull
August 2021

Am I The Asshole?

AITA for not going to my friend’s funeral home if he isn’t coming to mine?

So me (69m) and my friend (69m) were at waffle house (7300 Innerplan Dr, North Little Rock, Arkansas 72113-7645, US) and were discussing funerals (6-9k). I mentioned that since I will be attending his funeral (approx. 2032) that it would be impudent for him not to turn up to mine (approx. 2036). Long story short, this lead for him to swing a naughty haymaker (right) directly aiming for my jaw when I rapidly dodged and gave the cheeky cunt a swift uppercut (broken nose). He is now hospitalized (critical condition) and I am now currently evading law enforcement (on foot). My family (69f wife, 54m son, 69f wife) have been trying to contact me but I keep telling them if I ever see that punk again, I will give him a little combo (right hook, left hook, headbutt then roundhouse kick). If he is still moving I will stomp on his head until he is a little red smear on the bottom of my boot (black timberlands). I know I’m right but I feel as if I may have overreacted a tiny bit (not too much) AITA?
November 2019

Am I The Asshole?

AITA for slapping a stand-up comedian who dissed my wife?

AITA for slapping a stand-up comedian who dissed my wife? Okay, little background. My (53M) wife (50F) has a medical condition called Alopeca Areata, which basically means she has excessive hair loss, and is currently bald. My relationship with my wife wasn't stable over the years, and I've caught her cheating on me multiple times, but we've pulled through. Anyway, we went to an awards show and usually there is a comedian who hosts the show and makes jokes at everybody (in a good way). The comedian was a guy we know (and he knew us), and we had a really good time. At one point, he mentioned me and my wife and I was happy he acknowledged us. But then, he took a jab at my wife about her condition, which I thought was way out of line, but I laughed out of embarrassment. My wife, on the other hand, was not laughing at all and rolled her eyes. At that moment I knew I had to stand up for her. I got up on stage, smacked the sh*t out of the guy, and went back to my seat. The comedian was shocked and really wasn't expecting my reaction. He wanted to keep talking about my wife but I shouted at him to stop. Usually I don't curse, but I was really pissed about the whole situation. My friends could see I was upset and during the break they came to comfort me, but other people think I'm the asshole. What do you think?
April 2022

Am I The Asshole?

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