[Copypasta] Atheists … what if you die and you find out it is all real?

I’m not trying to be an asshole. Think about this before answering. Atheists … what if you die and you find out it is all real? God, the Bible, Jesus, death on a cross, resurrection … all of it. What then?
June 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

I am the BM in the lethal, the salt in the defeat

twitchquotes: The stream starts, and so my spam begins. It shall not end until i am banned. I shall fear no mod, sub to no streamer. I shall live and die in the Chat. For i am the value in the bomber. I am the BM in the lethal. I am the salt in the defeat. I pledge my keyboard to the Chat, for this stream and all the streams to come.
twitch chat
May 2014
Kripp

Classic

Hearthstone

Copyright Infringement from using Copy Pastas

twitchquotes: Hello, my name is Juan Pastoroni, CEO of Copy Pasta Industries. I'd like to let you know that we've just gained copyrights on a lot of copy pastas seen in this chat. If you are using them right now, please refrain from doing so, or risk being fined under copyright infringement. Thank you, and don't be funny and copy and paste this. This is business, kid.
twitch chat
July 2014
pr0lly

Guido Mista's face

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠛⢛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠐⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⢀⣀⡈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⡀⠴⢒⡒⠂⠄⢀⡀⢐⡀⡀⠄⠄⢀⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡡⠪⠶⢿⡭⡉⠄⢀⢣⣖⣶⣬⡱⣄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⣔⣎⠓⠂⡀⠑⠖⣒⠭⠻⠿⠿⠷⠙⣎⠉⠉⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢧⢱⣿⣔⣀⠊⠐⢼⣿⣶⣠⠄⠐⡐⠶⡂⣿⣀⡀⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠂⣿⣿⣷⣶⣟⣴⣾⣿⣧⣐⣤⣤⣭⣿⠇⡇⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢹⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⡌⠿⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢫⡞⡇⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣫⠞⢀⣿⣿⣿⣥⣤⣌⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣽⣿⠁⡇⠒⢒⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣯⣾⠋⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣭⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⡿⠃⣴⡇⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡛⡿⣿⣿⣷⣇⠄⠄⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣉⠄⣼⡇⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠉⠐⣥⡙⠛⠿⠇⢸⠰⠄⠄⠄⠹⠟⠛⠋⢉⣀⢩⢴⠄⢰⣿⣧⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⢱⡀⠄⠄⠇⡰⠄⡐⠄⠰⠰⢿⠃⠈⠉⢠⠄⠄⠻⠿⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡤⡴⠶⠚⠋⠻⣆⠄⠁⣠⠡⠐⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠠⣦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠲⠎⠉
August 2019

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Pecan ice and pecan butter

twitchquotes: do yall remember those two little white boy in super smash bros brawl who would scream pecan ice and pecan butter or whatever it was they were yelling? I hated them so much they used to get me in so much trouble when I would stay up late and play nintendo because no matter how low the volume on the damn tv was my mom would hear their shill *** voices going PECAN ICE PECAN BUTTER from all the way down the hall in her room and tell me to go to bed I will never forgive them
twitch chat
February 2017

Super Smash Bros

Text-to-Speech Playing